18+ Language Violence Mature Content

Tristesse Chapter 4

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

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Hi there, I'm sorry for not being active recently, but I was in the middle of my exams!  But I finally finished them and was able to finish up a few details before posting this little guy up.

I hope you like it, it's very long but since I don't have any other exam for about 2 weeks, I may be able to pull up a few more chapters along.

Thanks to everyone that does help me improve, and, please, by all means, read! :3

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Chapter 4

"Follow me" Leonidas spurted once they got out of the music room. He himself sprinting once they were out of hearing range.

The hallway continued straight for a while, before breaking into an east and west division. He turned west.

"Wait!" Cecily called, as she did her best to follow his quickened steps. "I thought you said east. That's the wrong turn!"

Ignoring her for the time being, he stopped. The poor few ones directly behind him practically crashed on either side —kissing the walls— as they tried their best not to clash with the leading figure.

Taking a quick peek inside the double door to his left he ended up sighing. The couple of feet diameter of the place didn't really give him much encouragement to go in there. To make things worse, it didn't look like there was much space to move around.

"Here, inside the servants room." he commanded, practically pushing them all through the door. Something seemed to have once been written on it, but that now could only be guessed due to the age of the place, and the effects of time on it.

Outside the room, Leo reached for Isara's gun, which he knew she always kept with herself. This time it was hidden inside of her uniform. Thin leather straps held it just below her ribs, so that the waving of the slightly loose sailor suit shirt would conceal it. The reload was at the same place just on her other side.

The fact that even after being hit, and threatened, she had still made no move whatsoever to use said gun, was a prove of her own self-control —she wasn't about to waste such a valuable advantage, as was a single bullet, on that wanna-be bully. He checked it was fully loaded and shot two times at one corner of the servant's room, and a third one a second later.

He then turned at Isara and Chester, who didn't seem to get it right away and raised an eyebrow in unison. Finally, they got the message and let out their very best pained screams of terror and agony. Only to stop when Leo literally shoved them in the crammed up storage room —as they were the only ones left to get inside— and closed the door behind himself as silently as he could.

He managed to secure a space big enough to watch what happened from the opening that the two doors left behind.

"So? Would you care to explain why are we now in this, so very miserably, small space?" continued asking Cecily.

"We're basically betting on his rage. Hopefully he's not one to forgive nor forget easily." somehow he began to wonder, completely off-topic, the reason this room was now an storage room. He was pretty sure it had been once, from the time before Ragnarok —the end of times had many names, be it to curse or to praise it— a room where a servant would place their tools, for cleaning and that kind of jobs, probably.

Oh, yes, the explanation "He's from middle-to-high social standing, right?" but, if this had actually been once a mere servants room, he wondered the reason they had taken such a care for preserving it. Well, the whole 'high school' had been founded literally on the remnants of one of such from that last era. They had claimed that it was of cultural relevance, since it was one of the few, so well preserved, remains of the previous human civilization. “Having a considerably good influence everywhere you go, and the power to back up your words and hide your blunts. Although I'm generalizing quite a bit, these people are not used to not getting away with theirs. I think the recent situation applies."

"Then we're running from their, or maybe just his, wrath; and hiding in fear?" she pushed forward in that, so very tight, space. "Is that it? You did all of that so you could run away?"

"Not quite." Leonidas stated, half his senses focusing beyond that door, and along the hallway.

Nothing yet, had he miscalculated? "By the time we arrived at the little scene, you could say 'he'," Leo continued, making evident he was still referring to the, unknown to him, brunette "was already a bit far away of the common definition of sanity. If someone had just hurt you, and taken away the probably only possibility you had of surviving —for you probably had no clue of your next step—, you'd be at least pissed."

"What we have is a silly little bull, charging blindly at the target of his hatred" added Is with her sweetest voice.

"We expect him to come seeking for us. By this time he should have convinced the remaining students to follow him. Perhaps he just regained some of his control back, but still. " this time it was Chester who contributed to the conversation.

"And," Leonidas interrupted. If he had to start a monologue, he might as well finish it. "if we add the gun shots, and Chess' girlish scream, what do we get?"

