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A Song Named Alice Chapter 7

by AliceWonderland

Raven steps in front of Loki and Alice, his left arm extending to block them from getting involved in the impending clash. He readies himself for the Mad Hatter and the twins to make their move, knowing better to not make the first strike himself. As his fighting stance, he smirks while holding his hands in his pockets.

The Mad Hatter taps the twins’ shoulders again. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum run for Loki with knives in their hands. However, at a few steps away from Raven, they halt, simultaneously looking at the ground, and blanch. Tweedle Dee freezes his eyes at his feet while Tweedle Dum peers his eyes up to Raven.

Short knives protrude from the ground at Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum’s feet, inches from their toes. Raven’s hands stick out from his pockets, at his hips. Loki and Alice take a step back, their faces nearly blanched as well. Loki watches the twins’ fingers begin to tremble until they turn to the Mad Hatter.

“Edwin,” Raven shouts, “The Hatter won’t hesitate to get his hands dirty. I want you to take Alice and run.” His voice changes to a whisper. Alice and Loki perk their ears to hear him. “Find our other two buddies, and have them help you to get somewhere safe. Don’t give them your watch either, you’ll find out why soon enough.” Raven’s voice turn back to a yell. “I’ll take care of these three and catch up with you later. Now go!”

Loki grabs Alice’s hand, yanking her back. She begins to stir her legs to run, back Loki stutters to get moving to the point that his fingers almost slip off her hand. Before Raven’s out of earshot, Loki calls, “You better be fine when we see you again!”

“Will do,” Raven chimes under his breath. “So there’s no need to worry.” He cracks his fingers and the smirk falls from his face. “But first, I need to take out the trash.”

The twins’ cute façade changes to a frown. They squint their eyes while biting their lower lip. When they release their teeth, they run at Raven. Tweedle Dum makes the first strike. He throws his leg at Raven’s. Nearly at the same time, Tweedle Dee throws his at Raven’s other. Raven glides back while pushing the twins away. They miss his hand and use theirs to pull Raven forward. Raven loses his footing and Tweedle Dee elbows Raven in the middle of his back while Tweedle Dum punches Raven in his side.

Raven falls the ground, clutching his side. His legs stumble as he rises, but the twins attack again. This time, Raven pushes Tweedle Dee away while he grabs Tweedle Dum by the collar of his shirt. Tweedle Dum struggles to get loose, but it is to no avail. As Tweedle Dee tries to snatch his brother free, Raven throws Tweedle Dum at him. They both fall onto the ground in a painful crash.

Raven cracks his knuckles. “Looks like I underestimated you two. You’re better than I thought. However, there’s no way that you’ll beat me.” He faces to the Mad Hatter, his eyes filled with disgust. “And you! Why do you let them fight like this, they’re ten years old. They’re kids.” He casts his head away, unable to stand looking at the Mad Hatter. “Besides, it would be much more interesting to have you fight me.”

The Mad Hatter shakes his head. “I don’t doubt you can say that,” He stiffly points at Raven while thrashing his tongue. “But you wouldn’t understand! I would take them out of Wonderland if I could, but I can’t. No one can. And you’re a fool to think you can take on Wonderland! So mark my words, for interfering with my plan, for getting Dee and Dum involved, and for threatening Wonderland, you will pay. Your worst nightmare will soon find you, and you’ll fight him alone, just like last time!”

“Shut up!” Raven stomps his foot on the ground. He picks up the twins and throws them back down.

They sloppily stand back up. Their lips tremble, but they also notice that Raven’s arms are shaking too. Tweedle Dee nods to his brother, whispering, “We can use this to our advantage.” Tweedle Dum nods back.

Their fight starts again. However, within moments the twins are forced on the defensive. They’re doing all they can to just block his attacks. Raven’s using his anger and fear against them.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum try to force their positions to change. Their Legs intertwine with Raven’s, which causes them to knock themselves down. Their arms lock a few times. So close that Raven can see the glare in their eyes that motivates them.

Then Tweedle Dum is knocked back, hurtling toward the ground. Luckily, just before his head hits the ground, the Mad Hatter runs up and catches him with one arm; though the hit is enough to keep Tweedle Dum down. His arms are bloody, and cuts from all the attacks reach way past his elbows to the edges of his newly torn short-sleeve shirt. His injuries aren’t too severe, but the stinging is another matter; rocks, pebbles, and dirt dot all around his wounds.

Tweedle Dee yells out to his brother as he watches him fly back. The distraction provides another opportunity. As soon as Tweedle Dee’s cry leaves his lips, he is hit hard from behind. Once again, the Mad Hatter catches Tweedle Dee as he clatters into the pavement.

