Young Writers Society

Fiery Salutations

I wake up, I look around my room

I sit down and think about the mistakes

That I made the other day.

My past keeps on bringing back

The regrets and the things

That I wish would just erase.

Pre - Chorus:

But time continues to go

No matter the regrets that you hold

So I'm not going let them stop me

From enjoying life how it's meant to be

Living my life like it's the only one(2x)

This review was brought to you
by Team Rocket.

Hey Frost~

This is a nice song. I like the uplifting message.

So I'm not going let them stop me

No matter the regrets that you hold

So I'm not going let them stop me

Hey, FrostArmor! Wisegirl22 here to review.

Here, I think the rhyme scheme is a bit weird.


"I want to succeed in this life,

But my failures are attacking me

And they're winning the fight."

And here, I think you need a comma.

"So I'm going to wake up be joyous,"


That's all. I hope you are having a wonderful time! I am on Team Plasma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello! Aley here.

I think that your style of song is something between pop and rock? Well, welcome to YWS!

To start out I'll show you the typical style of a YWS review.

Top Bun:

I think you have a strong beat going on in here. I didn't find much going wrong with the syncopation of the words, or the ability to stop/draw out at the end of the lines which was nice. You also seem to have a really good grasp of the structure of a strong. I was happy to see the bridge and the chorus' although I'd like to see a bit more of an ending on this.

Lettuces:

That being said, I think that you do have a couple errors with your syncapation. There were two times that my head tripped up when I was reading this, and I'll just point them out so you can see if there's something going on with the beat yourself, or if it was just because I had the wrong tune in my head.

[Tomato: ]
The first one was "No matter the regrets that you hold" which is kind of disturbing because it's in the chorus. I expected "on" after "hold" mentally for the beat I had to continue, but it wasn't there.

The second one was "Nothings going to stop me from" because I wasn't expecting you to stop so suddenly at the end of the line on such a weak word. I'd suggest stopping the line on "me" because "from" is the beginning of a prepositional phrase that continues on in the next line. Visually, it would be easier if you had from down a line.

Meat:

I think that the majority of the song seems to be rather verbal instead of visual. We don't have the image of a shooting star, or a wall caving in. We don't even really get much of an image of the journey, so I feel like this song would need a lot of visual support from a music video if it was going to be good, which means it's not radio friendly, which sort of marks it down a bit. If you wanted to, I'd suggest you expand on an image that you want us to take away from this song that might show up again and again in our lives, like a stop sign, or a green light, or even road-kill. Something that we can capture in the moment, and bring with us out of the moment.

Also the amount of repeition in this song is kind of annoying. I don't mean the (x2) those are perfectly fine, but the use of "time" and "life" just gets pestering because we've already gotten the message at the start, and yet the words keep getting recycled. I'd suggest up-scaling them a bit if you do try to add in more imagery.

Of course, I often shred songs on the radio too, so you don't have to take my words for salt, or even sand. You can completely ignore me because what I think is eh, poor quality, does sell somehow.

Bottom Bun:

Overall I think that your song has some good promise. With some more visual images that we can hold onto, and a couple edits to the choruses visually, I think it would make a pretty good song. There's really not that much that you'd need to change. But hey, they always say it's all in the marketing.

Aley

This review courtesy of

Hello.
So you have a very emotional title here.
I assume from the layout of this that it's a song? It looks like it. XD

I think there is a common spacing problem here between each verse.
The easy way to fix this is to put: <br> between each verse/stanza, where you want the gap to be. Then it will make sure that it comes out in separate segments.
Overall, this work has a very positive message. I'm not sure how realistic a portrayal it is of events in the "real world" though.

eg. No matter the regrets that you hold

So I'm not going let them stop me

From enjoying life how it's meant to be

i think, sometimes people get consumed with regret. Ok, you're not showing that side of things here, but it makes this POV look a little bit limited. Just an alternative opinion to consider.
It was a very uplifting piece to read. Well done.