Leaving the thought hanging around, he returned most of his attention to the hallway. The remaining two that understood to a point Leonidas' way of thinking, observed with curiosity. Was it too much for their brains to handle?

Then something at all unexpected happened: weird girl #1 spoke.

"Blinded by anger, and now excited, for we, you specially," she added with the faintest glance at the still focused Leo "may be dead. He'll go towards the opposite direction without thinking it twice. You plan to use him so we can walk out freely —like you did just some moments ago. Using them as bait, and sacrifices for that matter of fact."

She still had a single question, though "But, was it just to check whether the doors are clear or not?"

That caught, even if slightly, Leo's attention. "What's your name, girl?" he asked, intrigued.

"Campbell, Alahana Campbell" she stated proudly. Alahana, huh. He'd have to research the name a bit once he got Isara out of this sticky situation.

Leonidas glanced at her for an instance.

"A pleasure, Alahana. And well said. With all that yelling around and everything, we have already summoned half the Faes around. Only a couple of us around here are worth something in a fight, and a literal pair are the ones used to dealing with Faes. We need to check this other exit somehow, and I don't think any of you would volunteer, exactly"

Wide eyes and red cheeks stated she'd been raised in an environment where acts, such as addressing someone by their first name stated a close relationship, intimacy perhaps. He had to admit it, she'd just destroyed the cool headed picture he had from her when she began mumbling something he particularly didn't care to listen to.

Still, there was a single person that was still trying to beat some sense at what she had just heard. Unlike the rest, which were simply trying to breath properly and calm among each other in silence, fearing they'd be next in one of this madman's plans.

"But, why did you said we were going to the eastern gate? If they were simply ignore all that and keep going straight, wouldn't that stop being useful to us?" a bit slow, but cold enough. Another interesting one, Isara's friend.

"There's no eastern gate,” he smirked “in the worst of cases, they'll hit a dead end, but won't think twice about trying the next way out. At least he won't, since he's not exactly right on the head, remember? I didn't just pick on him for the fun of it, you know?” it had been fun, though.

“I don't believe any of his group is stupid enough to point out his mistake. The exit next to us would then become their only way out besides going downstairs, on the other side of the building” he turned to Isara “By the way, downstairs was completely overcome by those things”

That earned him quite a glare from Is “Good to know.”

Idiot. That was quite the information he was holding back. Still, she trusted him to get them out of their situation. He always did.

Suddenly they heard some foot steps approaching towards their current location. Leonidas raised a closed fist, ordering silence.

Everything happened as he had predicted, the group of teenagers walked unfazed towards the door, and opened it. Not two seconds later, a pair of Hounds jumped at the one who opened the door and the poor guy that was by his side. They didn't feel a thing as they were pushed down by gravity and the momentum of the attack—their heads hit the ground with a dull noise. Both hounds decided to ignore the already dead pair, and continued their hunt, licking their fangs as they eyed the remaining members of the group.

Fear and anxiety filled the storage room, the amount of tension was palpable. Most of the group inside of there had, since the first scream, pushed all the way back as fast as it was humanly possible for someone to cower in a corner.

Leonidas decided to ignore them and count the seconds down.

Half a minute later he slipped silently by the doors, acquired a rock one of the already dead guys had apparently in his possession before dying —big rock, fist size— and threw with all his strength so it would smash at at the end of the hallway.

The Hounds reacted immediately, turning their attention from their meal, only to turn and bare fangs at the direction of the noise, ready to jump and tackle their next prey.

Leonidas acted fast, drawing the gun out. He aimed as steady as he could. Then the shot rang, followed only by the sound of dead weight falling to the floor. Without wasting another second he turned the gun to his other target and shot again, but failed this time as the clever Hound dashed to a side, then dashed again, and avoiding the second bullet.

Cursing his aim, he lowered his center of gravity and possible attackable area by kneeling, and aimed steady with both hands. The moment the Hound attempted to jump on top of him and add another corpse to his lunch, it was only met by a bullet right between the eyes.

He cursed under his breath once again. Yeah, he was out of shape, alright.

"Four shots? The old sword's getting rusty, I see" as sad as it was giving Isara and that smile of her's the reason, he had to. Normally, he'd use a single bullet for each and every enemy. Just one for the whole team if he was lucky enough —say they were at the edge of a cliff and he happened to take out the big guy in front of them with that single shot.

