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Binding Blood - Chapter 5.1

by ExOmelas

A/N: I've been having some issues with length in this chapter. There was a point later in on in this chapter where I wasn't sure where to end it, so I showed it to a couple of people, and decided to have this chapter exist in one quite short section, then one longer section. This is the short section, please rip it apart. :P

The trees bobbed past Dannel's vision, their cavities staring at him like gaping eyes. He clenched his stomach muscles and heaved himself up, only to be shoved back down again by seven sharp talons. The breath was knocked from him and his eyes rolled around as he tried to focus on his surroundings.

He was hanging upside down, probably from Frantz’s arms. Lucas was muttering something at Frantz, but the words blurred together before they reached his ears. Dannel groaned and tried to twist out of Frantz’s grasp but Frantz only grunted and readjusted his grip on Dannel’s legs.

"Where...?" was all Dannel could manage.

"Shut it." Dannel still couldn't see Lucas, but he reckoned the voice was his. It didn't have that raspy quality Dannel had come to associate with mature demons.

Dannel squeezed his eyes shut and wished the blackness would wash over him again.

"Watch it!" Lucas shouted.

Dannel felt Frantz stumble forward and a second later his wings fluttered. Dannel wondered what on Tayfir could have pushed him to breaking his wings out.

One of the wings bashed into Dannel’s forehead and he screwed up his eyes as his vision began to slip. He focussed on the back of Lucas’ ankle as it swung like a pendulum out of Dannel’s view. He blinked every second time he saw the ankle. Two, four, six...

Three hundred and twenty-something steps later, Dannel was blinking rapidly as the sun crept up above the horizon. He felt the damp canvas of a tent flap brush against his bare feet, reminding him of weekends camping in the Jilkert woods with his family. The spikes of pain on the sole of his foot also reminded him that he would not be walking three hundred steps any time soon.

Frantz dumped him on a wooden bench which Lucas then bound his arms and legs to.

“Gag him,” Lucas snapped, glaring at Frantz.

“Yes, master.” Frantz snarled and dropped to his knees. He placed a glowing finger over Dannel’s mouth and when he drew it away Dannel felt a stiff clamp holding his lips shut.

“I’m going to go find Garek,” said Lucas, “Stay here.”

Where am I going to go?

“Course not,” replied Frantz, curling up in the corner of the tent.

Dannel raised his eyebrows as the realisation of who Lucas had been talking to dawned on him.

Lucas is brave. If Dannel had tried to command Teersin like that, he’d have been treating the claw-marks Teersin’s talons left in his forehead for weeks.

Lucas left the tent and the squeal of the zip as the door was secured made Dannel wince. Frantz flicked a claw and the zip disappeared, creating a flat canvas wall. Dannel traced Lucas’ footsteps around the side of the tent, the back, then away.

Great.Here? Maybe?

“Teersin is here by the way.”

Dannel glanced at Frantz, who hadn’t even lifted his head from the crook of his tail. Even if he’d been able to speak, Dannel didn’t know what he’d have said; he didn’t want to picture the imp as angry at him as Hannah had been. He made a high-pitched sound from the back of his throat that he hoped sounded like, “Oh?”

“And your sister too,” Frantz continued. There was a pause, which Dannel reckoned would have been his turn to demand to know where. Frantz lifted his head. “Dannel?”

Dannel looked into the demon’s eyes and blinked.

“If I untie you, can you promise you won’t get recaptured?” Frantz’s eyes were worryingly desperate. “I can take whatever punishment I get, but only if I know it’s worth it.”

Dannel moved his shoulders a little, hoping it would come across as something between a shrug and a nod.

“If we act now, I can direct you to Jaravin. She’ll know what to do.” Frantz shot to his feet and darted in a bronze blur to Dannel’s side. With one touch of a talon, the bonds around his arms and legs sprang open, followed by his lips. He gasped and took Frantz’s outstretched hand.

Frantz hauled him to his feet and led him to the centre of the tent.

