Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
I want to feel the blood rushing through your veins. I want to smell your sweet, stimulating breath. I want to feel your skin, hot and alive over me. I want to hear your captivating voice. I want to feel the warmth of perfect lips against mine. I want to taste the sweat that drenches your immaculate body. I want to feel your heart racing under my palm. I want to see your eyes wide awake with wonder.
I want to feel the blood pouring from your veins. I want to smell your stale, shrinking skin. I want to feel your arms, cool and drained under mine. I want to hear your dying breath. I want to feel the chill of lifeless flesh beneath me. I want to taste the lips that hide your contorted face. I want to feel your heart spilling crimson through my hands. I want to see your eyes glazed over with decay.
I will always be in love with you.
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137,756 Literary Works • 672,069 Reviews
Very emotional. I love you descriptions but I didn't like how you described the same things.
Examples....
"I want to hear the blood rushing through your veins." and "I want to feel the the pour blood thourh your veins."
"I wnat to feel the waramth of your perfect lips against mine." and "I want to taste the lips that hide your contorted face."
I think with the senteces like these you should combie or choose.
Also when it comes to descriptions similies and metephors should be your friends when writing great peices like this.
Thank you for the input!
This piece is now officially one of my favorites.
The ending gave the emotion exactly how you probably wanted it. It gave me the chills and this feeling is exactly what I look for in books. After rereading it, I noticed how each sentence in the second paragraph "mirrored" the first! If you were to write and sell a novel based on this letter, you can bet I will be on the preorder list!
Thank you so much! Again, I am absolutely flattered. That... is a brilliant idea. I already have so many novel ideas, and a couple in the making, but that is definitely up at the top of the list. I would be stunned if I could actually pull it off, and I'll certainly let you know if I ever do
Wow. Okay. Woah. I am shocked to be the first one reading this. I can tell you right now you communicated the feelings perfectly. Your imagery is just amazing. I'm so stunned right now. Your format was great, too. I love how corresponding sentences were familiar. And that ending was just, wow. This is such a great piece, I have absolutely nothing more to say about it other than it is super fantastic. Please, keep up the good work.
Thank you so much for the review! I'm not sure if I can even express how completely flattered I am by everything you said. I'm so glad that this piece struck you so strongly.