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Young Writers Society



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by yakitsa



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Tue Aug 11, 2015 10:01 am
Mysticalxx wrote a review...



Wow.....this had me pause for a minute and...just.......let the words get ABSORBED into my brain. You've definitely made this person very pompous! I kept thinking of Percy Weasly from Harry Potter.
So, awesome work! I like it! Haha, " it took me 35 seconds to slip in my gown", Lol, that's SO much. However, what makes this poem meaningful is the fact that the person is confessing that she, too, wasn't born a prodigy and had to work her way to excellence. So yeah, I like that idea. :D

Keep it up!

Mist




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Sat Dec 27, 2014 5:07 am
Linkzude16 says...



So many reviews have already been submitted that I won't write one, but I like this and find the cockiness of the speaker amusing.




yakitsa says...


Heehee. Thanks!



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Sat Oct 04, 2014 9:49 pm
JumpyDot wrote a review...



whhat thodj vgrejg reejge ggrkhrwrkjth tht win gutid toh gpeepigy nttig thriberjb ththerritr in my hroat ! <-- This is a metaphor, it represents of how my brain processes poetry, it doesn't. Believe it or not, those are all actually words. They were formulated sentences and such forth, but they were not useful to you as I simply didn't care enough to use my fingers to type them out. I instead let my fingers flurry hoping for the occasional word to come out right.
In short: I don't read poetry, it's frustrating to read and to write.
But I made an exception, just for you! (And my star chart, but don't pay attention to that.)

Now, the first thing that I liked about this story is the character. I'm coming to find that you are an expert at making easy to understand and quick witted characters. Like, seriously, I need your talent at that. Gimme. Your characters are just so likeable! Even for this character that is supposed to be your annoying friend (I'm looking at you Harvey!) she's still fun to read about.

How about the writing? As I'm quite the n00b at reading poetry, I have no idea. I'm as lost in this part as I would be if I read Shakespeare.

Well, what about the story? This is a problem I also come across when reading poetry, they're usually focused on prose instead of story, causing them to be a bit confusing. ( See my review on Unchained Dystopia for more info on story vs. prose.) So I think that's it. Goodbye!




yakitsa says...


Thanks for reading my poem, means a lot to me!



Linkzude16 says...


You earned it by drawing my attention with your other poem. Nonetheless, I was happy to read this.



yakitsa says...


:)



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Wed Oct 01, 2014 2:20 am
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MargoSeuss wrote a review...



Hello, Yastika. Margo here for a review.

I can imagine someone reading this as a rap. Although your ryhme scheme is not constant, you still managed to acheive good flow with this. I commend you. The characterization (of an ego-tistic teenage genius) is brilliant. Evil genius is my favourite sort of character :)

My only suggestion for you would be to improve the ending. I think the ending would be more effective if you had a line between the crawl and fall couplet.

Suggestion: Even I started life with a crawl
And though I am practically inhuman,
It could very well end in a fall.
(Unlikely. My equilibrium is fully functional.)

I enjoyed this poem. Keep scrawling the scrawl!

--MS




yakitsa says...


Thanks so much!



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Mon Sep 29, 2014 9:04 pm
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Amindor wrote a review...



Hi Yastika02, Amindor here.
This poem was very amusing and wonderful, and I couldn't help but laugh. It has such a great flow with the way you used the words, and I could easily just imagine the tone in it. I do have a few concerns, but I see that most reviews have already stated them. Congrats. Your poem is simply amazing and describes so much in a teenager. I want to thank you, also. You just made my day.




yakitsa says...


Thanks!
It's nice to know you liked it!



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Mon Sep 29, 2014 8:09 pm
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Ljungtroll says...



That was great! It was funny and hilarious (really the same two words spelled differently) and I feel like laughing my head off. MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *wipes tear of joy from eye* oh, that was a good laugh. Thank you for entertaining me so.




yakitsa says...


Hee hee...glad you could have a laugh!
Thanks for visiting!



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Mon Sep 29, 2014 6:23 pm
babymagic18 says...



