z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Border of Light, Three

by MaryEvans


He stood across from me, eyes locked on mine. Silence reigned over the air now, even the wind still, and the cars just white noise in the background. I should have known. No. I knew something like this would happen. And I wasn’t going down this easily.

Keeping one hand on the railing for support, I kicked out, catching him right in the gut as he tried to grab me. Before he could recover I moved in, shooting a fist for his face. He stumbled, his lip bleeding now. Too weak. My punch was way too weak. Wide eyed he stared at me across the darkness.

I turned to flee, managing only a few steps before I felt his grip on my wrist spin me around. His other arm came to intercept and I ducked under, adding another punch to his core. He backed off, eyes narrowed in anger.

If I could only finish this in one blow… His air, I had to knock out his air. I charged in again, aiming for his solar plexus. My heel crashed into the ground when I took the step, skidding across the smooth tile. It wasn’t enough to bring me down, but my strike was off, landing instead right into his open palm. He held onto my wrist, spinning me around to wrap an arm around my throat.

"Now, lets be civil." he said.

"There's nothing to be civil about." I spat out and his grip tightened to silence me.

“You’re good.” he said after a moment. “You’re quick to act and mask your presence well." His voice was calm in my ear, too calm.

"If you don't let go of me right now-”

“You’ll what?”

I crashed my thick heel into his foot and his grip loosened when he yelped in pain. I then jammed my elbow into his side and span out of his range when his arm came loose.

Our eyes met again with a glare. I took a step aside, and so did he, moving in to cut my path. He stalked forward and I staggered back, trying to keep well out of his reach. I knew I couldn’t outrun him, not in these heels, but there had to be a way out. Afraid to lose him from my sight, I spied for an opening from the corner of my eye.

How had this happened? How in the world could this happen? First them, now him. I hid my presence well, damn it.

He gazed at me for a while longer, frozen in his spot, and then his lips stretched into a thin smile.

What was he up to now?

“It’s been a long time.” he said. I was silent. “Perhaps you can reconsider your alignment.”

My brow rose. A recruiter? It made sense. Much time had passed and they were probably disorganized, scattered. They needed to replenish their number if they hoped to stand a chance against the Council again.

“I’m sorry if I’m reluctant to accept an attack as invitation.” I said but his smile never wavered.

“That was you.” he said. “I never attacked you.”

My eyes narrowed.

“So? What do you say?” he inquired.

“Never.”

He let out a deep, dramatic sigh. “That’s too bad,” he shook his head, “too bad indeed.” His eyes came to pierce mine. “I’m sorry but I can't let you leave.”

And that was my cue to run for my life.

I turned on a heel, literally, and somehow miraculously kept my balance as I dashed forward. I could feel him gain on me by the pressure of the air about me, and dove out of the way when he reached out. My heels clacked on, across the tiles as I ran for the door. The party. If I made it into the room he’d have no choice but to give up.

A few steps left and I extended my hand to grasp at the handle. But I had to pull back when the flames engulfed it, almost jumping a step when they reached for me too. God damn it… He could do something like this already? I stepped out of the way when his hand landed on the frame, missing me by a hair. There was no way to open a window from outside and no one would notice me with the curtains down and the music playing.

There had to be another door. There always was. I continued along the wall dodging a few waves of fire by pure luck. Why did he have to be a freaking fire user… I kept my head low, curving my path to avoid him when he neared. Following his reflection in the window glass, I counted a step, and then another. Now. I halted, spinning, to meet his charge with an outstretched arm. He collided throat first, thrown back by his own momentum.

I didn’t wait for him to recover, naturally, dashing for the fire exit on the other side of the roof with no regard for the pain in my toes.

Please don't be locked, I prayed as I approached. It wasn’t, and I inhaled easier when the metal door slid open with a creak. I saw the flash of flame and dodged it again, the second hitting the door with a hiss when I let it crash close.

