Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was a nice little piece of action...loved the idea behind this and the fight scene there at the end was really well executed too. Well...not too much else happened....but ehh...more details down below anyway.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Ivycove's green eyes peered through the dense bushes along with the other contestants. Two males were already in the Arena, Clawrake and Greycloud. Blood splattered across the white snow as they brawled, sending howls of pain and growls of warning into the icy morning air. Clawrake now had Greycloud pinned to the ground. Greycloud struggled to brake free, but the younger male was stronger.

Ivycove glanced over at the two Judge-Wolves, who watched with expressionless faces. She looked back to the battle.

Greycloud snarled as he tried desperately to get Clawrake off. But with one final yowl, Clawrake had sunk him mighty teeth into Greycloud's neck. action thee.

Clawrake lifted his muzzle to the sky and let out a long howl of triumph.

The Judge-Wolves summoned him to their side and one of them said, "Well done. Our next opponents will be Icemane -- and Ivycove."

A thrill of adrenaline rushed through Ivycove and she shook her shaggy black pelt as she stepped through the bushes, into the large circular clearing. To her right she saw a grey male with a white neck come through the bushes as well. They both made it to the center, where their eyes met, standing only feet away. Ivycove knew she should feel scared, at last nervous. But she didn't. One of them was going to die, while the other was going to walk away, only to risk their life again in the Championship Games. No, she felt perfectly fine, excited actually.

"Three," one of the Judge-Wolves started saying, "two, one.... Fight!"

A snarl escape Ivycove's bared lips as she lunged at Icemane. He dodged to the side and she missed. He came up from behind, leaping onto her back. She threw him off and sent him flying into the snow. She rushed over to his downed body, hoping to end this quickly, but he had already jumped to his feet. His hackles lifted and he reared up and she did the same. She clawed him in the face and pushed all her weight against him, willing him to fall. He stumbled, but pushed back harder and she fell back.

Ivycove felt a sharp pain in her back and she let out a cry of agony. She rolled over and saw a rock there that she had not seen there before. Icemane was now standing over her, one paw placed on her chest, teeth bared. She could smell his hot breath on her face and she knew she was at his mercy. Yet, she still didn't feel afraid.

Her hind foot shot up and her paw dug deeply into his stomach. He yelped loudly and fell off of her. She was instantly on her feet, letting out a low growl. Icemane glared at her from where he stood, nothing but rage gleaming in his eyes.

He leaped at her, but she was ready and met him half way. Having taken it by surprise, Icemane had no time for a defensive move and Ivycove found herself towering over him, both paws on his neck. She narrowed her eyes mockingly and whispered,

"Too slow."

Fear flashed into his expression as she removed her paws and clamped her jaws around his throat.

Oh, and I'm following you. Thanks! I will be posting soon, but I need to review some still.

I would think that this might be part of a story in the works. If you wrote a story with these characters, then the story might not be so emotionless. The only problem with this story is that Ivycove is too bland of a character. I think your goal here is to get people maybe rooting for Ivycove to win. And without character, you don't have a story. Other then that, I think this is great and I agree with Satira in the fact that this is like the Warriors. I do think that you weren't going for normal wolf behavior, espcially because Ivycove talks! Okay, signing off. Remember, if imagination is the spice of life, then let your dish burn your tongue off!

I think this is...exactly like the warriors. Except for the planned murder.
your main character is a murderer. And i don't think she cares. Which is going to make her hard to like. Also, she doesn't seem to have a personality.
Wolves, in general, are social creatures. They don't ever kill one of their pack. There IS a hierarchy, but it isn't this whole gladiators-thing. If all the wolves came together to happily kill each other, then they would already be extinct. Why would they be killing each other instead of FOOD? why is this organized like it's normal. Those wolves, essentially, are people with feelings. Even though you haven't painted them that way at all.
sorry. that's just what i thought.

Hey Bookwolf!
I l-o-v-e-d LOVED this story!! I have no idea why, but this sort of reminds me of The Warrior cats, but with wolves instead. Even the names! I love it! I will definitely read "The Powerful Gifts"! Keep Writing!!
-SnazzyPencil

Hello! I like the theme of your story, all it needs is a little improvement, the cliff-hanger at the end is always good lol

He leaped at her[,] but she was ready and met him half way.

Fear flashed into his expression as she removed her paws and clamped her jaws around his throat.

I'm pretty sure it's in instead of into-I'm not exactly sure, though.

Icemane glared at her from where he stood, nothing but rage gleaming in his eyes.

"nothing but" in the sentence is not needed, but you could leave it there.

"Three," one of the Judge-Wolves started saying, "two, one.... Fight!"

Since they are wolves, you could put yowl, bark, or yelp.

Her hind foot shot up and her paw dug deeply into his stomach.

"hind foot" sound awkward. It sounds way better as hind leg.

"Well done. Our next opponents will be Icemane -- and Ivycove."

I used to do this too, but somebody told me that you actually don't put a space, you just put: "Well done. Our next opponents will be Icemane--and Ivycone."

Very interesting. I want to know what happens next. Keep up the good work. Can't wait to read more of your work.

That was very well written, a few spelling errors but otherwise ok. This would make a good novel in my opinion. Think about it. Back to a bit of criticism. The story didn't really explain why there was an arena and there wasn't enough background about the characters. You might consider fixing that. Otherwise that was a really good story!

Hey! ajruby here to review.

I gotta say, I love reading short stories like this one. It gets your heart pounding and all excited.

I did see a fair amount of grammatical errors in this though.

"Greycloud struggled to brake free" Surprisingly common to see this, but it should be break.

"Clawrake had sunk him mighty teeth into Greycloud's neck." Should be his.

"Ivycove knew she should feel scared, at last nervous." Should be least, not last.

"through the bushes, into the large circular clearing" The comma shouldn't be there.

I think I might have seen a couple more, but I can't find them now.
Anyone, onto content. I like the storyline you have here, but some of the sentences need some work.

"Ivycove's green eyes peered through the dense bushes along with the other contestants" Sounds like she's looking through the other contestants.

"They both made it to the center, where their eyes met, standing only feet away." Are their eyes standing feet away or are they? And maybe you should put the number of feet.

"She rushed over to his downed body, " Downed sounds strange. Maybe try fallen.

Overall, I think this could use a little bit more detail in the fight scene and all over. But you have an excellent start on it!

Keep on writing!

-ajruby12 (The Silver Lady)