This is for the poetry inspired contest. The poem that this is based on is also called Insomnia.
I watched her as she walked. Her feet hit the ground ever so slightly, and I could barely hear anything. The robes that adorned her body were silk, waving in the air as she continued to move on. She walked like a ballerina. Carefully and gracefully.
The moon shone in the mirror, acting like the sun. As it casted its light down upon the land. Maybe the goddess would be in my favor if I got information for her. The Moon Goddess. The most beautiful of them all.
My breath caught in my throat as I tightened the invisibility cloak around myself. It was so terribly cold and I was not able to seek any warmth. Warming spells were granted by the sun, and the sun was long gone.
To the water's edge is where she went, and there I followed. Her long gray hair billowed behind her as she moved swiftly. Her white robes seemed to blend in with her hair, making it seem like she was gliding across the sand. Her skin glittered.
She looked back every so often, nothing on her face but a cold stare. I had expected bliss or some sort of glint of glee in her eyes, but there were none. Not even a slight grin graced her lips.
Every night she would come outside, opening the doors as she flew towards the sands. Every night she would sit by the water's edge and wait. But I knew she wasn’t waiting for anyone. Just waiting for no reason; perhaps to pass the time.
I hoped the moon would smile upon me that night. To help me in my quest. But she only smiles to herself, and meddles in lives like mine. She rules the universe at night.
Oh woes to whoever messes with the daughter of the moon.
Oh woes to the daughter of the moon.
I hoped someone would show up, so I would have news.
The daughter's hand touched the water, making rippling patterns that almost made me lose myself. For it was so incredible how much a small action could affect such a big part of the world. Just one touch could change the outcome of everything.
I thought briefly about throwing off my cloak and telling her to go to sleep, for it was late and the clock tower that was off in the distance said it was only midnight. But I held my tongue and watched some more. While I was cold, nothing would make me turn back. Besides, perhaps she was only a daytime sleeper. Maybe she wanders off into the land of nod during her afternoon lessons.
"Damn this whole place to hell." She spoke the words softly, but I heard. Being only a few feet away had its advantages. I thanked the god of air for the gift.
But the words – they rang through my ears and I couldn't focus. The thoughts I had were interrupted.
She was supposed to love it here. The sanctuary was for her.
The garden was for her. The tower was built for her. Everything in the forsaken
place was for her, forever.
I continued to watch as she punched the water, causing it to splash. "Damn
this universe and everyone in it. Damn it all to hell." Her words cut more
than anything else. It bit into my skin more than the cold. "Damn my
mother."
Her form slowly became still, like a statue. Only her shadows moved. The hand
brushed against the clear water, and nothing happened. Powers of the unknown.
I could hear the scratching of the leaves, my breath, and some birds chirping
in the distance. But I could not place her breathing. The only thing I saw that
told me that her lifeline was still connected was her moving shadow. (I feared
that her mother had taken her life away for the curses, but my fear was lifted.)
Then she, the shadow, got up.
She danced, danced, and danced some more; like a ballerina that I had compared
her to before. She pranced left and right, but lefts and rights did not seem to
matter. They were all the same.
I could see no smile upon her face, for I couldn't see her face at all. Though, if I could guess, her grin would be as wide as the ocean. Gods, I love her so much.
Making a checklist in my mind, I recounted the events of that night. Hopefully the moon goddess would be satisfied. Dancing shadows, stays awake all night, affinity for water.
My breath caught in my throat as I realized something. She was waiting for no one.
Insomnia.
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139,348 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hi, I'm giving you a review but it is gonna be a quicky because of course I'm in school. Haha, so I loved your writing, very clean, very precise. It had some much emotion, many people suffer from insomia and so I think it was very cool that you wrote this! I look forward to read more of your work.
Hiiii Adrian! Here with a night-time review. Even though it isn't really all that late, I'm just a weakling in the face of sleep. But I digress. This review's basically my way of thanking you for participating, and also getting everything in order in my brain for judging.