I came to a full stop at the top of the platform. Stairs. Why did it have to be stairs? But what else was I expecting? An escalator? A fairy carriage to drive my princess ass to safety? With no further delay I stumbled down the hard, stone staircase. It could have been worse, I told myself, I could have agreed on that tight dress my mother had insisted on. Dress pants had never seemed so suitable.

On the turn I reeled, almost ending head down the next stairs. But somehow I managed to hold onto the railing and take the spin without breaking my ankle. The door to the lower floor didn't open, and I cursed under my breath before continuing down. I could hear him now, his steps echoing from above.

The next door didn't open either. Damn it, this had to be the worst day of my existence. I slowed at the thought. No, no it wasn’t. I had been through worse. Reassured either by the realization or riled by the memories I rushed down even faster. I was so not going down like this.

This time the door was open. Thanking the universe, I pushed it in shoulder first, stumbling into the empty hallway. My first thought was to bash on the doors to get witnesses, but I doubted his kind would mind one or two bystanders as collateral. No, if I wanted him off my back, I needed a crowd.

My lips curved when I saw the elevator emerge up ahead. Almost colliding into the wall as I came to a stop, I assaulted all the buttons, but the elevators were taking their sweet time. The door in the far end of the hall behind me flew open and I turned, our eyes meeting again. He was angry, and determined, stalking for me in a breathless but lively jog.

I ran. Again. It was all I could do really. But he was faster out in the open, gaining on me with every passing moment until I felt him grow so close I could almost feel his breath on my neck. Jaw clenching, I halted, grabbing at the first detachable object and spinning to face him.

He froze in his tracks, for there I was, in all my glory, fire extinguisher in hands.

His eyebrows rose. “Really?”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?”

“And what do you think you’re going to do with that?” he mocked.

“You’re the fire user, why don't you figure it out.” I said and his eyes grew in realization.

He reached for me, but I was faster, pulling out the pin and pushing the trigger with all my might. With a loud hiss a cloud of white expanded between us in an impenetrable curtain. Still pressing the handle I moved back, to the very door, and once I deemed the hallway sufficiently gassed, I tossed the extinguisher in his general direction and slipped into the fire exit. I was already at the first step when the loud shrill of the fire alarm sounded through the building. It resonated painfully in my eardrums as if the waves of pain in my ankles weren’t enough of a torture. Over the horrible noise I could hear doors open and close, followed by confused steps and shapes somewhere down below. I almost felt bad for the folks, some in their slippers and bathrobes.

A few floors down I ran into the hallway again. The more turns and staircases between us the better, and so I turned a few corners, descended a floor, and seeing nobody behind stopped to finally catch my breath.

My hands trembled as I struggled with the straps of my shoes, but soon enough they came and my feet felt heaven when I set them on the plush rug. Never again, I promised myself before continuing down, shoes in hand. I counted the floors and at the magical number three, left the stairs once more, hoping to join with the few guests yet to evacuate. But no one was hurrying anymore, they’d figured it was a false alarm.

I didn’t have the luxury of indifference so I moved past them, my hasty steps rushing for yet another staircase. I had probably gained enough distance, but it never hurt to be extra careful.

Someone took a hold of my wrist and twisting myself to face him, I prepared to give him the nastiest hit in the gonads a representative of the male kind had ever received. But my foot never moved as I stared at the newcomer, eyes wide.

His brown gaze was on me for a second, then trailed to the exit behind me. Without a word he pulled me along and I followed, my mind surprisingly blank. It was my intended path anyway. The bare concrete stairs were cold under my feet and the alarm was still blaring to make my head throb. But the greatest concern right now was the man before me. He was tall, and I wouldn’t call him skinny but he wasn’t exactly big. All in all, he was just as I remembered him, every detail up to his unruly raven black hair. Or at least that's how it seemed to me, I knew he wasn't exactly the same, we never were. It was a few floors down until it finally reached me and all the gears started moving again. I halted, jerked my hand free in a single motion. He stopped too, glancing up from the stair below me.

"Come on," he invited, his hand outstretched, "let’s get out of here."

