z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

A Certain Set Of Skills (Title Pending)

by Shady


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

I stopped just outside the door, my fingertips lightly resting on the rough wood, as I caught my breath and listened hard. There was no noise coming from the building anymore. They knew I was here. Of course they know you're here. I took a deep breath and slid my hand under my shirt, carefully grasping the handle to the large hunting knife I kept strapped to my back, before pushing the door open and stepping inside.

I heard the scrape of a blade against its sheath, and yanked mine out before I even saw where the noise came from, instinctively throwing it up in a guard in front of my throat. Half a moment later, a blade slammed against mine. I grabbed the forearm of the person, obviously a man due to all the hair, holding the knife, and shoved it away from my throat, whirling around so that I was standing behind him.

I thrust my blade at his back. He spun around in an instant, easily deflecting my knife with his, and made a pass at my abdomen with a second knife. I snapped my left arm, making my spare knife slide out of the small sheath I kept strapped to my wrist, and blocked his swipe. I brought my right arm around in a backwards slash at his neck. He threw his forearm into mine, making me stumble backward.

I quickly regained my balance, taking a step to the side so that he was between me and the wall. I threw my left forearm into his chest, making him stumble backward even though he was a full head taller than me, and pressed the tip of my bigger knife into his chest; my smaller blade between his legs, resting on the crotch of his pants. One of his blades was pressed against my throat; the other was wrapped through the crook of my left arm, the tip resting just below my rib cage, angled upwards. He had the better position.

Panting, I watched the man for a long moment. His face was hard, eyes cold and calculating, jaw covered in a scruffy beard, hair cut so short he was practically bald. My eyes flicked down to his body-- his black wife beater tank top, revealing strong, muscular arms, and baggy camo pants tucked inside a pair of combat boots. My gaze traveled back up to his intense brown eyes, as I wondered when he would speak.

"How did you get in here?" A voice behind me. I glanced over my shoulder. A small group of men were clustered around a table. Most of the men were on their feet, with some sort of gun trained on me-- many held pistols, several pointed assault rifles at me. One man was still sitting. He looked fairly old, at least in his fifties; his black hair was streaked with gray, weathered face wrinkled but still hard as he looked at me. I was pretty sure I knew who was in charge.

"I used the door." I watched the seated man's face carefully. His expression never changed, staying completely unreadable.

"I saw that much," he agreed, casually taking a sip from his cup. "But how'd you get past the security without setting off an alarm?"

"Very carefully." It would've been too much trouble to describe to him how I'd hacked into their security system and disabled it.

He snorted.

"Who are you?" The man with a knife to my throat asked, drawing my attention back to him.

I turned and grinned at him. "A friend."

"And why should we believe that?" The seated man was talking again.

I took a deep breath, hesitating a moment to gather my courage, before pulling my blades away from the man in front of me. The tip of my knife pressed against his chest very well could've been the only thing saving me. It was hard to say if he'd go ahead and slit my throat as soon as my blade left his chest. Hard to say if some of the men with guns would shooting me the instant I stepped away from their friend.

I took a step backward slowly, waiting to see if the man in front of me was going to lunge at me, before sliding my big knife back into the sheath on my back and turning toward the group of men behind me. "I wouldn't risk being here if I wasn't."

"Friends tend to announce themselves before they come barging into your home," the man with knives said pointedly. I glanced at him, and saw that he was tucking his bigger knife into a sheath tucked into the back of his belt as he spoke.

"I didn't figure knocking would be a very unique way announce myself," I strode toward the table, sliding my smaller knife into an empty sheath I had on my belt. My wrist holster was always a pain to load, once I'd taken the knife out, and I didn't want to make a fool of myself in front of men like this by struggling with a stupid sheath, after I'd just made such an impressive entrance. "And I wanted to get to your attention."

"Well, you've got it," the seated man said.

I glanced at the rest of the men. They were still pointing guns at me. I slowly gestured at them, being careful to be obvious that my hands were empty. "Is all this really necessary?"