This was actually pretty amusing. I liked the voice of it, I wasn't distracted. The title was a good one as well. I'm no poetry expert but I'd give this is four stars perhaps. Anyway keep it up this was a good piece.




yakitsa says...


Thanks!



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Mon Sep 29, 2014 5:34 pm
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Corncob wrote a review...



Hello; here to review as promised!

1. it took me 35 seconds to slip into my gown.

Just in the matter of flow, I suggest making "to slip into my gown" a new line. Ex:

it took me 35 seconds
to slip into my gown.

Also, I am very particular about using italics, but I think using it in this situation actually added to your poem. Nice job on that ;).

I do take the time to brush my tresses,

^^Love that rhyme!

2. and once played a prank for a dare.

I just think this sentence was a bit hard to understand. I suggest clearing it up to something like, or exactly this:

and once played a prank as a dare
or
and once did a prank for a dare
or
and once did a prank as a dare

Lots of options there ;D.

(it was 97.2% safe)

Haha, good one.

3. But I disagree,

Here, I disagree with the use of italics (although you can't see the italics in my review). When people use italics in poetry to make something more powerful, it just never does it for me. If you want to make it powerful, making it an entirely new line is enough. Or you could add a period at the end. It is your choice, though, because you are the author; I'm just sharing my suggestions/strong opinions ;).

4. I shall carve and shine this jewel called Earth,

Once again, I suggest not making Earth italicized.

5. So, you see,

even though,

I am

a teenage know-it-all,

This entire stanza-ish thing, I feel, could have been shortened to less lines. It was just the start of a sentence, and it really didn't need to be so many separate lines.

6. even I started life with a crawl,

and will probably end it with a fall.

(not really, chances are low)

I don't know, this ending sort of confused me, even though I basically got it. My praises are not high on this ending.

All in all, this poem was quirky and funny. A definite bonus was the percents and chances, which I thought were the funniest parts of the poem. If you had added more percents in there, perhaps in a format of something they do and don't do, and then a probability, as it started in the beginning, I most likely would have enjoyed this more. This humored me, but it wasn't consistent and it wasn't a blow-my-mind thing.

Saying that, this was nicely crafted despite the inconsistency. Good grammar and vocabulary, such as tresses and refrain. The last line was also nice, but perhaps a little abrupt. Good job on one of your first pieces!

Overall rating: 7/10
Keep writing; you have an overload of potential!
+1




yakitsa says...


Thanks so much!
I'm so glad you took the time to review!



Corncob says...


Thanks for letting me know! :D



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Mon Sep 29, 2014 11:38 am
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sbf1102 wrote a review...



I love this poem :)

I found a few nitpicks.

"and T.V and games."

"TV" doesn't need the period in between the T and the V.

Also, "Watch amateur primate," should have a comma between the words "Watch" and "Amateur."

That's it though. Great job! And it's so true. Nerds rule the world! ;)




yakitsa says...


Thanks so much, I made the changes!
And, yep, nerds rule!



yakitsa says...


Thanks so much, I made the changes!
And, yep, nerds rule!



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Mon Sep 29, 2014 4:54 am
Dracula wrote a review...



Wow this is a hilarious piece! I love how you put percentages and lots of other little comments in the brackets, it added to the humour as well as the know-it-all theme.

It's cool how you start by saying things like 'I do sing in the shower' then you go and state how brilliant your brain is. As well, of course, you added that 'don't call me modest' bit which completely erased the idea I'd first had that you were trying to say you're normal.

Okay so I'm writing this review as if you're the smarty pants. I've no idea if you are or not. :P
But anyway, it's an awesome poem! A++++




yakitsa says...


Thank you so much!
Well, I'm definitely NOT a know-it-all! Infact (unfortunately) I might be the complete contrary!
I mentioned the 'don't call me modest' bit to express that this know-it-all is a wee bit whacko, but I see your point!
Thanks again!




Who knew paper and ink could be so vicious.
— Kathryn Stockett, The Help