Hi Megsug!
Happy review day (this is happening in every review, you know )
As always, another good chapter. We can see Qui trying her best to teach him an array of skills in a short amount of time, and I am pretty sure she is realizing how difficult and hopeless the idea of this is going to be. And even though Lekan is starting to see it as well he is trying his best to stay optimistic. I can certainly admire him for that. I also really love the way we're getting into Qui's thoughts of him, and seeing that she is finding a soft spot for Lekan as well. He is rubbing off on her, and I seriously do hope a romance ends up happening between those two. I definitely do ship this.
As many have said before me, I am also not sure about the pause. I felt like I was left confused about what had really happened for a bit too long for my liking. I would've wanted a bit more of an explanation sooner. I think you could clean things up by when Qui grabs his wrist and is shaking his head, you tell us what he was reaching for in the first place. I mean by saying 'grabbing his wrist to stop if from reaching her purse as she shook her head.' That way the reader gets to understand that he was attempting to steal much earlier on, and that leaves them with less time of confusion. It clears things right up for me, and then I wouldn't see the pause as a problem anymore.
After the attempted steal Lekan seems like the kind of person who would think over all the tips and tricks he had been taught when it comes to stealing as he tried to comprehend where he went wrong. I felt like that should be mentioned somewhere, somehow, to give him credit. You could have Qui see that in his distant look that he was glossing over all the tips he had been learned. That way we get to see that he is really trying his best, despite how much he isn't completely succeeding at anything in particular. This is just a suggestion though.
You wouldn’t happen to have a contact with someone who could teach
No need for the 'a' in this sentence.
“I told you that you’d know and then when you’re actually there,”
This sentence was a bit confusing on it's own. I rephrased it, so it hopefully still matches what you meant it to. But as it is I wasn't able to understand what was meant to be said. 'I told you that you'd know the basics, and then when you're actually there you'll pick up more.'
ridiculous as the boy was, she thought, maybe knew, he was good
I love, loved this part of the story. I feel like we could use some other punctuation than the comma though. I would make the second and third commas instead, (meaning - that thing), and then I would add the word 'even' between maybe and knew, just to add some more to the sentence. I feel like it is small tweaks could improve the affect of the sentence.
Irresponsible and enough Velodian to get on by the time you had to leave. Do you not believe me? Do you think I’d lie? I’ll find someone to help you. You’ll learn what you learn, then you’ll keep learning on your journey there naïve, but good all the same.
I don't really understand what was going on here. I didn't understand what the first sentence was supposed to mean at all, and I get the impression that it wasn't a full sentence anyway? And then I wondered if the rest of the paragraph was supposed to be speech that was missing the speech marks, but I don't think it was meant to be. Maybe it's her thoughts? If that is the case, then I would put the words into italics. If it's supposed to be something else than I also think that needs to be cleared up a bit more.
I'm tried now, so I am going to sleep. But I will be back to review more in the morning!
Deanie x
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