"He just needs to be sharpened." Chess approached, a hand gently laying in his friend's shoulder as he gave him the gun's reload. A smug smirk all over his face "Ain't that right, pal?"

Ignoring him, Leonidas walked past them, reloaded and threw away the empty magazine, and then headed towards the bodies. After making sure both hounds were really dead, he kept on walking towards the western gate. They needed to keep moving. He guessed the Hounds downstairs would get tired of licking those bones up and would head to their very own position —not necessary, but they might.

He came to stand right besides brunette #1 — apparently he had been one of the guys who opened the door. Good thing this idiot over here had played right on his plan. Had he just headed downstairs he would still die, but it wouldn't had been so convenient for them.

"Alahana, grab a couple of those brooms." He excused himself as he went past the empty carcases of what a few minutes ago had been a living human being and chose a couple of garments that would do the work. Leonidas removed a couple of shirts, as doing so with pants was just wrong, and finally went pass the gate.

He waited for his 'group' to come to their senses, since some of them were still cowering on that hideous corner, and simply wouldn't come out.

The young girl did as she was told, though the red in her cheeks showed she wasn't getting used to the first name basis. And brought the solid wood with her.

Ah, fresh air.

They finally came out of the building to a relaxing scenery; the dinning area made up quite the refreshing sight. Simple, but beautiful, stone carved tables and chairs were distributed for the place to actually work as a dinning ground under the clear sky. It was quite big, since with decent distance between each set of table and chairs, it could hold, say 40 sets.

Leonidas took the brooms quickly, before double checking everyone was outside. After a quick glance at the trees that delimited the place, he began working.The brooms were arranged along the open handle of the double door, and were tied up several times with the clothes that by now had been shredded into easier to use long pieces of clothing.

He turned to trees once again, something odd was drawing his attention there. Something was almost calling him. But the tree line over there was an illusion on itself, so he was probably just making things up. Meaning a couple feet into that apparently dense forest, stood a, quite big, fence, to ward off animals and like.

He made knots, passed it between the brooms over and over again, just to tie it once more and repeat it along various areas wrapping it all up one last time. It looked messy, but it'd hold down. Just another precaution in case the other Hounds had decided to come after them, smelling the fresh corpses from their side of the door.

The "High School" had been built on the irregular terrain of a mountain, not the peak, of course, but one of its side. Who'd think about building any kind of edification with educational purpose in such an unreachable place? Well, it didn't really matter. But then again, someone was just as silly to decide using said spot to do the same thing some years after.

Oh well, thanks to that the whole place had been designed to be distributed in minor sectors —male and female's wings, for example. Now, the female's was quite especial, since it was built facing the dull wall of a small cliff.

That very same someone Leo was just thinking about had decided that the dinning area should be on top of that cliff. Something completely unnecessary, if you'd ask Leonidas, but somehow it proved a lucky spot for them, since the only way to access that area was through the very door he'd just 'secured'

Well there was a mountain route that could be taken to arrive there, but it was incredibly long, an hour at the very least even if you were running at your top speed without stopping for rest.

"This way." pointed out Isara as she ventured towards one of the edges of the dinning area. Of course she knew the escape routes by heart, Leonidas had pounded them into her skull —as gently as his patience allowed him. She was a bit hard to, though. A real pain in the backside, but it proved to be right and necessary —like 10 minutes ago.

Carefully they began wandering the huge length of the dinning area, that —surprise surprise!— was not even used for dinning! No, somehow, all these innocent noble kids did over here were any number of illicit enjoyment that only people of their status would get away with even if caught. He didn't know the remaining details with accuracy, but as far as he knew, it was nasty.

At every noise they turned alarmed, their fear almost palpable— scared even from their own shadows if it twitched on the wrong direction. Every time a growl was heard at the distance, unavoidable thoughts such as 'will I be next?' would surface.

Even Leonidas was beginning to question his very own plan. They'd been attacked over other learning facilities, of course —it stopped being a coincidence after a couple of times— but never this aggressively. The city was miles away from there, but still a large herd of hounds had somehow found that very place in middle of a mountain and attacked it in an almost organized way; splitting up by covering terrain and wreaking havoc among their enemy lines.