The Mad Hatter retreats to a park bench a few feet away, setting the boys down to let them recover their strength. Tweedle Dee denies staying behind to wait while the Mad Hatter fights the battle. He wants to help him defeat Raven and make him pay for hurting his brother.

As much as he would have liked to, the Mad Hatter could not refuse Tweedle Dee’s request, hoping that this would keep Tweedle Dum out of the fight. Before he stands up to retaliate against Raven, the Mad Hatter checks around him, to see if someone is watching. There isn’t. So he voices his agreement to let Tweedle Dee stay in the fight on the condition that he would wait until the he finds the opportune moment.

The Mad Hatter casually strides up to Raven, smiling with a taste for revenge. “Let’s do this like we used to. Nothing too fancy; no weapons or blades, strictly hand-to-hand.”

“Only if you follow these rules yourself, you lousy cheater. The instant you don’t I’m bringing them back out, no exceptions.” Raven scoffs.

The Mad Hatter circles around Raven. “Fine, fine, but there’s no need to since I’ll be packing away your sorry hide soon!” The Mad Hatter leaps at Raven with his extended leg pointed at his face, but he is blocked by Raven’s crossed arms.

Raven throws the Mad Hatter back, then he drives him back again the second his feet touch the ground, causing him to stumble for a fraction of a second. However, the Mad Hatter regains his balance quickly and comes back at Raven with a wild punch that’s blocked, but he lands a furious kick at his knee right afterward. The force of the kick pierces through Raven’s leg and torso like lightning, making him gasp out for a moment.

Raven swipes at the Mad Hatter’s shoulder, which he returns with an arm block at the neck. Raven falls low to the ground, but uses it to his advantage by grabbing the Mad Hatter’s ankle. Then, with a swoop of a leg and a pull of his strength Raven tries to flip the Mad Hatter.

Unfortunately, he expects that so he brings his leg up and causes Raven’s leg to move from where his balance rests, causing Raven’s arms and hands to be thrown outward. At the collapse of Raven’s position, the Mad Hatter kicks Raven in the stomach and he rolls back on the ground, groaning. The Mad Hatter reaches into his pockets and brings out two small knives. As Raven gets up, clutching his stomach in pain, the knives are thrown at his shoulders. The force of the knives that catch only onto Raven’s shirt throws him back onto the ground, but he quickly wobbles to a crouch.

Raven then brings out a small wooden staff from inside of his jacket and throws it at the Mad Hatter. The sturdy staff hits him hard, sending him stumbling even farther back than his own kick to Raven. The staff clatters to the ground, as does the Mad Hatter from the extensive amount of damage he takes from the blow. Raven sets his mind and readies himself for one final move. Aiming for Tweedle Dee, Raven musters up all his strength in his right arm and charges.

Tweedle Dee prepares himself to block, knowing he won’t have time to attack or enough strength to counter Raven. However, the Mad Hatter jumps to his feet and runs to get to Tweedle Dee first. Desperation whiting his face, he yells to him. “Dee!”

Reaching Tweedle Dee in time, the Mad Hatter protects him with his own body as best he can by crossing his arms to absorb the blow. Raven strikes with as much force as he could at the Mad Hatter’s arms the moment later, his punch digging into the skin and finding bone.

The Mad Hatter’s hat flies away while Dee closes his eyes tightly. The force of impact from Raven’s punch and the position of the Mad Hatter’s block causes the Mad Hatter to fly backward past Tweedle Dee. However, the way his feet are positioned before impact allows him to miss hitting Dee as well.

He lands hard near Tweedle Dum. He hits a lamp post while in mid-air and he’s winded instantly as he connects with the post and gags. Sliding to the ground, he starts to cough and gasp simultaneously. The pain from everywhere inside of him, especially his lungs, is excruciating. When his bouts of coughing and heaving calm down, he breathes heavily, clutching his chest with one arm, using the last of his strength to stay conscious. His eyes grow dim and blurry, his hearing becomes patchy, and barely keeps himself from falling over.

Tweedle Dum, although he’s injured and moves slowly, is the first one to reach the Mad Hatter. When he gets there the Mad Hatter’s condition appears to be getting better, although truthfully, it’s only getting worse. Tweedle Dee gradually gets to his feet after shock leaves his legs and moves toward the Mad Hatter, grabbing his hat along the way to return to him. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum worry sick about his condition, speaking together in their fear-filled voices, unable to get many words out. They leave their sentences unfinished, “Hatter, Hatter! Are you…? Can you…? Hatter!”

