So this is a highly interpret-able piece which I found extremely enjoyable to read. I can't say I know what it means at nearly midnight on very little sleep but it was certainly excellent and it has a very melancholy feeling to it. Perhaps it's a shout-out to life, wherein we all feel like we've done these things sometimes.
My nitpicks are more with your rhyming than anything. You have some particularly well-chosen rhyming lines, such as "I rubbed ambrosia on Achilies heel, / Taught Lucifer how to make a deal," but then you falter on other half-rhymes or forced rhymes. This poem reads beautifully rhyming, but I'd just like to remind that one can always have non-rhyming poems. The meaning is more important than forced rhyming! But, anyway, personally I found the lines "Sang of fallen, brave and bold, / My ears rang , she called" and "I drank my tears, and bit my tongue. / All was silent, it was my heart that rang." kind of grating, partly because the last words don't rhyme to my ears, and because your syllable count is off enough between the lines that it sounds awkward. I would reword that last line if you can, to cut down the words. "All was silent - my heart had rung" for example (although you could probably do much better than that).
Your grammar is mostly good with some nitpicks but I think those have been spotted already. Stomack should be stomach, I believe.
I particularly enjoyed this poem, and I hope when I reread it and am more awake that I understand it better. It's not alike to many other poems which you might find around, and I can definitely appreciate that of it.
Well done!
Points: 295
Reviews: 22
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