Young Writers Society

This is wonderful.

The structure of this poem is great, and it flows so nicely. You definitely had my attention throughout the entire piece. The rhyming was great as well, it didn't feel forced. I love the verse, "My regrets are far from clean. But every nightmare started as a dream." I see this piece as a sort of confession, and I really enjoy it. And I like how you ended with a question, I think it worked very well.

~FearlessLove4

Hey, yo, Stripeslife! Strangelove here on this PokeReview Day and I have a quick review for you!
This was a good poem. The stanzas were nice and even, it was fluent, and a few times did you have trouble with length. What stood out the most is the subject, which is a very common one. I do see a lot of poems about nightmares, but you take somewhat of a different approach. First off, the good stuff.
The subject was enjoyable. You add more than one would get on an average "dream/nightmare" poem. You debacle over the two, and how you prefer the dreams more. For some reason, I never really see that often. It's usually just the narrating complaining. You want more, and I respected that quality.
I did encounter a few faults throughout the poem. There are sometimes, while reading the poem, I would read it out loud and it wouldn't sound right. It makes my tongue fumble and I'm not sure if you were aware of this or not. It was solid, but some of those just kill me. Also, the third or fourth stanza has long lines that interrupt the whole pace of this. You want to keep it flowing like a river, have it never stop. Encounter a few rocks, but go straight over that.
Overall, good job.
Strangelove gives you...
8.1/10
Good job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.

Hey Stripes~
I'm really impressed with some of your lines. I think they're very nice.

However, you've really got to work on your rhyme scheme. Trying to rhyme times and time together is a no go. They don't rhyme, for one, and for two, it's the same word. Clean and dream also don't rhyme. Holds and told is close, but it really doesn't rhyme. I would suggest dropping the rhyme all together. Free verse can be very liberating. If you're going to rhyme, it should mean something. If you're rhyming just to rhyme, you should probably rethink your writing strategy.

I'd also like to know what you think
"My regrets are far from clean" means because as a reader I don't know. No regrets are clean. We only regret the dirty things we've done.

That beings said, I really appreciate the slight echo of "My regrets are far from clean" in the line "though my thoughts are pure"

I feel like this poem has a lot of filler in it. You start sentences with words that can be cut out like so, even, oh, but. With poetry, every word should count. Poets don't have the word count to waste on filler.

Lastly,

But could it be not too late?

The poem is good and emotions can be felt. However the whole thing could have been better if u chose to rhyme alternately especially when it is a lyrical poem. But again it was a good approach. Write more lyrical poems, looking forward to them.

Yeah addictions can be hard to beat, but never give up! Overall I really liked this poem, but I'm kinda confused did you mean to have it as all one stanza? I also noticed you started a few sentences with "but" I might be wrong, however I'm pretty sure that's not correct.

Another thing I noticed is I feel like it's missing something. I can't exactly put my finger on it, but it's there. Still really good poem! Can't wait to read more of your stuff! =^_^=

Hello there! First of all, I have to say that you've got talent, that's pretty obvious. I love the concept of your poem but there are few things that bother me while I was reading it.

"I’ve told myself,

oh so many times,..."

It would be better without that comma after "myself" or if you put comma after "Oh" it would sound more dramatic (it's just a suggestion).

"Even though my thoughts are pure,

my intentions far from disaster,

my own mind,

hard even for me to master"

Was this supposed to be intentional rhyme or accidental? It confused me and I started searching for other rhymes but I couldn't find them. I don't really like when that happens because it ruins the whole concept showing that you are talented enough to make a rhyme but you keep writing "free lines". Anyway, I hope I didn't sound sharp. This one was okay and I hope I'll read more from you, keep writing!

~Bard