"You wanted our attention," the man with the knives said gruffly, walking past me. "Deal with it."

I strode down the few steps that separated the levels of the floor, still walking toward the table. "Fine, then. Just hear me out before you start shooting is all I ask."

"We are," a big, black man with an AR-15 pointed at me growled.

"Can I sit?"

"No," the man with knives said, even as the already seated man gestured at the chair opposite him. I sat down with exaggerated elegance, giving the man with knives a snippy look, before looking back at the man sitting in front of me.

"So, what's your name... Friend?"

"Alina," I supplied my actual name, figuring they'd see through anything less than the truth. Besides, I had no reason to lie to these men about who I was. I really didn't mean them any harm; I just wanted to see if they could help me. "I take it you're in charge around here?"

"You could say that," he said, still looking at me suspiciously, before asking mockingly. "What do you want, Ali, dearest?"

"The talk around town is that you're here to kill Rufe Beltran... that right?"

"What's it to you?" The man with knives asked, glaring at me.

"I can help," I stated simply. "I know his habits, know his weaknesses."

There was a long moment's silence. I forced myself not to look away, as the seated man's hard green eyes drilled into me, making the silence seem like it stretched out for an eternity.

"I don't like it." The man with knives said, shaking his head, breaking the tense silence.

"Yeah..." The man sitting in front of me agreed slowly, never taking his eyes off me. "Why should we trust you, Princess? This smells like a trap."

"It's not a trap." I lifted a shoulder. "But I guess you're not really going to believe anything I say. I don't know what proof I can give you that I want that bastard dead, can't get the job done myself, and just want to help the gentlemen that I think can do it."

"Hm..."

I was silent a long moment, trying to think how I could establish a bit of trust with the men. "Look, I wouldn't be here if I weren't telling the truth. Rufe has a way of finding information out. If I didn't believe you'd have him dead in a few days, I wouldn't take the risk of him finding out I came to you. He'd kill me for sure."

"If you're lying to us, you're still dead." Knife-boy was talking again.

I grinned at him mischievously. "I'd expect nothing less."

"She's a crazy bitch," knife-boy muttered, disgustedly shaking his head.

"So why are you here?"

"I already told you, I want to help you get in. He's got a lot of men working for him, and the few people who have tried in the past to kill him have gotten killed barely inside the gates of his driveway."

"We're not exactly your average drunken anarchists," knife-boy snarked. "I think we've got it covered."

"Whatever," I shrugged again, looking back at the man seated in front of me. "You can guess at where he's going to be, when, and with how many guards-- or I can tell you his schedules, give you an estimate of the force you're up against, help you set up decoys, maybe even get you a card to get you past security, depending on how nice you are to me." I looked back at knife-boy with my final statement, giving him another snippy look.

"And who are you to know all that?" The seated man asked.

I hesitated. That was one part of this plan that I never could figure out a way to explain, when I was going over exactly what I would do to get into these men's stronghold and what I would say once I was inside. "That part's not my fault."

The men standing around me all shifted, tension growing in the room once more.

"Mhm," the seated man said slowly. "What's your full name, Sweetheart?"

"Now just hear me out," I was already backpedaling. He was on to my secret, it seemed. "You know he controls everything around here, including people."

"Your name?" Knife-boy insisted.

"Alina Beltran," I lifted my hands in front of my chest, anticipating, correctly, that the guns would instantly snap back in the air to point at my head. "But I--"

"I knew this was a fucking trap," knife-boy snarled, crossing the distance between us in a few steps and putting a knife to my throat. I didn't even try to defend myself. "Farley? Let me finish this bitch now."

"Go ahead," I tilted my head slightly to the side, exposing more of my neck. I did my best not to let my breathing get shaky, even as I felt my heart beating harder against my rib cage. "I don't care if you do."

"Hold on," the seated man, Farley, said, lifting a hand. I bit my lip, relieved that he was stopping my invitation-- hoping that he'd decide not to let knife-boy kill me at all.

