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Tetris: The Movie (Directed by Michael Bay)

by Willard


I have fun writing these things, since I switch my writing styles and stuff. I did more research on this than I should have.

The year: 2199

We're all pieces in a puzzle, my therapist would say. Many would disagree with this statement, but sometimes you have to agree. I have to agree with him, though he's pretty much a cuckoo. Why do I have to do that?

Because I AM a puzzle piece

1% of the population is a Tetrite, an actual piece to the puzzle. We are originally from the planet Solvia, home of the Commodore. The Commodore is why we were all born. We were made for one living purpose.

Tetris.

As a boy, we were forced in hard labor to always fit in, to help out others. If you didn't fit in, you weren't liked. For some reason, I just did. They consider me a "rare" talent. Possibly because I am a vertical piece.

See, these people ca-

"Stop it right there!" A voice yells behind me. A man wearing a black wind breaker and brown hair runs up. He is tall, but with a slight hunch. Crows feet are on his eyes.

"We can't afford this on our budget! You are taking space from the tank fight, the airplane fight over the desert, Dinobots, and the destruction of New York City!" He screams in my ear. I push him off, but he gets closer. Close to the fact that his breath is tickling my ear hairs.

"But, you need to stick to the original story to make a good story." I reply.

"No! Look, you are making Earth antagonists. What I'm going to do is rewrite the script. Have you guys randomly appear, have extreme fights with no plot, and the villains homegrown terrorists." The guy continues his argument.

"You can't do tha-"

"Yes I can! I am Michael Bay! How dare you disobey me!" Michael cuts me off. A stick of dynamite explodes right behind him, but he is unaffected. Mike skips away, and comes back with an awkward guy with glasses.

"Rewrite the script," He tells the man, "and make it distant from the original story for explosion purposes. Direct it, too!"

"Look, I'm leaving. You can't take my story. Go ruin something else." I tell them. The man with glasses backs off, but Michael smirks.

"Liebesman can find a better story, anyways. Make Mangobum or whatever his name is right it." Mike directs him. Liebesman disappears, comes back with a guy with nice hair, and they present it to Bay. Bay glances at a page for a second, then throws a fist in the air.

"Yes! I am going to produce this!" Michael screams. He exits off, and comes back with a megaphone. He collapses to his knees, crying, then comes back off. Takes a deep breath, and puts his mouth up to the mike.

 "Casting call! Casting call! We need a cast!" All of a sudden, 100 scripts appear in his hand. He starts jumping around and hands me one. In black letters, the script said:

                                         Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles CASTING CALL


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Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:49 am
birk wrote a review...



Hey Mandrake!

Alright, time for another one of your wacky short stories where you write crazy, weird stuff which I swear is only written to make me spill coffee on my keyboard. Through nose.

Overall, this is quite a funny little short. It's written with a lot of clear goals in mind. Taking the weird and stupid characteristics of a certain person and exaggerating them. In this case, obviously, Michael Bay. Who you have already successfully poked fun at in the past. ;)

I like it better here though. You upped the ante and he appears almost like a Looney Tunes character here, as he's yelling at people and demanding things. Heck, at one point he is even shouting through a megaphone. Man, do I love that.

However, I'm not sure I'm understanding the framing around this though. As I read through this, I felt as if we started off in one setting but then we were suddenly in another one. I've actually felt this before in one of your stories, where it reads as a narrator is narrating a story, and then suddenly he is pulled out of that and he is a character in this other story.

Here, you start off the story with Tetris.

The year: 2199

Actually, I'm first going to assume that this is in the whole 'Tetris universe' part of the story, as Michael Bay would thankfully be dead at this point. Although I'm sure he'd have technology to keep him alive. Or cloning, like in 'The Boys from Brazil'! (Where they clone Hitler, very similar to Bay)

Anyhow, we start off with Tetris. I quite like this part. It has a lot of good Tetris puns that I enjoy, and some humorous mentions of a therapist.

Because I AM a puzzle piece

I particulary enjoyed this line.

See, these people ca-

At one point though, we are suddenly abrupted from this story as Michael Bay seemingly just walks in and ends it.

"But, you need to stick to the original story to make a good story." I reply.

I can only assume that the whole opening was the writer of the story? And he was...acting it out? I guess?

What I'm going to do is rewrite the script. Have you guys randomly appear, have extreme fights with no plot,
However, Bay says this at some point thought. 'Have you guys randomly appear'.

Is... is the writer an actual Tetris piece? That has... somehow written a screenplay for Michael Bay?

Alright, aside from this confusion about the story itself, I really love it. After this part, you continue doing some funny jabs at Bay throughout the rest of it.

"Yes! I am going to produce this!" Michael screams.

This is probably my favorite part in the entire piece.

And lastly, the TMNT reference is golden.

There's really not much else to bring up. It's a pretty short work. It's a bit confusing at times, which a lot of your works are, and there's aren't any particular grammatical errors I could bring up. Your grammar has improved big time. I can only assume all those reviews have done you good. ;)

Keep it up, Mandrake.



Cheers
Birkhoff




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Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:48 am
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Lumi wrote a review...



Strangel0rv. ♥ Let's jam.

I freaking love meta comedy. You don't even know. xD

The opening is definitely the weakest part of this, but I have to hand it to you that as soon as you hit your punchline on

Tetris.


you had me hooked. That said, you can definitely layer another joke hook into the first two paragraphs. Anyway, the intro basically comes to be in that deep-voice style a la Optimus Prime or Morgan Freeman with his sweet molasses.

You do push the comedy to an awkward point when Michael Bay keeps shouting: "How dare you disobey me!" Keep in mind that, unlike evidence in Michael Bay movies, less is more. The dynamite is dynamite.

Everything together is just silly and curt. I appreciate the comedy because good god so many YWSers avoid comedy and it's refreshing.

Work on your pacing and be more aware of how far you push dialogue, and I think you'll find your jokes much stronger. You're on a great track, though.

Ty




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Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:25 am
AdmiralKat wrote a review...



Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Oh and happy review day! Let's see what we got!

There's just one thing that's just blaring at me! The format. I feel like this needs to be a script. It just looks like one! It just seems like it could be one. Tell me what you think of that. A short story, just doesn't seem to fit here. Another suggestion, maybe underline the new script title.

Now for the good things, your story is quiet original! I love how this is almost 200 years into the future, at that point we have probably ran out of ideas for movies and we are stuck with making crappy things like this. XD The end should have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Return (#1298) This could show how much they repeat their movies. Like with Superman and such. People just don't have original ideas. You could write a whole script in which they have a movie about Tetris but wait there's more! Tetris meets Jenga! The climax! The horror! XD You grammar and spelling is great. Your idea is superb. Your organization is good. The research. Well, I know a lot more about Tetris, than I did ten minutes ago. Love the idea, it's really funny. I bet you could get some famous youtuber to make this. XD Anyways, keep writing. Keep calm and keep up the great work!

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Sat Jul 26, 2014 4:59 pm
ahollander wrote a review...



Well this was pleasantly surprising... I'm laughing so hard I can barely breath. Oh goodness, where do i even start? Well from what I can tell there are no grammar or spelling mistakes, so congrats. Really, really funny though. Keep up the good work :)





I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
— Dr. Seuss