z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

John's Quest~Chapter Three

by r4p17


     "Now, it is high time that you found out some details concerning why you are here and where we are going. As I told you we are heading for the village of Trewant. It has a population of two hundred people. The people there know me though not very well. They are mostly simple farmers and merchants. I have a friend there who is the local blacksmith. He will help you on your way when it comes to weapons, for you will need them to protect yourself often.

"I can also tell you the reason why you have been sent here. There is a prophecy concerning the lost son of Kurk the king of Lustan. It goes as follows: When summer comes the time is near for all to fear the lost son of Kurk. From the eastern plains Kurk's hope remains; the long lost Prince returns. Those words were spoken twenty years ago when you were not yet born into this world. But John the son of Kurk was killed. However, some magic has twisted the will of fate. You have been sent into this world in the place of Prince John. The hope of Lustan rests on your shoulders. Though in your world you were but an average sixteen year old, here you are a Chosen Prince. Your training begins tomorrow. You had better learn fast."

For a second John was stunned. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. But after the initial shock his brain recovered and he began thinking through what he had just heard logically.

"How do I know what you are telling me is true?" He asked Renalf. "I only just met you what a couple of hours ago? How can I know what you said is true? You may just be trying to stroke my ego and get me off my guard. I don't really put much faith in prophecies or wizards either!"

"Ah, young prince. You have much to learn. You realize that you are no longer in a world that is bound totally by scientific principles. This is a world that is influenced a great deal by magic. And prophecies are not to be disregarded lightly either. There are more worlds than one you know. It is my task to protect this world and the job of others to protect theirs. But in a turn of events that was far beyond my control you were called out of your own world to finish a task in this world that was left undone by another. You have been given a gift and a responsibility."

For the first time that day John, at least for a moment, understood what was happening. For once he believed what the wizard said. It was obvious that he had somehow been transported to another world. It was the strangest thing he had ever heard of but here he was. He guessed that there must have been a reason for this strange turn of events and what Renalf said made sense. Maybe I really was chosen to take the place of a prince from another world.

He still had one question though. "How did I get here then. There must be some explanation for that. I cannot figure all of this confusing information. It makes my head spin."

"It doesn't appear to be spinning now, but that is beside the point. However, I cannot answer your question. To be honest, I don't know. Even if I did know I couldn't tell you the answer."

I knew he would say that. I guess it makes sense. I'd still like to know how I got here though.

"So where do we go, that is after we make it to Trewant? I assume we'll head of the capital?"

"I was waiting for you to ask me that! You are correct in your assumption. We will turn west as soon as we pass through Trewant. Keston is a hundred miles west of here. We will arrive in less than a week if we make good time and don't run into any trouble on the way. But with all the rogues and bandits running around free to roam the country, that is a pretty big if, my liege."

"Why does the king allow rogues and bandits to roam the countryside freely. Is he completely powerless? If that is the case it is rather hopeless for me do have been transported here. And don't call me liege. I have no rank in this world. I may become a prince but right now I'm not."

"Well you will be prince sooner or later, depending on the events of the next few days, so you had better get used to being called that or else there is a rude awakening coming to you!"

"Whatever you say! I still don't like it though." John said indignantly. "I prefer being addressed as any other human being would be, whether I am a prince or a pauper, Renalf. That's final."

"Just because you are prince doesn't mean you have to have everything the way you want it, my liege. That is one thing you will have to learn quickly. Now if you will excuse me I will go and check on the soup. The meat probably isn't done though who can tell. The fire is pretty hot."

Renalf walked over to the pot and gave it a good stir. When he had done this he pulled a spoon out of his pocket and tasted the soup. He gave a yelp and spit the contents out of his mouth into the fire. John made a face. Good grief. This man has absolutely horrible manners!

"It was much to hot! That is definitely ready. I shouldn't have let myself become so caught up in conversation." Renalf drank a sip of cold water in his canteen to cool his tongue down.

While Renalf was busy John ladled the stew onto a wooden plate he found in his pack. He also served the wizard. If Renalf wanted to poison me without poisoning himself he would apply the poison while he was serving me. This way he won't be able to hurt me! John debated if he should serve the wizard's food or not but in the end he decided against it. Even if he wanted to he couldn't without finding where the wizard kept his plate. So after John said a silent prayer he began eating. By that time the wizard had recovered himself and dished out his own serving.

In contrast to before the meal. During the meal an awkward silence hung over the camp. Both John and Renalf were deep in thought, pondering the conversation that had just occurred.

How is it possible that I could be transported to another world in place of someone else? It is completely unbelievable. I wonder how Renalf figured out that I was sent here and the reason for it anyhow. Perhaps I should ask him? No. He would probably say he wasn't allowed to tell me or something else of a similar nature. Some adults are stubborn like that.