My blank face twisted into a frown.

“Not with you, I’m not.” I said retreating a step up.

His brows knitted, a pleading expression on his face. I wasn’t falling for that.

“How did you find me?” I demanded. “Why’re you here?” I added before he could answer.

"Maya told me, now lets go." he said taking hold of my wrist to make me follow.

I yanked my hand free again. "What the hell are you doing here, Noir?" I demanded, my glare piercing on him.

"I go by Blake now." he said with a sigh. "And I'm saving you, so lets go."

I inhaled, deeply, eyes never leaving him, and he waited.

"Nice job with the alarm," he said over the restored silence, "I had lost track of you at some point."

I retreated another step up.

“Don’t do that.” his eyes came to me, pleading.

I couldn’t trust them. I knew I couldn’t trust them. Even with a hunter after me.

“Look, I am honestly trying to help you out here-”

My eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“What do you mean why?” he questioned, turning all the way around to face me straight on.

“I mean why. What do you want?”

“Nothing.”

I retreated another step. I was almost at the top of the stairs.

“Just-”

A door flew open somewhere up above. We both felt it, eyes darting up in the direction, then down to meet again.

“Please…” he said, hand extending.

“God freaking damn it.” I stepped down, taking his hand as we rushed down the stairs. The devil you knew was better than the one you didn’t… Or so the saying went.

"What can you tell me about him?" he questioned at the next turn.

"Fire user, average strength, not good in hand to hand." I recited.

"Fire..." A tiny wrinkle danced on his forehead. "Can you use your shield?"

I frowned. “If I could use my shield, I wouldn't be in this situation.”

"I see...” He said, halting as we reached the next platform. "Get behind me." I was about to argue when I saw his grim, determined expression. Silently, I complied.

A thin pillar of flame descended and we moved back and further into the wall. The fire faded, leaving the handrail black and smoking. Blake extended an arm to keep me in place when another wave of flames followed. Calm, he waited, eyes following the sound of footsteps as they neared.

Now. He told me with a gaze, nodding to the floor below. I hesitated, pointing to the door next to us, but he shook his head. Sighing, I took a step for the stairs recoiling when a wall of red flame stopped me.

"So you brought a friend." the fire guy said from above a smug smile on his lips. He was already on the platform above, a single staircase between us. His face, however, quickly distorted into a frown when he saw Blake. "A Guardian..." he said with utmost disgust. He wasn't so confident now, was he? I could bet he wasn't eager to engage the main force of the Council quite so soon.

"What of it?" Blake said in answer, his eyes cold.

A new smile curved on the man’s face, so full of malice and hatred that it startled me. “Absolutely nothing.” he said. His arm had lit up and with one swift swipe a wave of fire expanded for Blake. He brushed it off with one well timed swat of his hand, sending it crashing for the wall besides me.

"Hey!" I shrieked wen I felt the heat pass me. Was he trying to kill me or something?

"Sorry." Blake muttered, his eyes refusing to leave his enemy.

The fire guy took a small step down the stairs and it was his biggest mistake. Blake knew the delay between his attacks now and in a few wide leaps he crossed the staircase, one hand wrapping around the other guy's throat, pinning him to the wall behind.

And so in a blink, it was over.

The man struggled, a flame beginning to weave around his arm but Blake crashed his fist into his core, interrupting the attack. He still fought, grasping and hitting to no avail. Blake was stronger, blocking his every attack.

I raced up the stairs hand landing on his arm.

"Don't." I said, my voice betraying a tremble. "There’s no need to." I pleaded. I wished no blood on my hands, and no new victims to this war.

Blake glanced at me, a weary look to his dark eyes, and when I refused to give in, he heaved a sigh and pulled the guy away from the wall. Just to slam him back in, releasing when he fell unconscious. The man collapsed to the ground, but his chest still moved. I released the breath I had been holding. Blake crouched to check for an id and that was my cue to leave. Before he had the time to turn around, I was already halfway down the stairs and to the first door in my reach.

