Young Writers Society

Hello I really liked this poem! The main theme that was explored in this poem reminded me of the spoken word piece called "Look Up". Anyways, when I read the part about "I think I would have done better in the twenties", I took more of an intense liking for this poem as I am a fan of the music and literature produced around the 1920s. I would absolutely love to time travel back just to live a few days and see how life was back then, although I don't think I can stand the tight and long clothing women had to wear. :p Okay, now to review your work (sorry for rambling for too long).
In the sentence "If not you're worthless to us" I think there needs to be a comma after the not. Also for the sentence "But instead I sit here a slave to my iPhone" a comma after the here. However, if it was intentional and you think it will disrupt the flow of the poem, then don't listen to me. :p
Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem and thank you for sharing it.

Love where this takes us! And I completely agree with the sentiment. I also agree with Cailey that the periods at the end of each line were very off-putting, but then again I feel that way about Emily Dickinson's poetry too. I really like that you begin with how "blessed" we are: blessed to have this technology, perhaps, and said a bit ironically, but also blessed in many other ways that are, as you say, being eclipsed by our reliance on everything computer-based. I love the first three lines especially, and the rhyme of "pressed" and "blessed". I would take "cyber children" out of quotation marks, personally, but again it's a grammatical preference. I feel like "the goodness is lost in the eclipse" is almost a really cool line, but is pushing for a rhyme. I would maybe search for a stronger word than goodness, and use eclipse as a verb. Also rhyming "post" with "post"... yeah. One other thing I would think about is line length, which varies considerably and might be messing with your meter -- the stanzas don't scan the same, and I think it detracts from your powerful rhymes.

Like I said, I very much enjoyed this! Well done!

- A fellow Old Soul

This is an amazing poem! It is really appropriate to our generation and I can totally agree with what you're getting at, I mean, sometimes I think that the single most horrible thing in our generation is technology. Even if it helps us out a lot of the time, it seems to cause more harm than good.
This is a great poem that uses emotive language really well and makes consider the message. Good job

Hello! Here for a review!

Anyway, I won't comment on the paragraphs. Paragraphs are impossible to figure out on this site, and I've been here for three years or so. Still don't have a clue how to make it all match up.

I really liked some of your lines. Like "generation narcissism is now our new post" that is amazing. I love that line so much. Also, I totally agree that this generation is so phone obsessed and in need to always be connected, always be involved in media of some kind, and I love seeing someone else portray that as a negative.

One little nitpick about this, I didn't like the periods at the end of each line. A line break is already a pause, and with the added pause of a period at the end of each line it just feels so tedious, like having to stop every five seconds when you're driving a car. It's just too many full stops. Try to combine sentences or mix up lines or something so it's not just sentence. Stop. Sentence. Stop.

Also, the ending. Marvellous. I just really liked that ending and think it captures the whole poem so well and ties it all together and makes a huge statement. I also love the title. It's great. You're great. Great poem.