John put his fork down and skewered a small hunk of meat. A juice like material oozed out of the meat onto a pea. This reminded John of the song Eatin' Goober Peas. Before long he had it stuck in his head. Arghh! Why does this have to happen to me? He shook his head in disgust.

"What's the matter?" Renalf asked bringing the awkward silence to a surprisingly abrupt end.

"Oh nothing, Renalf. I just have a tune stuck in my head and I can't manage to get it out."

"Ah! That is the only problem about being a bard. At one point in my life I would ride far away to distant towns and villages on one of the horses I was breeding. At night I would sing songs and ballads. Then in the morning I would try to sell the horse. I earned good money though in a couple of years I decided to move on to more important things. But I would get numerous songs stuck in my head all the time. It used to drive me crazy many a time!"

"I can imagine. But what in the world do wizards, bards, and horse breeders have to do with one another? I mean I can see being one or at the most two of those things but not all three!"

"Ah! It is a rather long story. But I think we have time to tell part of it tonight. Here it is.

"Some fifty years ago I was only a minor wizard. Aside from doing a few tricks with magic all I could do I make certain things, though not myself go invisible. But that and a few songs gave me enough money to live on. At least that was all I thought I could do. However, after a period of time I learned that I had a special ability of being able to work with horses. It was not until over a year later I found out that this was due to my magical power. It seems to attract animals and repel humans. But then they were not strong enough to drive people away. As time passed on I came to enjoy horse breeding and pursue it more." At that moment something clicked in John's mind and he remembered one of the things the the wizard had said. He interrupted Renalf.

"I thought you just said that fifty years from now you were a bard. That means you must be at least seventy if not eighty years old! The average lifespan on my planet is around seventy. Our civilization though, is much more advanced when in comes to medical technology than yours."

"You want to know how that I possible? Well I will tell you. Humans live one your planet. It is a well known fact that humans are mortals. But who ever said that I am a mortal. For that matter who ever said that you were a mortal here either? You may want to take a look at your ears in the water of some pond. Notice if your ears have changed at all since you last checked."

Wait a second! My ears? What does he think I a am, crazy? Oh! No! It can't be! You've got to be kidding me. They do feel different. All of a sudden the realization struck him with full force. In some way or another, he had been turned into an elf!


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293 Reviews


Points: 17344
Reviews: 293

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Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:00 am
BrumalHunter wrote a review...



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Fiery Salutations


It seems that you are writing several novels. That is a daring venture, just make sure that you do not spend too little time on one of your novels because you are constantly working on another. If you manage, however, then by all means, go ahead.

The people there know me though not very well.

I had to quote this sentence because I am afraid the word order is wrong. You see, the first three words are correctly placed and used, but after that... You should have said "...do not know me very well." The though you can either place at the end of the sentence, or you can place it at the front. If you choose the latter, just be sure to add a comma after the though.

He will help you on your way when it comes to weapons, for you will need them to protect yourself often.

This sentence only seems to ramble on and is rather confusing; remove all of the underlined words, and the sentence reads much easier.

All in all, you have written a good chapter, but there are several minor, but nevertheless bothersome, errors. For example, you incorrectly use certain verbs. Yes, they may be synonyms, but a synonym is a word with a definition similar, not identical, to another. Kill and murder, for example, are synonyms, but you understand how their meanings differ greatly? Another fault is that you sometimes omit commas, but that is certainly not the end of the world.

I like your protagonist. He seems to be humble, but remember not to make him the clichéd modest teenager who eventually beats the bad guy - that version has been used too much already.

Finally, try to work a plot twist into the story somewhere; not only will it make your writing more orrginal, but it will also read better. Still, your story has potential, all you need to do is cultivate it.

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r4p17 says...


Thanks for review, captain! I will work on the things you suggested. Just FYI I am planning on doing a ton of editing in the next couple weeks. I will at least wee through most of the minor errors.



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Tue Jul 22, 2014 6:39 pm
Sampson wrote a review...



In he first and second paragraph you don't end the quotes but instead begging another I too of the unfinished.

"How can I know what you said is true?" This is just a simple matter of sentence fluency. Here's nothing wrong per say with this, it could just be a little smoother.

I don't have a lot of time to go through he story with a fine toothed comb and I don't think I really need to because you appear to know what you're doing. I love the story. I love how your sentences (usually) flow well, and I love how each character has a personality because that's actually a hard thing to find in most amateurs writing.




r4p17 says...


Thanks for the review! The reason I didn't end the question was because the same person was still talking but he began a new paragraph just FYI.

I am glad that you liked this though! I have been working on giving my character's personality for a while. :P




The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.
— Amelia Earhart