"You can't honestly be considering listening to her story."

"I'll give her a minute," Farley looked down at his watch, before looking into my eyes. "You'd best get to talking, Sweetheart."

"What do you want to know?" I didn't waste any of that precious time he was granting me. Regardless of the act I put on for these men, I didn't have any desire to die. "I don't love my asshole husband-- never have and never will. He manipulated the local officials and made them legalize our marriage, regardless of the fact that I wasn't willing."

"Keep talking," Farley ordered gruffly. I hesitated, not wanting to bring the fact that I had a family to look after to their attention. Trying to protect my family is what got me in this mess to begin with. Farley looked at his watch. "Thirty-eight seconds."

It didn't seem like I had much choice.

"Rufe said he'd kill my family if I didn't marry him; and says that if I try to do anything to hurt him, he'll kill them anyway. I just want my family to be safe."

"Aw, so sweet," knife-boy said sarcastically.

"Your family? Kids?" Farley questioned.

"Parents and little siblings," I supplied, swallowing hard, making my Adam's apple bob against the blade pressed against my neck. The clock seemed to be ticking faster than usual, counting down the moments until I'd most likely die. "I swear to you that I don't give a shit about what happens to anyone but them."

"What a coincidence," knife-boy said gruffly. "We don't really give a shit about what happens to you."

"That's fine with me," I was struggling to keep my breathing even, as I looked at Farley earnestly. "Get my family out of danger-- put them in a safe house somewhere-- and I'll prove myself. Give me a gun and I'll go after Dufus myself."

Knife-boy snorted. Farley was looking at me with a strange expression. "You would, huh? Think you stand any chance of survival against all those men working for him? I thought most people died just inside the gates."

"Most people don't share his bed," I countered. "I've got a pretty good position on him."

"Then why haven't you taken advantage of it before?" Knife-boy demanded.

"I told you-- I fail, he kills my family, then me. I succeed, his goons kill me, then my family. It's kind of a lose-lose situation for me."

"And us killing him would be a better option?" Knife-boy asked.

"In theory, yeah," I answered, a beadlet of sweat finally growing large enough it rolled down my face. I swallowed hard again, my eyes flicking from Farley to the men with guns, then back. "I'm hoping so, anyway."

"Then why are you acting so nervous?" knife-boy questioned.

"You've got your blade pressed against my throat," I panted, trying to stay calm. "And I don't know when that minute's going to end."

"It ended twelve seconds ago," Farley finally spoke again. I let out a slow breath, looking at him cautiously, not stupid enough to believe that I was safe just because I'd managed to survive a quarter minute longer than he seemed to plan on me living. His hard green eyes were boring into me. "Let her go."

"You can't be--"

"I said," Farley repeated in a warning tone. "Let her go."

Knife-boy sighed, muttering under his breath, but pulled his blade away from my throat. He kept standing over me, close enough to slit my throat in a matter of seconds if Farley were to change his mind. I didn't mind. I swallowed hard yet again, rubbing my throat despite my pride trying to make me fold my hands in my lap.

"It's a trap," knife-boy insisted.

"Maybe," Farley agreed. "But if it's not, then I want the help she's offering."

"And if it is?"

"Then you get to deal with her however you wish," Farley looked from knife-boy, back to me. "You hear that? If you're double crossing us, I'll let him kill you however slowly he wants to."

I nearly shuddered at the thought of how knife-boy would choose to kill me. I knew of dozens of cuts that could be made on a body, avoiding arteries, that would keep your victim alive for quite a while, suffering-- I figured he knew even more than I did. "I'm not."

"Good," Farley crossed his arms. "Then come back tomorrow with those things you offered."

"I can give it to you now--"

"No," he interrupted. "You're coming back tomorrow."

