I am falling asleep all of the time. Sometimes life
is a process of wakefulness, of reminders
that I am here and now
and despite the assurances that I have five fingers
on each hand, two hands
and two feet I am more
than I am accounted for.
There is a growth in my chest
and I am waiting every day
for it to grow arms, legs,
a mouth to tell me which direction I
might finally go to, to find
it.
It grows a set of teeth,
eyes to watch my breath and heartbeat
as they go along their business and it
does not eat me but I wait
and even in my sleep, wait.
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137,630 Literary Works • 672,054 Reviews
Hey Persy, I seen you posted something and I had to come see.
I like it alot but I just didn't find this work to be subpar with your other works.
This doesn't really ring. It just sounds bad. The repetition of 'and' and hands/hand just make me kinda cringe. Also by the time I have read the stanza over it gives me this impression that I'm reading a question on a test that's a double negative. I wish you would tell us what the character is feeling in a more straight-forward way.
The second stanza is rough. This growth cannot become a part of you to tell you where to look to find itself. That is just more confusing than it needs to be and arguably it just doesn't make any sense what-so-ever.
I like the third stanza because it relates to me. The character finds a part of himself/herself a victim of simply observing the world without the direction to influence it. I feel empathy for the character but only because I have known a similar feeling.
You're baaaaaack! :O *fan squeals*
I'm with @Booshian on this one, when I read it, I got more of a sense of sadness/depression configured as a monster/life-form that is growing inside the speaker. A lot of reviewers don't get the connection of the title to the poem, but I think that "chewing" actually explains in a much more vivid, concrete manner the idea of "anxiety"/"uncertainty". It very much does feel like something is chewing, and I think there's an idiom or expression too that says like oh, let me chew on it. // it's gnawing at me, it's chewing at me. I think gnawing fits better with the idea. Chewing is kind of cutesy, but I kind of like cutesy. Oh, decisions, decisions.
Did not like the break of the last line in the second stanza. The double it's on that penultimate line in that stanza also bug me. All of the other breaks though, I found very interesting. Also loved the last line about the eating. Errrugugh, this one is very tight. Very nice. Love.
~ as always, Audy
ahh you got it and also, sorry, I wrote this last november so I'm not really back-back but ily anyway
This was amazing. I loved every line. It flowed really well and made me feel the pain and anticipation of life in every letter. Really well done, thank you for sharing this with the rest of us.
I love the vagueness, I think that leaves it open to more personal interpretation.
To me, I get the impression this was written in a time of great uncertainty and you wish that this "growth" will tell you which "direction" to go, in life I assume?. Or maybe this thing is a metaphor for anxiety or depression as you conveyed a sense of building pressure with the repetition of the word "wait" you may be waiting for something unforeseen something you're afraid of. That was my interpretation anyway. As for the title I can't really make any connection. But it is unusual which I found eye catching. I really did enjoy this though, reminded me a lot of Plath, her darker poems like elm - "I am inhabited by a cry nightly it flaps out with its hooks looking for something to love" if that's the subject matter direction you were going, I loved it.
This is an interesting poem, although I dont exactly understand it. I get the "more than I am accounted for part" as the writer believes that another life-form is growing in your chest.... Oh I get it now!!. I think. Is it about carrying a child? If so very clever. Im luaghing at myself now XD. Anyways, I think that this poem could benefit from some restructuring. If I may " as they go along their buisness and it doesnt eat me" should be two different sentences, and so should
"Despite the assurance that I am here and now" and "I have five fingers" should be seperate. I would also suggest that you revise, "to go to" in the second paragraph. Besides that good job. And sorry about the confusion, ive been thinking about schizophrenia and word salad ha ha. But Ill leave you alone now to reflect on your effective writing style and keep writing.