Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Script » Theatre

12+ Language

The House of Dracula Act 1 Scene 3

by Romania

(Scene a tavern in Romania. As narration begins, Van Hellsing enters to sit and have a drink or ten.)

Narrator: You know the vampire slayer in Bram Stokers book? Professor Abraham Van Hellsing? Well you should know that the gentleman walking on stage about to get shitfaced drunk is the great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandson of said vampire slayer. Here’s is his tragic backstory:

(Actors act as story is told)

Bram Stoker was traveling and researching about vampires in Europe thinking they were nothing but myth. When taking a train on the Continent for a theater convention, he met a man named Armin Vambery, from Hungary, who was an expert on the area of southeast Europe. He was telling Bram about how villagers near a castle on the cliffside had become afraid of Dracula and begged him to get the attentions of authorities to help the people. However, due to a partially deaf translator in their carriage, Bram took the warning as a story in which he decided to write about and take credit in book royalties. (Bram makes it rain then sits at the bar and drinks) Bram had no idea that all of his characters at one point are or were once alive and that Abraham Van Hellsing was actually killed in battle by Dracula’s hand. This unfortunate mistake leads to the Van Hellsing heirs to be consumed with a hatred for vampires, the most current being Lincoln Hellsing VII but everyone calls him Linny.

Lincoln: (Taking big gulp and slamming beer down) God dammit I hate vampires so much.

(Another man enters.)

Narrator: Oh and this is Philip, Lincoln’s bff.

Philip: Oi! Linny! I gots a tale to tell ya.

Lincoln: What is it this time? You get beat up by the priest again for stealing wine?

Philip: Nah, listen mate. I swears I saw ‘im. I was sit’ in on me car and f’ere ‘e was! I saw Dracula escape ‘is castle f’is mornin’! ‘ad a pack wif ‘im and everyf’ing.

Lincoln: Are you serious!? You saw Dracula?

Philip: I couldn't see 'is face, 'e was wearin' a 'ood. Know at I mean? Probably ter ‘ide from da sun innit? ‘e was also covered in dirt…

Lincoln: If it was Dracula then yes. Did my vampire scanner go off?

Philip: Blimey! Dat contrapshun sung like a bird! Scared me ter dearf i’did!

Lincoln: Then it’s our time to move. We follow that beast and slay all whom have given him blood. I will slay Dracula and stop what my Father and my fathers before him couldn’t do! We also can’t have another Twilight craze in this world.

Philip: Aye, ‘at would bloody awful. I’ll ‘ave some Ale first okay?

Bram: (turns to Philip) Its on me lad. (Gives drink)

Philip: Awight! Vank you very much guv. (Tips his hat)

Lincoln: This is no time for drinking! (Swipes drink away) We need to be on our toes. (Sips)

Philip: Oi! I ain’ yaaarh kid! (Pouts and crosses arms)

Lincoln: (Ignoring and checks phone) There are multiple cases of anemia heading to England. By God he’s striking quickly and he might be headed Whitby. That bastard!

Philip: Lawd above! Well I ‘ope dis doesn’t end up like the time he gone up ‘ere. Don’ wan’ yew dyin’ on me. (Lincoln glares) …I’ll shut up.

Lincoln: Lets just get on then. Do you have all the supplies?

Philip: Yes, I got da wooden stakes, silver crucifixes, UV flashlights, garlic, an' salt, sir! (Salutes)

Lincoln: You forgot the holy water dummy!

Philip: ‘ell I fought we could fetch some in France, at dat Notre Dame place as a souvenir. (Smiles)

Lincoln: You idiot! (Smacks) What if we meet vampires before that?

Philip: Ow! Geeazh I’m sorry! (Rubs head)

(They gather their satchels and leave. Lincoln quickly hurries back and takes drink with him, then leaves stage.)

(Chorus walk up stage.)

Chorus: (in harmony)

Meanwhile at Dracula’s domain!

On his Tempurpedic, he wakes from a nightmare of wolfs bane.

With suspicion, he checks if Claudius is well,

Suddenly silence in the castle is stopped with a howl from hell.

His precious Grandson is gone amiss.

Filled with rage, he swears an oath to bring deaths kiss,

Should harm come his Grandson.

Upon the midday sun he forces himself undone.

With directions from a poorly drawn map,

Hoping his Grandson has not fallen in an enemy trap.