I hesitated. I didn't know if I'd have an opportunity to slip away from my dear husband tomorrow. Some nights, like tonight, he left me alone to do as I pleased; most nights he planned out exactly what he wanted me to do for or to him. "I don't know if I can--"

"If you really want him dead as much as you say you do, you'll find a way to get here," Farley answered with a shrug. "If you don't show up, we'll just have to assume you're not telling us the truth."

"I'm telling the truth," I insisted, some of my courage coming back. I roughly wiped the sweat from my brow, glancing around at the team of contractors, before looking back at Farley. "I'll be here."

"Good."

I stood up slowly, my legs stiff and weak, still slightly unnerved as I turned back toward knife-boy. He was glaring at me, the large knife still in his hand. I squared my shoulders and started up the few steps, decidedly refusing to look back. I walked toward the door. Just as my fingertips brushed the cold doorknob, knife-boy spoke again. "Girl."

I turned. He snapped a picture of me on his cell phone, making even that simple gesture seem menacing. I knew why he wanted a picture. He needed a way to identify me if I didn't come back and he needed to hunt me down. He pulled his phone down to his side before passively threatening me. "See you soon."

I mockingly blew him a kiss, then walked out into the dark night outside. 


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Sun Sep 07, 2014 12:09 pm
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ArcticMonkey wrote a review...



Hi Shady! Here as requested~

Firstly, I'm so sorry with how late this review is, but I'm here now so I hope I can be of help. I'll start off with what I liked- I guess the mystery of it all is really interesting and cool to read, as in it makes me want to read on. I'm probably never not going to like a story with a strong female lead, so that's cool too. Also, generally it's quite well-written, when I was reading it nothing really stood out to me as not being read correctly, so well done!

Okay, so with the first bit with the fight with knife-boy, the way it's written will reveal more how the MC feels. What I mean by this, if you use shorter sentences, it will make it seem like she's really scared and tense, but when it's longer sentences it seems less tense. So, I imagine she'd be really scared, but it's not coming off like that to me, so you might wanna reread and think about how your MC feels at that moment.


I turned and grinned at him. "A friend."

"And why should we believe that?" The seated man was talking again.

I took a deep breath, hesitating a moment to gather my courage,

Here is an example of a slight inconsistency. The grin suggests that she feels quite confident, but then it later says that she's trying to gather her courage. Generally when reading this I was a bit confused as to how she felt, was she scared or not? Because at some points you made her seem really tense, but then at other points she was replying with witty, sarcastic comments, which would suggest otherwise. So I just think that needs to be made a little clearer.

Lastly, I thought the dialogue was quite good, however there was a point when there was just too much without it being broken up, so it became slightly boring to read- not completely because of how interesting your story is, but I think you just need to break up the dialogue a bit with more of the character's reactions so that we learn more about them, and so there is more variation.

Overall though, I thought this was mega-awesome. I really like this style and genre of mystery and adventure. I hope this review helped, feel free to ask me any questions or if you'd like another review on anything. I will try and get to the second part soon because I wanna read more!

Keep writing,
~ArcticMonkey x




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Deanie wrote a review...



Hi there Shady!

Happy review day!

This is going to be crazy short, but only because this was crazy good! Honestly, I couldn't find a single fault in this. I love the idea of a person on the inside trying to help this gang of people kill her husband who she doesn't love. You've given her the right motives and ones that make sense as well, which I have to admire you for doing. You started with action, and kept us wondering if Alina was going to die all through the chapter. You introduced us to characters in a way that gives us all the details but doesn't quite bore us with descriptions. I loved every moment of reading this. Honestly, it was basically perfection. I can't wait to read the next chapter! This is the best I have read of you yet.

I know you've edited it since some people have read it due to Timmy's review as well ;) But there is a part of his review I disagree with.

I grabbed the forearm of the person, obviously a man due to all the hair, holding the knife, and shoved it away from my throat, whirling around so that I was standing behind him.


The two first commas I immediately thought would've been better with em-dashes which is basically the opposite of what he said, I know xD But actually, the idea of brackets around it might work. And I believe it would work better than having the commas, because then it reads as an awkward sentence that doesn't quite match up.

