z

Young Writers Society



A Song Named Alice Chapter 3 ~updating~

by AliceWonderland


A/N: If you haven't read the first half of the second chapter you might be confused if you read only this one. Please also give me advice for the first half of the second chapter, I would greatly appreciate it. Tell me if you like it too!

And yes, I know it's long, but sometimes a chapter needs to be long to make sense. Please don't let the length stop you from giving me advice.

I hear Pleasance pause her pen. She doesn’t say anything when I go back to my desk, and pretend to work. Then, once I notice that Pleasance is in a comfortable mood again, working, I decide to do what I wish I wouldn’t have to. However, if I don’t take care of those runes now, later on they might poison her, and I don’t know when.

I tip-toe up to her in silent steps and I grab onto her warm neck, gently wrapping my fingers around. Pleasance jumps up in her chair, then she freezes in her seat. I peer down at her fingers on the desk, hoping that I didn’t take it too far. One hand tightly grips the pen, and the other hand makes small motions of clenching into a fist and loosening. Maybe I did startle her too much.

I briefly let my thumbs scan the black words on Pleasance’s neck, to make sure they’re real, which sadly, they are. I don't have much time then until Pleasance leaves. These Black magic marks curse the one person I never wish to harm. If I don't do something, it'll hurt her, it could kill her. I agonize over what I'm doing to her. My thoughts turn off reality, yet only span about a minute.

This contract I've put on her, governed and held true by Time, will only last so long. Nothing is forever. I should know, I'm the 151st of the All Father line. Yet, the warning the contract sent me, this dangerous Black magic, it's something I have to stop entirely. I must extend the contract.

A convincing argument is all I need. A flaw in the magic circle or rules of the contract, that's all I need, but it's so difficult to find. Where, oh where, am I going to find what I need? Time won't help me, he has a grudge against my family line, even though I've tried to help him he doesn't listen. He's been my only option for quite some time, but I have to think of something else.

No, I've got to get a hold on myself, rambling thoughts like these don't help me. Besides, if I stay quiet too long, Pleasance is going to suspect me of some crime. Come on, I need to slow down. If I try to do something about it when I can, it should be fine. Yes.

I let my breaths control themselves, a steady in and out. My hands flee form her neck. I grin from ear-to-ear to hide my true motive. “I got you! I win.”

She turns around to look at me straight in the eyes, perplexed and aggravated, so I speak before she could. “Hey, come on, it’s only for one hour. We could go out for a walk, a real short one. It doesn’t even have to take an hour. Please, would you, Pleasance? I can’t concentrate on my work right now. I promise you, I’ll work for seven hours straight without complaining or a single break if you go on this walk with me.”

Her hands relax, and she puts down her pen, sensing that the conversation could go on for a while. “Hmm, maybe later I could later, but not now.”

“I’ll work for eight hours straight without complaint or breaks if we do it now.” Come on Pleasance, give in to my demands.

“That’s tempting, really, but it’ll still have to be later. I’m working.”

Then if that won’t work for you, I’ll try something else. I’ll go for your ultimate weakness. “Fine, how about this: I will get you ice cream, a whole gallon full so you can enjoy it for more than one day.” Pleasance turns her head away; and I know this is a sign that she could give in. She’s trying her best to refuse, but she won’t be able to if this continues on. I’m winning now.

Now let’s try to finish this battle off, so I can win the war. “Fine, how about chocolate ice cream, with whatever you want to top it off…” I pause to look at Pleasance. She’s tapping her pen the documents she needs to work on, trying harder than ever to resist what I’m saying. But I’m not done yet; I have a finishing move left for her that will guarantee my win. I call out to her, “Hey Pleasance, you could at least look at me when I’m talking.” She doesn’t move. “Fine, fine you get it your way. I’ll give you the ice cream and everything to go with it, plus I’ll work ten hours straight with no complaints.”

Pleasance lets go of her pen and puts it away. Her arms stagger as she turns to look at me. I’ve won now. When I see her face clearly and fully, I can’t help but smile. “Ready to go now?”