It was a textbook assault, but with Faes?

At such a situation, it was indeed likely to encounter yet another enemy — if the last two hounds were to be considered some kind of scouts from a branched or smaller attack force. Were they to be held exactly were they were, well, they'd be trapped. To make things worse, if the the door behind them gave up, it would be a perfect pincer attack.

But he was overthinking it, right? He had to be. These creatures had no given any kind of sign for such intellect or organized way of thinking ever since their first appearance. But still, the question remained. Was it possible for all of that to be truly planned?

They'd been attacked a few times already, but never like this. He knew it to be simply... more. But he had not been able to connect the Faes attacks to anything nor anyone so far— unless the very creatures wanted them dead.

Could someone have found a way to control them? And what rotten luck it would be for that very person to somehow have a reason to kill them. Maybe it was indeed possible. Perhaps something still escaped his grasp —a clue of sorts, or even evidence.

"I just hope I've got enough bullets." he ended up muttering as he eyed suspiciously the trees one last time before he decided to focus on the task at hand. He'd face anything that came up to them, it was his job, his duty. Whatever happened, Isara would survive, he'd make sure of that.

But, that was when he saw it. The beast heading at full speed knocking over the heavy stone benches and tables with a surprising ease. It was the Alpha.

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Aley
Review
Aley wrote a review · Sun Aug 31, 2014 9:19 pm

Hello~ As I haven't read the other chapters I'm going to be focusing on nitpicks. Overall I really like how you have developed the different cultures and you've worked on distinguishing one from the other such as having the main character wonder at her society, and using rich, middle, and lower class openly as they discuss what these people might do.

Onto the nitpicks.

The poor few ones directly behind him practically crashed on either side —kissing the walls— as they tried their best not to clash with the leading figure.
"few ones" is a weird way to say people, and I don't think it's conducive to a quick read of the line. Also, most of the time people have enough traction on their shoes to stop.

The fact that even after being hit, and threatened, she had still made no move whatsoever to use said gun, was a prove of her own self-control —she wasn't about to waste such a valuable advantage, as was a single bullet, on that wanna-be bully.
This is really something that should have been shown, not told. We don't need to be told about her self control, we need to see it back when she's getting beaten up, by maybe, like, her trigger finger twitching, or stopping herself from reaching for the gun, and exposing that she has it back there.

He checked it was fully loaded and shot two times at one corner of the servant's room, and a third one a second later.
Doesn't that waste shots? I mean, if her point not shooting these people was to save bullets and hide the gun, then wouldn't that alert everyone there was a gun around, and waste bullets?

"We're basically betting on his rage. Hopefully he's not one to forgive nor forget easily." somehow he began to wonder, completely off-topic, the reason this room was now an storage room.
"an" should be "a" because S is not a vowel.

Although I'm generalizing quite a bit, these people are not used to not getting away with theirs.
Double negative. I'd suggest using "these people are used to getting their way."

He'll go towards the opposite direction without thinking it twice.
I'm not sure why he would do that. Most of the time they'd want to confirm the death, especially if they were blinded with rage, then they'd want to kill whomever took their kill away from them.

We need to check this other exit somehow, and I don't think any of you would volunteer, exactly"
You missed the period here.

The brooms were arranged along the open handle of the double door, and were tied up several times with the clothes that by now had been shredded into easier to use long pieces of clothing.
Clothing is stuff you can still wear, cloth, is stuff that you can tie things with, so "use long pieces of cloth."

Overall, there wasn't much more to say about the chapter. The thought patterns were a little confusing and I'm not exactly sure where he shot the gun, or why people would be relaxed because of gun shots, or why they'd stop pursuit because of gun shots, but hey, maybe that's something about your cultures?

Good job! I think you're working well with the story's direction and the way that you word things, although you could always use more show less tell. Get out of the characters head more and work in the now, describing stuff, and describing body language to move the story along~

Good luck.

Thank you for the review!! ...Now let's see if I can answer without making such a mess...btw, that'd be just the story related ones, since he grammar errors are completely my fault over there.