One thing I am very curious to know is how a woman like her managed to learn to fight like that. Her husband doesn't sound like the nicest guy ever, and I doubt he would like her training herself to fight. He would probably see it as a threat. I bet she has secret lessons or something, but I wonder how she'd go about it.

I am really looking forward to getting to see Alina's home better, and getting to know Alina's husband some more. Brilliant first chapter. I better go and read some more of this great stuff ^^

Deanie x




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TakeThatYouFiend wrote a review...



Wow! When's the sequel?
Right I'm gonna go ahead with a little constructive criticism if I may.
The second paragraph had me re-reading a bit, particularly in the bit saying it was obviously a man due to all the hair. I had to re-read that before I got what it meant. Probably just me being stupid, but it don't seem necessary. The reader can tell your talking about a man by the personal pro-nouns, and the narrator can see him so she will know his gender. So that sentence seems a little unnecessary.
Which leads me to my second point: This is a biggie, a common occurrence and not difficult to correct. That is, until about a third of the way through, I was imagining a male narrator. You should include something gender specific near the beginning to clarify, because I had to re-think the whole battle.
Finally, you keep on using the phrase "Big Knife", and I think a more technical name would be appropriate. If your going for a sort of short sword come dagger, a Dirk would be appropriate. More likely however a machete, or perhaps a parang knife.
I loved the fight scene, having attempted them before I know it can be tricky. This was done brilliantly. The whole description was amazing, all in all, a splendiferous piece of work.
Yours in writing,
The Fiend.




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Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
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Noelle says...



Hi there!

This is great. Seriously, I absolutely loved reading it and I was really drawn into it, not wanting it to end. I have nothing else to say but this, so I guess I'll head over to the second part to check out more awesomeness, yeah?

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




Shady says...


Thank you! <3



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KingLucifer wrote a review...



Vyper man it's Avalon and I'm here for a review.

One of the things you should be careful with is opening with action as you did. I say you should be careful because it sets the the pace if you plan any future sequals. Which can lead the reader to expect more action which if it doesn't happen can make things seem boring and slow down the pacing in more story driven sections like later on in the story. Now with that said, I do like the characters you have here and I can see you making a sequel to this story. This is my positive criticism for this piece onto the negative.

My negative criticism is during the fight scenes which I agree with Timmyjake about, maybe her weakness is not immediately seen in this piece. But given her as Timmyjake puts it, superhero/model/Martial Arts Expert she might already know where she is lacking in her physical weaknesses and you could have mentioned it in a off-handed comment or have one of the baddies in the beginning capitalize on this weakness and exploit it. This is my negative criticism for this piece.

Now my question I would like you to answer in your next piece, if you do make a sequel that is: Why did the guys in the beginning use knives? you make it clear later in this work that the time period is sometime when guns are invented, so why use knives? that is the question I want you to answer.

This has been Avalon, and this has been your review.




Shady says...


Hey Avalon!

Thanks for the review! I definitely appreciate it. She does have weaknesses, which show up way more in the next chapter. The knives are more of a personal interest between Alina and knife-boy, which I also intend to explain a bit in the next bit of the story. So, yeah, thanks again. ^.^



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Tue Aug 26, 2014 1:25 pm
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TimmyJake wrote a review...



Timmy here!

So this was a very exciting beginning to something that will go on and become bigger, right? A story perhaps? Erm, wait. This is already a story. I mean a book. Are you planning on making this much huger at all? Because it has that potential, I think. The story is very fun to read, and your style with this character really builds an exciting story. ^.^

This time, since its length, I think I shall review as I go through, rather than talking a lot before I dig into the piece. :)

I grabbed the forearm of the person-- the man, it was a big, hairy forearm--


This Em-dash seemed out of place to me, and the formatting of it was a little messed up. So I will just go through them one at a time. :D

It seemed out of place because it seemed like you were merely copying yourself with the: the person--the man and it seemed a bit vague, and then you repeated forearm, and I thought it just didn't fit. So perhaps this: I grabbed the forearm of the person (obviously a man due to all the hair) or something similar. Your story. I just give suggestions.