Pleasance turns around to put away her work and gets up from her chair. I tell her one last thing before we leave. “We’re going to the Bilskirnir first, and on the way home we’ll get your ice cream.”

Upon reaching the Bilskirnir I get nervous, I don’t know if Pleasance will remember what I’ve done afterwards, and if she does, will she still trust me? Will she hate me? Will I have to tell her everything that I’ve lied about? No, I’m doing this again, I’m losing confidence, and I can’t do that, I must continue.

Then we reach the main center of the hall, just before the huge decorated doors that lead to the giant gathering area, which is a huge spacious place where two of the biggest giants could fit in. I open the doors and let Pleasance in the open space that is provided by the room. She awes in the luxurious place, covered in the finest of marble and color, two wondrous paintings of immense size gives life to the side walls.

I walk to the middle of the room, where I wait for Pleasance to come. While still amazed, she doesn’t move, but then she slowly comes closer, wanting to see the rest of the place. When she is but a few feet away I become very silent, and she notices it.

She comes closer and closer, glancing several times away to get a better look at the hall. I take a few steps back, my feet moving on their own. Still, she persists, but with words. “Hey All Father, why aren’t you saying anything anymore? Don’t you like this place?” I hold my head down.

Pleasance walks to the center, and I seem to be counting her every step as I back away in the same amount of steps. So she stops and speaks to me again. “Answer me. What, are you too amazed at this wonder yourself even though you’ve probably seen this place hundreds of times over? Or is something else bothering you?”

She takes a few more steps closer to me. This time I don’t move. I let her come toward me. I return my gaze up at Pleasance when she gets close, enough to reach her. I give her a dry and grim smile, which she returns with a worry. I could tell by the way she stops smiling and glances away. I tap her on the head with my forefinger. Pleasance starts to wobble, most likely feeling dizzy from the spell I just put on her, the beginning of the spell, that is. “I’m sorry, Pleasance. I really am, but I have to do this.”

Through her throbs, stumbles, and headache, she tries to speak again. “Ah… All Father, what are you talking about? What are you…?”

I hear what she’s saying, but I can’t stop now. I finish the rest of the words to the spell. “Name: Pleasance. Commence spell… спать” The last bit you might not understand if you don’t know the language. It’s Russian.

Pleasance finally topples to the floor, but I catch her as she does and I gently put her down. Her breathing steadies to a sleep. A green circle appears around both me and Pleasance, but Pleasance lies in the center. There are two circles that are lined with thick green mist: one being the outer rim and one being not much farther from around the farthest reaches of Pleasance. Between the circles are runes of the exact same language that’s on her neck. The runes on the ground slowly change from green to red. The first spell I did to Pleasance was to make her fall asleep, the second will be to erase the marks on her neck.

I commence the second spell. I don’t want to be reminded of how little time Pleasance has left, I hate it. However, I also don’t want Pleasance to find out. If she ever finds out about the markings, about the contract and everything else, then I don’t know how I would be able to lie to her, if at all. How could I bring myself to lie even more than I already have? I couldn’t.

No, I haven’t told her about the contract. I haven’t said anything about her having to leave soon, per the contract, and certainly not anything related to it. She knows who she actually is, but she doesn’t know that she’s here because of the contract. I haven’t even told her that she won’t remember me when she leaves. I doubt I will ever even tell her, but it doesn’t matter now, not anymore. For now, I should just concentrate on doing the second spell.

The words move quickly to my mouth, but I only let them slip off my tongue slowly, to make sure every word is correct. I put the spell into full action. “Magic from the abyss, heed my call and undo what has been done. The sediments have been seen and are no longer needed. Winds of the north, guide the magic away. Waves of the south wash away the pain that has been caused. Rebirth of the west, heal thy pain of the victim. And colors of the east brighten the dreams of the victim, so that she make wake up with no memory of the spell. I cast the four seasons and cardinal directions to bid my call. Erase the Black magic upon the poor soul and grant her the rest she deserves.”

As if being whisked away by wind, the Black magic crumbles to a dust and disappears from Pleasance’s neck. The spell leaves not a trace of the Black magic left. Then I hear Pleasance’s steady breaths fade into a deep sleep. I feel a dream form within her, one that will suit her well and make her happy, but I don’t know what it is.

