Young Writers Society

The story is too random! You need to think about your character development and you should think deeper about how the story works. For example, first "Matt" was talking to his friend about Christmas, and then suddenly jumped to relationships, and ends in a vague way. You should think the story like this: Two friends preparing for Christmas; talks about relationships; and Matt with the imaginary relationship should met a girl through visiting some where, in a location, and he likes her, and tries to find a way to have her, blah blah... The story I suggested to you is cliche, but I think that's what you need to build up a romance/comedy short story. In conclusion, I don't know if you're just playing with a real story? Or is this serious to you?

When I finsihed your story I am wondering if your going to conitinue. I find that it serves a reader a good problem for the protagonist but there was no resolution. The ending was too random and didn't resolve anything. Another thing is you need to put more descriptions about charactor's actions, environments, and emotions and I see you do too much telling and not enough showing. What I do like is your characts. From the dialog they seem relatable and distict enough.

Hi!
the first thing that I struck me about this is that the characters sort of speak as if they're reciting from an essay: it is very measured and logical. it gives logical 'solutions' to certain implications, such as when the first speaker asks the second if he has anything planned for christmas. He asks the question, gives an implication( 'i know it's busy this time of year'), and a solution (every guy needs a break).
furthermore, I don't understand how this turned into a conversation about the second speaker's love-life so fast. It's between these two guys, who have been friends for a while, and while you do show that comfortableness in your dialogue, I still don't think Mr. forever alone's love life would be the first topic of interest.
The first guy is very unlikable, and a little stereotypical as the 'best friend' of the 'nice smart reclusive guy'. the ' I'm always right' line? i must have seen it in like, 3 or more disney channel original movies. plus others. It's a mark of the slightly-concieted, confident, cool friend, and it's sort of boring by now.
like foley says, your dialogue is also a bit stiff, and formal. of course, so is John Green's in the fault in our stars... well, formal. Stiff, no. if you want to get away with formal, you have to get rid of the stiffness. Stiffness is an absolute nono.
happy writing!
-Satira

Is this just an excerpt? Either way, this has potential, but needs quite a bit of expanding, and refined dialogue.
"I'd was wondering if you would like to accompany me and my wife on a once in a lifetime cruise to Paris." Nobody actually talks like this. "Just meet me at the downtown pub." Unless this is set in the UK, I doubt anyone will refer to the bar as a pub, even if that's what it is. Unless, of course, its actual name is The Downtown Pub. So, for the beginning, I would advise starting the conversation with a bit more back and forth catching up (remember, keep it natural, just how you would talk to your buddy), then ask for the meet-up, skipping the offer for now: "Listen, can you meet me at that bar downtown, the one on Main Street? I have something I want to run by you."
Save the offer for Paris until they've met in the bar, and comb through your dialogue. If you wouldn't say it in real life, your character doesn't need to say it, either.