“You’ll have about ten minutes before Lucas gets back,” said Frantz, “Less if this takes enough energy to make a difference to him.”

Frantz took a deep breath and placed the middle three talons of his right foreclaw on Dannel’s brow. Dannel winced as the sharp points dug into his skin, but tried to hold himself as still as possible; Frantz’s job didn’t need to be made any harder.

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624 Reviews

Points: 3571
Reviews: 624

Thu Feb 09, 2017 1:00 pm
Casanova wrote a review...

Heya, Scot! Casanova here to do a review for you!

Anyway, I'd have to say that Dannel is probably getting tired of this back and forth stuff. First he's free, then people tryna to kidnap him. Then he's free again, and people do kidnap him. THEN, HE GETS SET FREE. Kinda like a pattern going on here, don't you agree? Anyway, to the review!

The first thing is the shortness of this chapter. I could see it going on a bit further than it did, as this is far from an interesting stopping place and you can tell there's much more to go. I would love to see the rest of the chapter- BUT YOU DON'T HAVE IT POSTED!! WHY!! But yeah I really would like to. Anyway, onward.

Overall, this chapter seemed sort of... Laid back? I was expecting more drama and suspensefulness than this. This just seems sort of a lazy chapter- which it shouldn't be. Dannel is getting free! Where's the hype? Where's the drama? I would expect more vibes than what's there. Anyway, onward.

Why is Frantz disobeying Lucas? Aren't they human and imp? I figured there was some kind of bond here, but I guess something is going on with the demons and humans. Which is another reason I'd like to see this thing through. It's interesting, and there's ups and downs and surprises. I wanna know so bad, yet you haven't posted the rest.

Anyway, the only other thing I can say about this is that it seemed to go rather slow- which isn't like your chapters. Usually they're fast paced, but this one was really slow. I say find middle ground and work from there.

All in all this was a good chapter with surprises and strong plot. I would like to see where it goes.

I think that's all I have to say on this, so I hope this helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Your friend, Matt

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1634 Reviews

Points: 67548
Reviews: 1634

Thu Apr 02, 2015 5:38 am
Deanie wrote a review...

Hi Biscuits!

I actually found this to be a short but generally good chapter, and I don't have too much to say! But I will try my best to give you some valuable feedback anyway. What I liked so much about this chapter is that we get to see how being so bossy to your imp can result in them not doing everything you expect them to do. It helps us realize that although they aren't human they are still their own person and might have their own ideas of what to do. They don't willingly simply obey all the time. And even though we haven't known Frantz for too long, I can seriously admire what he is about to do, especially if he is probably going to get punished for this as well. It makes me feel proud of him. And although Dannel isn't saying much here, I am curious to find out about why they tried to capture him in the first place. I am sure I will find out in the future.

What I was missing in this chapter was the element of panic. All the way through the journey or walking and when he first wakes up, he doesn't panic in the slightest. Even when he gets muted, he is unnaturally calm. That shouldn't happen. It's human instinct to picture all these scenarios where everything can go wrong and he will stay a prisoner to them or possibly something worse for the rest of his life. So maybe show some of those images to us, and give us the impression that he is panicking at least a little bit on the inside at least. Because his sense of calm was eerie in some places.

Another thing is, if he is hanging upside down for so long, surely a lot of blood is going to end up rushing to his head. I doubt he should be carried that way the whole time. I'm not sure if you have seen Shrek, but the hold he has Fiona in at some point - the over the shoulder one - works well too when being held captive. And in that case, he will be safe from going too red and any other consequences of being upside down for too long as well.

The last thing I want to mention is that Dannel doesn't even question why Frantz is helping him? I mean, I am sure he wants to escape as soon as possible, but Frantz is even risking a punishment for him. It might be because they are friends, but it might be something more. In the shock and being caught up in everything that is happening, I am sure he would be likely to stumble out a question as to why he is doing this. And personally as a reader as well, I am pretty eager to know. Which is another motive to include it in there.