(Rap solo by chorus Guy #1)

Swiftly he fly knowing his enemies are on the chase.

And which party shall provide the Coup de Grace!?

My dough is on Dracula,

Da best fellah!

(Rap solo by Chorus Guy #2)

Fool! Whatch’u talking about?

I’m giving Hellsing the shout!

He’s mankind’s only chance!

I say no more to this Vampire romance!

(Chorus #1)

Saving Mankind is so yesterday.

This play is about the value of Famil-eh!

Humans are the real monsters!

Only vampires have real power!


Power isn’t everything.

Nothing is better then the human being.

You should be singing my song,

But I guess your mom raised you wrong.

(Whole chorus)


(Chorus #1 all up in his face)

What you say about my mom?

(Chorus #2 all up in his face)

I said yo ma’ma raised you wrong.

(Chorus #1 tears up)

That’s not true! My ma’ma raised me just fine!

(Chorus brakes out in frenzy)

(Curtains rise behind the fight to the scene of a small, totally crappy, London apartment. Ludwig and Claudius walk on stage.)


(Chorus all scream and run away from the scene)

Ludwig: Dats the third time dis month…(shakes head) Velcomen to mien home. (Guiding Claudius)

(Claudius in awe)

Claudius: Holy black bat...(Strokes lamp) So much electricity. (Strokes TV) So much innovation. (Strokes toilet) So advanced. (Cuddling toaster) You have the most beautiful house in the world.

Ludwig: Ja, must suck living in a outdated castle…

Claudius: I wouldn’t know any better. I guess it does suck…too many playrooms to choose from, the kitchen has only hundreds of different kinds of blood recipes and the treasure room is too cramped with all these jewels and gold to really take a bath in properly.

Ludwig: Oh poor you. (with sarcasm)

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
85 Reviews

Points: 654
Reviews: 85

Sat Sep 27, 2014 7:09 pm
RavenLord says...

OH MY GOD that rocked!!!!!!!!!! Have you made an Act 4 yet???? I want to read it!!!!!!!! God, that was awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please make an Act 4!!

User avatar
240 Reviews

Points: 279
Reviews: 240

Sun Aug 31, 2014 11:59 pm
AdmiralKat wrote a review...

Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Happy Review Day! Let's see what we have here.

When you have people doing something, first piece of advise is to italicize it. That will really the people who are acting it out or reading it to know what to do. Usually when they are told to do something in a certain way(like your last sentence) they put it after the name of the character. For example: Ludwig:(with sarcasm) Oh poor you. When someone reads this, they don't have to memorize where they have to do that, they can just read it at the beginning.

Oh my gosh! I love Dracula! Dracula is the best thing that has happened since Mark Twain(cause that makes sense XD I know the dates are messed up). You should definitely include the vampires(especially the woman ones) drinking baby's blood because that was the one scary part where my 7th grade teacher was dying on the inside. I'm such a cruel person... Anyways, your grammar and spelling is amazing! I think that your plot is really good. I can't wait to read the next one. When I saw this in the green room I was like, wow, why is this still there? This is amazing! You made a masterpiece! The tone of voice that you use for the characters is superb! Overall, great job! I really enjoyed this piece! Have a nice review day! Keep calm and keep writing!

User avatar
46 Reviews

Points: 467
Reviews: 46

Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:47 pm
Astronaut says...

Hiya. Me again.

Not much critique about this one. I like the characterization of the chorus, especially.

My only problem is Phillip. He's a great character and all, but can you please not write in his accent? It's unnecessary and makes the play hard to read.

Apart from that, I loved it! Great job!

Romania says...

I have to write the accent because i did so for ludwig~ i think everyone should learn cockney

Cockney's great and all, but if you say that he has a cockney accent, the reader/actor will get it.

Romania says...

I'm just evil like to make people work at it

User avatar
8 Reviews

Points: 266
Reviews: 8

Thu Aug 14, 2014 8:04 pm
ozzie281 wrote a review...

I love this so much. I love how you the chrous rapped. It was so funny. I also enjoyed meeting Hellsing in this part of the play. I was hoping he was gonna show up soon. I always love hearing about vampire hunters and van hellsing in your story is no diffrent. I also love his sidekick. He is not that smart but he makes up for it in humour. He will be a crowd pleasure. Thats for sure. I love this story. Please do keep writing it.

To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.
— Proverbs 18:13