Hi. Happy Review Day! Wow, I thought this was pretty fantastic. You're writing is quite lovely. Your imagery is fantastic. I could really feel this story. I didn't realize it was about Nazi Germany at first, but once I realized it I found it very powerful. Here's a few nitpicks:
"...the flicker from the blaze reflected off his dark eyes that looked like they had only ever known hate and anger."
I'm not sure why, but this read weird to me. I think maybe it's the use of the word "that" in "that looked like..." I think maybe the word "which" would be better, or just including that last bit in a separate sentence.
"the blood curling screams"
I think you mean blood curdling.
There were also several instances where you used passive voice where I think it would be stronger to use active voice. Especially for a subject like this. You also missed several commas. For instance "I briefly glanced over to my best friend Thomas and strained to see.." should be "my best friend, Thomas, and strained..." That was the biggest thing I noticed as far as grammar.
I think this is a fascinating part of history, and I love that you wrote about the experience of a citizen. People don't always think about what it was like as an ordinary citizen in Nazi Germany, and I find it very interesting. I don't have a lot to critique on this story. I think reading through it out loud would help you catch most of the little errors and bits that just sound a bit funny, but really there weren't many of those. I loved this.
Good work and happy writing!
-Masq
Points: 9485
Reviews: 81
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