As for the second point, it's not really a point as much as merely a tip for formatting. Em-dashes are my life. When I write a story, I usually have to go through and delete more than half of them, I have so many. But sometimes the formatting can get messed up. If you're using Microsoft word, then this is what you do: the word(no space)--(no space)next word, and they all tie in together lovely, and the Em-dash comes out as one long dash, rather than two short one's.

, jaw covered in a scruffy beard, hair cut shorter than even his beard.


You say that his hair was cut even shorter than his beard, but you don't actually tell us if his hair was cut short or not. It's very vague how long his hair is. Perhaps tell us more about the length, or just tell us his hair was short?

several were pointing assault rifles


were pointing=passive voice=bleh. Try to stick to active voice. So: pointed

It was hard to say if he'd go ahead and slit my throat as soon as the danger was gone to him.


I didn't really like the wordage of this sentence, and it was kind of confusing. Especially the last bit. What if you merely stated that perhaps he would slit her throat as soon as her knives left his chest or something? That might be a little more straight forward and easy for us simpletons to understand.

I stood up slowly, stiffly, on weak legs, still slightly unnerved, and turned back toward


This, to me, just in my opinion, and because it seemed a little bit too much, has a comma overload. Just like my sentence. :P And every comma fits in there, and the sentence doesn' seem incorrect or anything. It is just awkward to read. Maybe work with it to eliminate one or two of them?

He snapped a picture of me on his cell phone; making even that simple gesture seem menacing.


I think a comma would be more appropriate than a semi-colon there?

"See you soon."


Now who said that? There was a variety of actions by both of their characters, so it was difficult to tell who was the actual speaker there.

You know what my biggest problem with this work was? It wasn't really a problem, but more out of place and almost like it was placed at certain places on a whim. f-bombs. Yup. I have never seen them before in your writing, and they seemed out of place like a sore thumb. I get it for him to say one, the rough kid who thinks he's bad-ass (and, apparently is so), but it didn't make sense for her, because she hadn't used language really up to that point and it just seemed spontaneous and for no reason. And I am not saying that simply because I think harsh language is mostly a filler to avoid character development and full characters...

Now I am done reading it, and gave you my two cents on what I thought about all my nitpicks and blah, blah, blah, etc.... on until the end of time, I can tell you what I did like about it, which could go on for pages if I allowed it to.

I admit when I started this, I wasn't sure about the plot and whatnot. But it really developed as we went along, and the character's were nicely done. I especially liked the dude sitting down for some reason. I have no idea why, though. But the entire scene seemed really mysterious, kinda spooky in a lot of ways, especially all the guns being pointed at her the whole time. Kinda scary on her part! :P But she did handle it quite well, and her deal with them really showed her true nature... I think. I don't know if even if I hated someone that bad, if they were married to me, would I tell someone to kill them? I guess if I never loved her, and the person was truly terrible, but still... It just shows her personality truly well, I think. ^.^

As for the entire thing with her being bad-ass, if this continues, just make sure you give her some weaknesses. And I don't mean other people being attached to her. Not at all. Those are an extra. But make sure she has plenty of physical weaknesses, and isn't your typical superhero/model/martial arts expert. Give her some form of weakness, something the reader can relate to, and we will love your forever for it. More realistic, and brings us in closer to your character.

Great work, Shady! Keep it up. 8)
~Darth Timmyjake




Shady says...


Thank you, Timmy <3

Your review helped a lot. I already made quite a few edits. ^-^ On a second thought on my part, I totally agree with what you said about her f-bomb, and eliminated it, as well as one of knife-boy's. ;)




I don't care what the miserable excuse is for showing the death of books, live, on screen. Men, I could understand; but books! -
— Edwin Morgan, From the Video Box 2