February 2nd is my birthday 
'what's to come in the following years' - 'what's' should be 'what was' because 'what's' means 'what is' which is in the wrong tense.
'How many lives do I have to destroy before I am finally safe? She thought.' - Renard told me recently that thoughts should be in italics.
'that she was not aloud to fix' - 'aloud' should be 'allowed'.
'Although nearly killed her' - there should be an 'it' between 'Although' and 'nearly'.
'you have to wait until we are ready too bring you home' - 'too' should be 'to'.
'thought about what was the plan for everyone else' - I think this would flow better if it was 'what the plan was' rather than 'what was the plan'. It just sounds as if you're about to ask a question.
'Many memories tugged at her conscious' - 'conscious' should be 'consciousness'.
'Grace had never thought about what the darkness brings' - 'brings' should be 'brought' because of the 'had' at the start of the sentence.
'there is an effect that it had on her' - 'is' should be 'was' for the same reason.
'she thought amused' - there should be a comma between 'thought' and 'amused'.
'wondering if she really was here' - 'here' should probably be 'there'.
'She knew that Isabel was only supposed to tell her when they had made sure that they found all of her journals that were taken in the process of the move' - I think you use 'that' too much in this sentence.
'Remember its only been a few days' - 'its' should be 'it's'.
'twin's' - there shouldn't be an apostrophe here.
'everyone else that has helped you are dead' - I know this sounds plural, but because the 'everyone else' part is sort of parenthetical, it is Bates who is the subject of 'helped'. 'are' should therefore be 'is'.
'he found that she was staring at the same man that she usually does.' - 'does' should be 'did.
'Bates thought that's who she was looking at' - there should be a comma between 'thought' and 'that's'.
'The two glare' - 'glare' should be 'glared'.
'I wonder what she did too Grace' - 'too' should be 'to'.
'Bate's' - his name shouldn't have an apostrophe in it.
'smlell' - I take it I don't have to explain this one 
Okay, plot stuff. I thought your characterisation of Grace was excellent, especially since I hadn't read the other chapters - but Bates was even better because I got a great sense of him in an even shorter period of time.
Sometimes your flow isn't great and I tended to stumble over some of your phrasing. I would suggest reading it aloud to yourself and editing it when you get tongue-tied - unless it's on alliteration or something purposefully confusing.
Well done
Points: 31396
Reviews: 760
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