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Life As A Criminal Book 2 Prolouge

by puppys3117

Savvy dug deeper. Dirt and gravel splattered into her rusty hair.

"There we go," Savannah Tomas said to herself, "Now escape will be much easier." She climbed back up the cavern and started making more holes everywhere in her cell. All of a sudden she heard large footsteps tromping down the halls.

Oh gosh dang it... she thought while covering up her holes.

"Hamilton!," a large police man shouted to her, "It's time for your labor."

"Whatever..." Savvy said with a sassy tone. "But could I-"

The cop cut her off, "No 'buts' except yours outside working! Now let's go."

"Ok, fine. I have a gift for you though..." She threw a rock into the police man's face, then jumped into the cavern she had made first. Collecting loose dirt and rocks, she sealed the front of her hole. It wasn't the best barrier, for it wasn't strong enough to stand a shovel, but it would do.

The police man recovered, looked into Savannahs' cell, and screamed, "I need all police men at cell 209 right now! Alexis Hamilton-"

He didn't need to finish before every other police man and guard was there. They peeked in and a gasp followed.

Alexis Hamilton, California's most wanted female criminal, who happened to be Savannah Tomas,

was missing.

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229 Reviews

Points: 3545
Reviews: 229

Mon Aug 11, 2014 11:24 pm
dogsrule5 wrote a review...

Hellooooooooooooooooo!!! Dogsrule5 here to make a review... And just for you!!!
Okay first of all I thought this was really good, but then again kind of short... But you know nothing can be perfect... Okay so I really didn't see any mistakes at all really Good work...

Okay well this was awesome...


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1417 Reviews

Points: 3733
Reviews: 1417

Sun Aug 03, 2014 12:59 am
Noelle wrote a review...

Hi there!

Before I start the review, I just want you to keep in mind that I haven't read Book 1. After reading this though, I think I'll go back and read Book 1 just so I'm all caught up on what's going on in this book.

First off, I think it's a bit interesting that you have a prologue here for Book 2. I don't want to say it's not needed because here it is. But if you think about it, isn't all of Book 1 a prologue to Book 2? Personally I think this would work well without a prologue. It is your novel though, so if you want to ignore my advice to just call this chapter 1 instead of the prologue, that's fine.

That being said, I'm going to treat this like any other prologue and review it like that.

The first thing I notice is that you have Saavy's thoughts written in italics inside of quotation marks. You actually don't need the quotation marks there. Having her thoughts in italics already sets them apart from the rest of the story. Save the quotation marks for the dialogue. And also, when there's a new thought or a new piece of dialogue, you should always start a new paragraph. Just keep that in mind for the future :-)

Second thing I noticed is that you call Savvy by two names: Savvy and Savannah. Well, three names really, if you count Alexis. Anyway, it's always good to stick to one name for your character, especially when you're writing in third person POV. That way the readers won't get confused by who Savvy is and who Savannah is. It's not hard to figure out that they're the same person, but it's always good to have everything crystal clear.

Oh dang, what a cliff hanger! I feel like if I had read Book 1, I'd know more about Savvy and who she is. Even witthout reading Book 1, I'm still surprised by that ending. The most wanted female criminal in all of California escaped?! That does not sound good on any level. And you've definitely grabbed my interest here. There isn't much going on in this prologue, but enough happens that we learn all about Savvy and what her situation is.

I think I'll definitely go back and read Book 1 so I can continue reading Boom 2. I don't want to be lost along the way! :-)

Keep writing!

P.S. I hope there aren't any major misspellings or nonsense in this review. I'm typing it out on my phone, which happens to have tiny letters for my fat fingers to press. I'm sure autocorrect snuck into here somewhere :3

puppys3117 says...

Thanks! And Savvy is just her nickname. When you read the first book, you will get what's happening for sure :3 and I think you meant Book 2 instead of Boom 2 XD

puppys3117 says...

BLAH! I forgot to say, once you read the first book, you will also get why she has 2 real names and then the random nickname ;) *slaps forehead*

Noelle says...

"Boom 2" pfft haha. I hate auto correct...

puppys3117 says...

Don't we all!? *slaps stupid iPod for being a butt*. And before you read the first book, I just want to say, it will have the info you may want, but it has many errors I didn't bother to correct and it's a piece of crap overall XD

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240 Reviews

Points: 279
Reviews: 240

Sat Aug 02, 2014 3:42 pm
AdmiralKat wrote a review...

Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here.

NITPICK: "She threw a rock into the police man(')s face,"
There is a minor grammar error here. You should have an apostrophe in between man and s.

I have no idea what going on, but I love it! You already have a great plot and I want to read more and more of this. Your grammar is great. Your spelling is great! The way you organized your paragraphs is amazing. I have no idea why no one has reviewed this yet because this is such an awesome piece! I do wish that you had added a bit more imagery because I want to know how Savvy looks like. You may or may not have already described her looks in your other book but I want to know(wwwwannnt). You did such a great job with the idea, you deserve a cookie. *gives puppys a cookie*. You placed it the right category(you are one of the only people who do that). I wish you had just put in a bit more imagery. I just want to see everything(like the wizard of Oz). This would make a great proulogue(the title is spelled incorrectly, it's spelled prologue) Overall, great job! I really enjoyed this piece. Keep calm and keep writing! :D

puppys3117 says...

Thanks, I will fix the title and add the apostrophe. So wait... other people don't put their book in the right category? *eats cookie then laughs from other peoples laziness* Not you though ;)

puppys3117 says...

I also suggest reading the first book (when I first joined) so you get what's happening. (By the way, the first book has many errors that I didn't bother to fix, and it's a piece of crap) XD

AdmiralKat says...

I'll get to that, after I conquer the green room... MUHAHHA

puppys3117 says...


We are all broken. That's how the light gets in.
— Ernest Hemingway