Young Writers Society

Hey there! Let me assemble my thoughts on this... Okay

I read the poem thrice to make sure I did not miss out on anything. That said, it seemed to me that the poem talks about the Earth's environment and its exploitation. The idea isn't anything new or different, but it was, nevertheless, an interesting read. The punctuation and the enjambment are pretty tidy, the flows okay. So, no nitpicks there.

The point where I really get the hang of the poem is the last part of the second stanza, where you've described the silhouettes of building as claws and used clouds as a metaphor for something. It is almost as if the clouds are made of cotton and the pointed skyscrapers are tearing them apart. That's quite an image. Something that makes me think.

The last stanza is the icing — almost a warning : the Earth will crumble if we continue to exploit it, it does not owe us anything. Whoa.

So, overall, good job. I believe I've read some of your earlier works too and I really like the way you write. Just keep them poems coming.

Regards
S

I like the vagueness of this poem, how it makes you think about what you're writing for. I think the comparisons you've made give the reader a better understanding of what you're talking about, though I think this poem is a little opinionated making it slightly void of truer emotion. A few of your lines rhymed a bit, making me confused as to whether you were trying to rhyme in the poem or not, but that was probably my own mistake. Keep writing about what you believe in, but remember that when you write about how things have affected you personally or others that are important in your life, your words tend to have a stronger voice, because they know in completion what they're saying.

You are writing about environmental destruction? You suggest that if a more modest individual held as much power as, say, a plastics manufacturer, they would respect the earth, as it has done us no wrong, only good. And I may just be percieing this but it also mat be about alternate perceptions, the small causes that we support insufficiently "breeding grounds for odium, detesting each in their own" seems to suggest that everyone hates one anoter for a million different reasons. But we dont really know one another. Convienient hipocracy. And spent livestyles describes the way we dont try hard enough to save ground, we just save face. What a vibrant vocabulary you have their! I always enjoy absorbing a couple more words each time I read one of your poems. And you use them very well. This is an interesting piece that provokes thoughts with pleasent imagery. The whole thing comes together well into one meaning, but it is also fractally packed with double meanings. My favourite type. You did good writing here. Dont change! Unless you want to of course.

This poem is so smooth that I can read this without a problem. At first, I was a little confused on what the story was about, but then I took a guess that it was about a battle between two people, and the narrator ends up winning. However, I didn't it think was that clear, but still, the language is good. Still use that language, but make sure that your audience can understand what you're writing. Otherwise, you're doing very good with poetry already.