Really nice tie to the poem. What I thought was cool was the way you managed to capture the tone of the poem in your writing. I feel like the two co-exist really well. I'm not sure how well your story would stand without the poem, but I don't think that's necessarily an inherently bad thing. The story felt the poem's prose counterpart, which you pulled off really well.
The imagery in this was really stunning. It painted a vivid picture, all that. I felt like there was a cold beauty to the style, which was super effective, because it managed to, I felt, reflect the moon goddess' personality and state of mind. I really liked that element.
Critique time. I did feel like the story was more concept-y rather than really having a plot, if that makes sense. There was plenty of description, which was handled beautifully, I just didn't feel like anything happened. Maybe this was a stylistic choice, and if so you're welcome to it, but I feel it would have been more effective to have some more interaction between the narrator and the goddess or something. A little more character-character conflict maybe. As it is, your story could potentially make a really interesting beginning to a novel (which, if you wrote I'd totally read. The characterisation was at the kind of amount that made me want to know MORE about your moon goddess), and then be expanded and have the plot develop from it.
That's all from me. This was a pleasure to read, and thanks again for entering my contest. Great work!
Hey there Adrian! I saw this a while ago and thought I'd review it today. It is, frankly, beautiful. I think you did the poem justice.
I don't have a lot to say on the piece overall. I think it might be nice if we got a few more hints about who/what the narrator is, since right now, I have absolutely no idea. All I can think of is that since the rippling of the water disturbed the narrator, perhaps they are something in the water, or a reflection. But the narrator acts humanoid, so I honestly have no idea who they are.
Instead, since the writing itself is such a big part of this piece, I'm going to go through and find parts to edit for clarity or flow.
I'd combine the first two sentences to make it flow more smoothly. Also, it should be "cast," not "casted." The second sentence would sound more natural if you reworded it to read "Maybe the goddess would favor me..."
I love this juxtaposition, but "woes" really should be "woe."
This sentence is rather awkward. I'm not sure what you are trying to say.
"Some sort of glint of glee" is kind of wordy. I'd take out either "some sort of" or "glint of" Also, "were" should be "was," since "or" means it's one or the other, not both.
And that's all I've got. This really was beautiful. You have a gift for description here. Everything was so vivid. Thanks for the read and keep writing!
I am in awe, your work is truly fantastic! It is as though you have painted a beautiful picture, for us all to read. I do not have anything negative to say!
This was pretty amazing. All in all I enjoyed it very much, it seems like you have a natural talent for this kind of thing! The detail you use and the way it flows is very good and on top of that I didn't spot any mistakes. I have to say I'm impressed, so keep it up!
Well, I'm just going to go somewhere and feel completely inadequate now. Your writing is breathtaking and flows seamlessly. You describe the scene in such vivid detail I can't help but feel like I'm really there. Amazing. I loved the end, very poetic. You actually engaged me in a short after 11 o'clock. In my book you just became a legend. Don't stop writing.
Wow this is truly quite good, I absolutely adore the imagery. I totally felt the characters and you kept a very mystical vibe throughout. I adore it.
Hello there.
I admired the sense of mystery you entwined into the writing, as well as the way you describe things and word them. You're very gifted and I hope you continue to write many more pieces for others to enjoy. 
I read through the poem you based this short story on before reading through your work and I have to say that your literary work seems to match it quite well. Your writing is very fluid when it needs to be, but also abrupt in places which increases the impact of the words and helps to make them more effective.
Your punctuation and grammar were very good throughout the piece, but there are a few minor and easy to fix errors that I picked up on or phrases that I would change.
In the line: "The moon shone in the mirror, acting like the sun. As it casted its light down upon the land."
The word 'casted' doesn't seem write, so I would change it to this to make it sound better: "The moon shone in the mirror, acting like the sun, casting its light down upon the land."
The other line I found is: "Oh woes to the daughter of the moon."
I think it might be better to say: "Oh woe is the daughter of the moon."
Those are the only ones which stood out to me, but other than that I really really liked this piece.