Raven turns around, leaving the Mad Hatter in care of the two boys. He runs away quickly to make sure he doesn’t encounter anyone else from Wonderland, especially the Knave. The Knave of Hearts is one of the most ruthless members in either Asgard or Wonderland that he knows, though he’s only seen him once. Raven knows that he would never win a fight against the Knave in his current position. On his own, Raven would be at a disadvantage against him, likely to lose the fight even before it begins.

A/N: I might be discontinuing this series on here since it doesn't seem that anyone is really reading it. If anyone doesn't want to have that happen, please say so. Otherwise, I'm moving on. There doesn't seem to be much interest in this kind of story, three at best. So, this is the only warning I'll do before I give up on this story.

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401 Reviews

Points: 1658
Reviews: 401

Sun Aug 31, 2014 6:35 pm
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ThereseCricket wrote a review...

Hi! Cricket here for a review!

Well I remembered reviewing some of this story, or at least reading a bunch of it, so I figured I'd review.

My first general impression of this was that the Mad Hatter seems very crazy. As a fan of Alice and Wonderland, I appreciate how you represented the Mad Hatter, and all his madness. Sometimes though I would feel a bit lost, but I think I know where the problem lies.

Sometimes in order to relate more to what is going on, we need a clear picture. And we get that through description, thought process, and dialogue, right? With this I think you need to work a bit on show don't tell. That is a common phrase that writers use, so it may sound a bit old, but it's perfectly true. Sometimes the reader might feel a bit lost if they don't have a very clear picture of what everything looks like. Try and show what the character is doing, instead of just saying they did it. One thing that could help with that, is bringing in the Five Senses into your writing. For instance, you can describe the sound of something in the backround to add more to the main picture. You can also add in some reaction vs action.

I call it that, but it's really mixing in the Five senses into your action. If somebody moves, then there should be a reaction to the action. Something brushes against their leg, or they feel something in their body. Just something that will spice it up and make the action feel authentic. Try to have your action authentic and realistic and keep it spiced up with the five senses and reaction to the actual action. Make sense? If not, then tell me and I'll reword it a bit for you.

She begins to stir her legs to run

Although the line is perfectly legit, I still had to think about what it meant for a minute, even though it made perfect sense in the end. I'd suggest rewording it a bit, to make a bit more sense. Maybe change around "stir" to something else, that flows smoother?

He cracks his fingers and the smirk falls from his face.

Here's an example where you can put in one of the five senses. SOUND. Describe the sound of him cracking his fingers, rather than just telling us that he did.

Their Legs

No caps on "legs".

All throughout, I enjoyed the playfulness of the entire piece and I hope you keep this up. I wouldn't be worried too much about not receiving as many reviews on this. I'd suggest making a bunch of friends on here, and reviewing their pieces. Also, it wouldn't be a bad idea to maybe request some reviews in the forums. With some work and a bit of fun, you'll have this whipped into perfect shape! I'd just say to work a bit more on making the story line clear and the show don't tell thingy. xD Don't be concerned about the not as many reviews on this. It is true, that there hasn't been as many reviews on this particular series of late, but there hasn't bee that much reviewing going on of late as well. Just bear that in mind, and don't let as many reviews stop you from writing this amazing novel! But of course it's up to you, whether or not you want to continue it. Keep up the amazing work! :D

Keep writing!


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240 Reviews

Points: 279
Reviews: 240

Sat Aug 16, 2014 2:55 pm
AdmiralKat wrote a review...

Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here!

I'm kind off confused on what's happening here, that's why this may have not gotten as many reviews as it should. What many people like in a work is the ablity to jump in and know what's happening in the story because when I hopped in this, I had no idea what was happening. I could get the idea that there is a fight going on but why? Also a tip of advice, try to make A LOT of friends on here so that you can get them to review your stuff. XD I'm also not feeling the Alice in Wonderland feeling. I need to see that feeling(you know from the bottles that make you change sizes to swimming in your lake of tears). That small element would make this piece 10000 times better because who doesn't love Alice in Wonderland and its randomness?

I am very impressed with your details in the fight and your imagery is pretty good(though any piece could use more imagery). All the references that you make from Alice in Wonderland are awesome because I can really relate to this piece. Your grammar and spelling is flawless great job with that! :D Your paragraphs are neither too big or too small, so you are good on organization. Marvelous job with this, I really had some nice feelings in here. Have a nice Review Week! Keep calm and keep writing! :D

The most important service rendered by the press and the magazines is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.
— Samuel Butler