1) I probably wrote it to laugh as I kept working on the story (well, that's when they were about to crash against Leo, who suddenly stopped). It wouldn't be such a bad idea to remove it since it does take out a little bit of the mood...I'll have to fit in these jokes with the proper reason later on

2) You're absolutely right on that one. I'll probably mention the "trigger finger" like comment during the narration and then just point it out again when Leo reaches for the gun later.

3) I originally followed the train of thought that Leo was a bit overconfindent even as out of shape as he was, and didn't mind 3 bullets, depise his personality and that stubborn precaution of his. But you do are right, I wonder if it'll do the trick to just trash some stuff and the hide in the storage room, it'll probably have the same effect and woudn't alter too much the story line since leo would have to reach for the gun later on to kill the Hounds anyway.

4) The last would be about the whole changing directions and not checking on the dead. Well, that 'was' brunnette #1's first idea but after hearing signs of his "rival's" probable death, you could say the satisfaction got a little of his normal smug self back...just enough so he wouldn't head over to the possible death. The desire to check up on Leo and his possible gruesome body, would be overcome by the need to survive and run away that he originally had and forgot after Leo played with him...

I find it kind of messy if I just change into a little POV for just that part.... But, I'll just clear it up after they escape when one of them asks Leo why did B#1 do such a thing, since they wouldn't do that themselves, and just paraphrase that whole part since it was something I probably had in mind but didn't or couldn't right...

I always save my reviews 'cause they do help me to improve and like to have the possibility to check back on those. Anyway, thanks a lot! I actually learned from this and will make sure to correct on this chapter and to not mess up on these things in the next ones... maybe even edit a bit the last ones.

Once again, thank you! And you're welcomed to read my next (and/or last few XD) chapters! :3

User avatar
GreenLight24
Review

Hello there and happy review day. GreenLight24 here with a review for you, representing Team Green! :D I haven't read any of the other chapters of this novel, so I'll mainly be reviewing this from a subjective standpoint, focusing on the thematic and narrative elements rather than actual character context and plot detail. First, I'll lay out some things that I liked about this piece and then I will try my best to provide you with a few constructive criticisms later in the review.

*clears throat*

Okay, so, this is a pretty interesting chapter and like I said, I haven't read any of the others. Even so, I was able to find my bearings pretty early on in the chapter and really focus in on the events you described. Never did I feel like you were dancing around the point. Rather, this was written in such a way that it was easy for me to grasp what was going on and you didn't mess around with minor details you didn't need. Another thing I liked about this chapter was the way you describe your characters' feelings. When we can really get into a character's thoughts, it gives them a whole new dimension and makes their development that much more effective. Without even having read the rest of the novel I can tell that your main character is someone who is extremely dedicated to what he does and to the one he serves. (and maybe even has feelings for) Nice job putting him into perspective in this chapter.

As far as criticism goes I do have a few. First, I notice that this chapter is written in pretty simple syntax with lots of short paragraphs. I guess that works, but I think that the narrative elements of this piece could be improved upon by maybe grouping some of those little paragraphs together and tying their events into one another. Not only would that make the story easier to follow, but it would read more like a series of events than a list of happenings that we are supposed to assume are somehow interconnected. Another thing I would suggest you do here is go back and revamp your syntax. By this, I mean that you should vary your sentence structure a bit more. I couldn't help but notice the amount of "buts" and "ands" to begin sentences and you also have a tendency to use adverbs at the beginning of action sentences rather than after the verbs they modify. I'm not a big Grammar-Nazi really, but I just think the sentences would flow a bit nicer if you went back and switched the adverb-verb order around. That's all I got right now.

This was a fun chapter to read and analyze and I hope you find this review helpful. :D

It was helpful, thank you!! About the short paragraphs, I've been suggested to actually use them as short as I can 'cause I do tend to make them massive and hard to read. There's a balance, I guess, I'll just have to find it.

Yeah, I have been noticing too that the whole text it's "pretty much the same" regarding structure. Any advises on that? Or should I just stop using the "buts" and "ands", or maybe just change them for something equally useful?..

Anyway, thanks a lot again. I hope you keep reading my work!! :3



Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.
— Albus Dumbledore