Young Writers Society

I love this poem. I can't believe that it only has three likes (one of them being mine). I like how this simplified what is said in the Bible. It puts it into words I can understand better. Keep up the good work, Linkzude16! Keep writing and NEVER get discouraged.

~Keepwriting

Hello!

Just so you know, I have no idea who any of these people are. That being said, I have a really good perspective on how to review this in a unique position of the ignorant. Because this sounds like it should be something to teach children about a story, I think my perspective is especially helpful.

So what I thought. First off, you never really mention who is who in the poem. For instance, who is Elijah? Is he the prince that told everyone to go away? Who is the prophet of God? Is that Elijah? I do know something of Paradise Lost, which was based on filling in sections of the bible, so I do sort of recall that Baalzebub was not the "God of Hell" so much as the right hand to Lucifer, so what's going on there? Whose god do you speak of when you say God, proper noun?

I'd also like to point out how many kings you have in this. We start with a dead king and a dead king's prince. These two are not really named. The king is already dead at the start of the story. Then we have a third king? who died in a fire?

All I'm saying is that the sequence of events needs more clarification in character. Some of these people are consistent, and should have that indication in the story so we can recognize when the King is the dead king from the start, or the Prince who would have become King if he wasn't sickly and telling people to go away, or a neighbor king.

Not to judge the story, but to give constructive criticism, the characters' names are used so little to keep with this magnificent beat you've got going, that it is kind of hard to follow for someone who doesn't know the faith.

I hope knowing what I don't know helps. I think the way that you told the story, the beat, the pacing, the methodology behind your word choice, is very creative and good. I don't think you have any problems there. I would caution you against always using capitals on the start of lines, but honestly I don't think you need that with this poem because it is supposed to be formal traditional, and that is formal traditional.

Good job.
-Aley

Hello there! Unknown391625 here with another review!

Ok I thought this was good. Very clever, but why King Ahazia? Interesting, but good idea. Something different, definitely different. But new. Very new and a good idea. As krazywriter said, your poem puts it into words we can understand and makes the story interesting. I though the same thing, ironically in almost the same way krazywriter put it. But anyways, good job overall. You categorized the genres and the age rating. I really liked it. Unoriginal, which I think is good, new, and clever. Good job with this! I will look for more poems by you. Don't give up and always write!

-Unknown391625

It's a pretty clever poem, in my opinion. May I ask what made you want to write a poem about King Ahazia? It's one of those stories I've heard before, but never really paid much attention to. Your poem puts it into words we can understand and makes the story interesting. As I said, pretty clever. Now I want to go look up the story.