But that aside, this chapter was short but pretty much perfectly written. I couldn't find anything to nitpick and had nothing much that needed changing. Make sure you post another chapter soon because I want more!

Deanie x

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1220 Reviews

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Reviews: 1220

Sun Feb 22, 2015 8:54 pm
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Kale wrote a review...

Hello there, BiscuitsBatchAvoy. I'm here to rescue this chapter of yours from the Green Room on this fine Review Day. I haven't read any of the previous chapters, so if anything I bring up was already explained in earlier chapters, feel free to disregard it.

Dannel wondered what on Tayfir could have pushed him to breaking his wings out.

"Breaking" doesn't make much sense here. "Bring" would be a better choice.

Dannel raised his eyebrows as the realisation of who Lucas had been talking to dawned on him.

What is it that makes Dannel realize that Lucas is talking to Teersin? Right now, it reads like this revelation comes completely out of the blue, and it's really confusing. It also makes Frantz's comment later about Teersin being present a bit redundant, and not in a good way.

around the side of the tent, the back, then away

It reads more smoothly if there's a "to" before "the back".

Frantz hauled him to his feet and led him to the centre of the tent.

What happened to Dannel's injured foot? Considering that just brushing against something was so painful, how is he able to stand?

As for the break, it feels very abrupt. Generally, a good place to break a scene or chapter is when there's a pause in the characters' actions as well, such as when they're taking in a new event or trying to absorb a new revelation. The break here is right in the middle of an action, though, so it feels too sudden and like a forced cliffhanger.

If Frantz is transporting Dannel somewhere, it would make more sense for the break to be right after Dannel has been transported, right before he fully takes in the change of scenery.

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137 Reviews

Points: 428
Reviews: 137

Sun Feb 22, 2015 6:43 pm
MissGangamash wrote a review...

As not that much happened here, I've not really got much to say.

I think Dannel should be more surprised about Frantz wanting to help him escape. The whole chapter seemed a bit wishy-washy but it has the potential to be tense and gritty. I mean, Dannel's just been captured for some unknown reason, surely he'd be confused/scared? He just seems quite complacent. He didn't seem too bothered that they'd captured his sister as well.

Maybe add a little bit more than just, 'Frantz dumped him on a wooden bench which Lucas then bound his arms and legs to.' Show that Dannel put up a fight, that was pretty futile in the state he is in.

Give Dannel a bit more emotion, he seems quite flat in this chapter.

Let me know when the next bits up :)

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14 Reviews

Points: 133
Reviews: 14

Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:13 am
Dustbunny14 wrote a review...

Hey Dustbunny here!
Now i have to be honest, this is the only part in the series that i have read so i don't have any thing to say story wise but here are a few things that i noticed.

1. "He clenched his stomach muscles and heaved himself up" now like i said this is the only thing in this series I've read so maybe there is a point to this but if its just description, i would recommend a different way to describe as it threw me off and i was wondering what kind of story this was and whether or not i really wanted to read it. Like i was super confused, was he doing sit ups using the bathroom, i had no clue, so you might do something with that.

2. "Frantz’s grasp but Frantz" In your second paragraph there you wrote Frantz many a time, this is something that i find myself doing often but you don't want to overuse there names, it messes with the fluidity. "Dannel groaned and tried to twist out of Frantz’s grasp but Frantz only grunted" This can easily be fixed by doing something like:
Dannel groaned and tried to twist out of Frantz’s grasp but he only grunted.

3. Another thing that i noticed, and this is kinda connected to the name thing, it seems that you have a lot of characters and a lot of names and so it makes it harder to use "He, she, etc." To refer to characters, often times in fantasy stories you get a lot of names and it sometimes is hard to keep up with even if you've read from the beginning, so i'd recommend simplifying a bit, try and focus on your main characters and what they are doing.

That's all i really got! Good job! Now as i mentioned this is the only part that i have read however what i have seen makes me interested, i'll have to go back and check the rest out! Keep up the good work and i want to see more from you!

“I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you.”
— Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince