Young Writers Society

Interesting... The poem seems to skip a bit, but I can tell that it all talks of the same thing. I don't understand the first stanza all to well though, but that might just be me. The last stanzas do make sense. Altogether I must say that, this being your first poem, it's not bad. Not bad at all. I hope you know, though, that not all poems need to rhyme. In fact, poems that "flow" but don't have the same sound feels, I don't know, good. That may just be me. Some of my favorite poems have no rhyme scheme whatsoever, and yet they are the ones that stick with me the most. Keep writing, keep practicing, and soon poetry will flow out of you. Use the pen (or in this case, the keyboard) as your medium. Don't force anything; *sings like Elsa* Let it flow! Good luck on future poetry!

Hey, BookWolf. I'm Nonny and I'm going to go ahead and review your poem here. I admire that you trust YWS enough to post your very first attempt of poetry on here. I wish you the best of luck towards not getting someone who gives you too much of a hard time. The good thing is that poetry is whatever you want it to be. There are so many different forms that you can write whatever you want and it can be a free verse poem. I even wrote a poem about how much I hated writer's block once and it was a mess, but it was funny and it worked. I'm not exactly the best when it comes to punctuation so if I say something that doesn't seem right, then just ignore it. Otherwise, here goes.

1st verse: I don't thing that there needs to be a period at the end of 'night' on the first line or that 'there' on the next line needs to be capitalized. I'm also not exactly sure how I feel about using the word 'except' to start a line in any poem, or story, for that matter. Maybe something along the lines of this:

A blade of the night,( or maybe a (;) or a (-) )
There is no better sight.
When it brings blight,
then you might
throw it off a cliff and let it take flight.

2nd verse I'm not sure I'm thrilled on the rhyming on every single line. Now, that isn't to say it's a bad thing. People have different views on poetry and that's a completely normal thing. I think it brings along the aspect of trying to force the rhyme and in turn, makes the poem forced. You can struggle to find words that fit in with the last word on the previous sentence and sometimes the lines come out looking weird or awkward. In this verse, the 'shower and flower' lines are a little bit out of place. When I think of a blade, or power, I don't think of a flower at all.

3rd verse The word will is very repetitive in this verse. It doesn't look incredibly awful but there are other ways for you to write the word 'will'. I also will say that the word soon isn't really needed at the end of this verse. It makes the previous sentence lose it's impact, in my opinion.

4th verse I'm questioning this one. In a way, this is the most powerful verse. I think it could be more powerful though. I was curious as to why you chose to write 'I am not' at the very end like that. I guess that with a little rewording, it could become more powerful. Let me give it a try:

A blade of strength
only gives way to those who are worthy.
Alas, I am not.

Not exactly that word, obviously, but I think it could work.

Overall: I think you did a great job with your first poem. Mine was just as much a mess as anyone's first attempt. You get better over time and eventually, you'll be writing things in certain types of poems that you didn't even know existed. I suggest taking the time to go around and read poems and find out what you like in them. I generally like the same poems that are similar to mine. In the end, all my suggestions are very minor. They're suggestions and in any suggestion, there is a choice of change. In the end, your poem is what you wrote and how you wrote it is the way it needs to be.

Keep writing!
- Nonny

P.S. Welcome to YWS. If you have any questions, I'd be happy to help you.

Hey Bookwolf
Good news, this wasn't bad at all for your first attempt! My own was absolute crap,l it had no original idea or thought, no rhythm, no anything. Yours, at least, has an inkling of these.
I like the idea of a blade, and the way you worked around that. I think you did well to not repeat yourself and your thoughts on each stanza, as most new poets can fall into that dreadful habit.
My opinions on the rhyming scheme: I didn't mind the idea of rhyming every line - it read well. But this is hard to do, as we saw in your second stanza, when you used cower and faster ~for the last two lines. These words don't rhyme, they just have the same two last letters. You could rhyme the second line with the third, the first with the fourth, first with the third and fourth, etc. So many varieties to choose from, be creative! You won't have to usee words like 'boon' and 'croon' if you get stuck
In the first line, when you said 'then you might', this doesn't need a comma after it, in fact it shouldn't have one. When I look at punctuation in a poem it's the same as it is in a story, at leaest that's how I write. It reads better and looks better, in my opinion.
It can sometimes be a good idea to drop your rhyming scheme in the last stanza, if you're going for more impact, but I didn't really enjoy it here. I think maybe changing the rhymings scheme works too, but since yours was just rhyming every line - as I said above - you couldnt't do this.
I hope I helped, you did well for your first attempt, trust me!

Keep writing!
Yours in ink,
TS