When the spell completely finishes, the circle leaves, and the mark is gone, I sit down to rest. It would be a shame if I didn’t let her rest now, she overdoes it when she works and she spends too few hours sleeping. At least now she can sleep and not worry about work. I could always accidentally wake her while I carry her back, so just in case, I’ll let her sleep for a while here. If only the ground was more comfortable.

Once I’ve rested enough, and I make sure that Pleasance still sleeps deeply, I carry her home. I put her on her bed in her room, and I turn off the lights, hoping that she won’t remember that I used a spell on her. She has done no wrong, and yet I feel like I was punishing her. I beg to her in a silent selfish plea, ‘Please, don’t remember, I don’t want to feel guiltier than I already am.’ I close the door behind me as I leave and let her rest.

Then I go back to get her the ice cream she wanted like I promised her afterwards; I’ll have to wait for her to wake up before I see what she wants with it. When I come back, I put the ice cream in the freezer to keep cold so that she can have it when she wakes up.

Now I have to start on my work, I did say that I’d work for ten hours straight without stopping. Still, I have a feeling like these will be one of the longest ten hours of my life. For now. However, a promise is a promise, and I intend to keep it.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
19 Reviews


Points: 1021
Reviews: 19

Donate
Tue Jul 08, 2014 11:49 pm
ChristataAstera wrote a review...



I liked this chapter. It explained a lot, and you had some great imagery. :)
I feel like the explanation of Pleasance's mark was a bit too lengthy, and it was somewhat confusing. Try condensing it down a little.
Why is All Father speaking russian?
Pleasance's dialogue in the hall sounds forced and out of character. It's too informal.
South and west both take away pain. Maybe change one.

Okay that's all of my nitpicky bits. Now to what's been bugging me about this story. All Father breaks the fourth wall too much. He's constantly switching between telling the audience what he's doing and actually doing those things. I feel as though not telling the whole story while breaking the fourth wall sounds weird. I don't how to really explain this well, but I think that All Father should not talk to the audience, or at least not as much. Have him so the things instead of explaining them. It makes it harder to get into the story, as I feel like information is being shoved into my head. I hope this makes sense to you. I'm horrible at explaining things, sorry.
This story is really good, but you have room for improvement. Write on! :D




User avatar
200 Reviews


Points: 240
Reviews: 200

Donate
Tue Jul 08, 2014 9:28 pm
EmeraldEyes wrote a review...



Hi!

I enjoyed reading this. I am confused as to why you have called it a "song" because it's a novel chapter isn't it?
I'm not sure. XD Anyways.

I've noticed that you tell the story through narration (mainly) as opposed to the dialogue of the characters:

So, in conclusion, I made a contact with a world, and yes, it has very much to do with Pleasance. This marking… this curse, is reminding that Pleasance will have to leave soon, back to where she’s from.

The characterisation is very unusual, like you have turned traits into people? XD It;s a bit confusing, but then so is the original story of Alice in Wonderland.

[quote... I cast the four seasons and cardinal directions to bid my call. Erase the Black magic upon the poor soul and grant her the rest she deserves.”[/quote]

Your dialogue also sounds quite cultish. :D Very cool.

Keep writing. :)






Thanks. I don't know about the song because on my computer and quite a few others say novel/chapter? Don't mean to offend, but has you computer been not accepting going to my stories? It might be why you also thought I had no paragraphs in my previous chapter. Just a far fetched thought. Again, thanks.



EmeraldEyes says...


Errrr. No, it says novel/chapter, I meant the title of your work is:
A Song Named Alice. Why is it called that? XD





Well, you know how I mentioned the song "Alice" in the story? This was back during the first half of the second chapter. The title is talking about that song. It plays a very important role throughout the story, even toward the end, so I thought it would be a fitting title to the novel. Mainly, only the pocket watch is what connects Asgard with Midgard, but "Alice" is what makes it all possible. In my mind, it made sense as a title, I don't know about anyone else.



EmeraldEyes says...


Ohhhhhhhh. I missed the reference completely. That would explain it.




Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
— Brené Brown