Young Writers Society

Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Happy Review Day! Let's see what we have here.

I am going to give you some suggestions that you can choose to use or you may choose not to use them. I hope that you take no offense because I don't mean to hurt you. I just want to help you. Okay! Let's start! One thing that I see that you can do is you can bold and underline the subtitles. If you don't know how to do that, just go to the Big Book of YWS Codes! For her race, their are many types of robots, could you specify what type of robot. Is she one from Star Wars or from something that you made up. This sounds like a scary robot, I must say, maybe she should have some place where she lives, like in an old dump with spare robot pieces. You could also have her eat human flesh, even though, she doesn't gain anything, except pride? For her appearance, would she really look that nice? Shouldn't she have a ripped up blue dress? Am I imagining something else that isn't your character?

Okay. Now for the good things. Even with this, you have a great start to a story, I have no idea what you could do with this but I think that you could create something amazing! Your grammar for this is pretty good, same with your spelling. I mean you're all set! Let's go on an adventure with Insane Mary! (She should have an original name. Like the one before she became insane). Overall, great job. Hope you have a nice review day! Keep calm, and keep writing!

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Hey, yo, Pinkiegirl13! Strangelove here once again on PokeReview Day for my FINAL review of one of your works. I need one more review for my star, so why not chose one of your works? Okay, I liked this more than your Vane work. This is more thought out and well written. The character is better, and more original. Though, it does have some cliches.

Race: Robot

Gender: Female

How she became insane:

Also, her favorite color is blood red.

Weapon: A big sharp knife.

Hello again, darling!

This profile is considerably more fleshed out than your one for Vane, but it's still considerably lacking. Considering character profiles are usually created as a writer's go-to resource on a character's personality and how they would handle certain situations... Well, this isn't a very full resource, and I'd still call it spare. In fact, parts of her profile look very much like Vane's, especially how she's "easily angered" and "kills people without a second thought". I think it's interesting how she's a robot, and that could be worked into the story to become a major philosophical point, in the idea of a robot feeling abused, and how would a robot feel abused? You don't elaborate on her history, and give no reason for her life to change - did a newer model come out? Did her friends tire of her having a limited knowledge base? People don't act without reasons, and you haven't given us anything to work off of.

I think that you need to have more than a few sentences on your character's personality and history; like I said, we don't know anything about this character, so for all we know, she could enjoy saving puppies on her weekends off from being an insane murderess. We have no reason to sympathize with her or her goals, and no reason to sympathize with the people she's hurt or killed, because we don't know anything about her. I think you definitely need to work on the amount of detail that you put into these character profiles.

Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.

Well, I love an insane character when I seen one.
I like how she is murderous and addicted to the color of bloody red.
Based on her appearance, she seems like Jenny from My Life as a Teenage Robot..

Her weapon, I believe, should be described a little more. "A big sharp knife" is too vague. Be sure to describe what kind of weapon it is.

Also, I love her history. It's interesting to me. It gives out what she used to be before she became insane.

Keep it up.
I can't wait for the next character profile you post c:

This review courtesy of

Hi Pinkie!

I'd like to say that this is going to be rather... odd to review. I'm not used to reviewing profiles by critiquing them, but I'll give it a shot. I have seen a lot of profiles, most of which were for RPs, and thus I've met a lot of characters in this fashion. I guess that makes me qualified-ish?

Enough of the resume. I'd like to say that your character has some interesting qualities to her. I like that she's a robot who clearly has the ability to adapt to situations and some sort of AI that you haven't bothered to go into. I'm not exactly sure about the story she's going to be in because there is so much detail about specific events in the profile, but I think you'll do OK knowing that she can act any way she chooses.

I am not really that sure about how the character is laid out for us here. I don't feel like I know her yet, I think I just know her actions instead of her motives. While you do go into some detail about her motives, like her feelings of loneliness [Why would they program that into a robot] and isolation, in the section "How she became insane:" I am not sure I can follow all of her motivations through. The main reason I say this is because sometimes people just ARE crazy. There is really no way to explain it. Everyone has a different breaking point and some people don't even have a breaking point that they can reach in this era. I think that's probably what's going on with Mary because while you say "People began to abuse her" and that was how she started killing people, the logic doesn't quite track. Killing people is more of a stimulant situation, like she'd been given a bunch of coffee and started running around with scissors, while depression is well, a depressant, which would make her sit in a corner and close herself off. Anger would probably be her real motive, a bunch of pent up anger.

I think to improve the character, or make her rounder, you could give her a driving goal, and detail more about her private desires. How it happened is less important than what she wants. What she wants is going to be what determines what she does from this point forward, and isn't that what stories are concerned with? I think if you detail things like if she wants to be warm all the time, if she wants friends, then she's going to have a driving force in your head too.

You start it here:
"She wishes to have someone who will not leave or betray her." but at the same time, you're missing some things. If that's her overall goal, what are her short-term goals. Who is on her list to kill or get revenge from? What sort of damage do they need to do to her in order to get on that list? I think these things are going to be very important moving on with this character.

Another thing you might consider adding, since personality is a continuum and not a light switch, are overall morals that she has. For instance, you could make this character really interesting by giving her the moral of "Won't kill animals" yet she's slaughtering humans left and right. This sort of thing could add a lot of humor to a story and if you detail it here, then you'll find it easier when you start writing the book.

If you have any questions, feel free to say Hi <3
-Aley

This review courtesy of

Hello, love. Aurora here for a quick review!

Okay. Let me just point out something. People don't go crazy because of abuse. At least... not the abuse she's been through. It just doesn't add up.

Who left her for someone else? I get the feeling she ahs an ex-boyfriend or someone. who is this? Also, what are her weaknesses? Her fears? Who created her (she's a robot)? She's a robot, how did she lick blood off of a knife? Does she look human? Does she speak English? Why is Gwen her EX-best friend? What happened between them?

Make sure you know these tings .

Aurora