The hallway welcomed me with its empty silence. Most people had evacuated I guessed, and the firefighters were yet to show. Blake wasn’t following yet, but that was soon to come, they were not known to give up easily. So I suppressed my presence the best I could, and ran. On and on, I twisted down and around until I stumbled into the vast, shiny lobby of the hotel.

I stopped to catch my breath at the bottom of the stairs, eyes searching for an exit. Too many people crowded the main gates, and I could hear the trucks pull up by the front of the building. I had no desire to deal with the swirl of rogue energy and exited auras right now. Or the noise of the fire truck alarms. It would be the death of me. So I decided to weave around and find another way out to where my father had parked the car.

I followed the path across the breakfast area and then through the “Employees Only” door. It led to a small kitchen and there had to be a back door to stock supplies from. I weaved past the silver cupboards and stoves until I found it. It led out into a back alley and I smiled when the night air breezed past me. Half the mission was complete. Now I only needed to find my way around and to the parking area.

But my smile froze, when I felt the presence.

"Where’re you going?" a voice said, sending chills down my spine.

Chills, not of fear, or dread, but anger. Cold and suffocating anger. Hands curling into fists I slowly turned to face her.

I found her petite figure leaning against the nearby wall and when our eyes met, she pushed herself off, taking a step for me.

I raised a hand to stop her. “Stay where you are.” my voice came in a hiss. Her hazel eyes held a question. “Stay the hell away from me.” I added if my previous threat hadn't come across as clearly. Though in reality, I didn’t have much to threaten her with.

Before she could speak, Blake came rushing out the door I had just used. He was panting, almost tripping over his feet when he came to an abrupt halt before her.

"Good job." She said with a huff and he answered with a tight-lipped stare.

I took a step back feeling something nasty and slippery under my bare foot. But that was the least of my cares at that moment.

"Wait." she said. "We just want to talk."

I took another step. "I don't care."

"Please." she said, her eyes begging me.

"You had your chance to talk.” I said.

“If you just listen-”

“No.” I snapped, feeling the wind pick up around me. “I don’t know what in hell made you think it was a good idea to show yourself before me,” I continued eyes narrowed. “But get lost.”

She moved for me and I backpedaled, tripping over something. Her hand came around my arm, iron grip keeping me standing.

"We really need to talk." she said, her hazel eyes peering at me with utmost seriousness.

Lips tight I raised my chin, refusing to answer her. The wrap around my arm tightened, making me cringe. She still couldn’t judge her strength right. Probably seeing the agony on my face, she let go and I retreated a few good steps from her, massaging my arm to restore the circulation.

“You have no right to show yourself before me." I repeated.

"If we hadn't, you'd be dead." she retorted.

"I’m starting to think that would be better." I uttered and she gazed at me through the semi-darkness a hint of sadness to her eyes. She wouldn't go away, and she wouldn't let me leave either. I was no match for them both if they decided to take me. "Fine," I said, "what is it?"

"The Council has agreed to reinstate you." Blake answered in her stead. “I thought you’d like to know.”

My wide gaze darted to him, wide and blank. He froze under the nasty blinking lamp, saying nothing more. The shine looked off on him, I thought, and the dancing shadows made him seem much older and paler.

"I'm not a Guardian anymore,” I said, “and it was your decision, not theirs.” I said, shifting my eyes to her. “So I can’t care less about the Council."

"You have to come with us." she said heavy gaze locked on me.

“No, I don’t.”

She took a step and I retreated one.

“Would you rather be treated as a renegade?” she blurted out and I froze.

I had known of course, what I would be considered ever since the moment at the congregation. All those centuries ago, when they had promptly kicked me out. But the word still hit me like a hammer smacking an anvil. A renegade? After all I had done for the Guardians? For the Council?

"I don't care." I heard myself say though all I really wished was to scream and maybe claw at her face.

Instead, I continued to retreat until the very end of the small street. And then, I just ran, all thought abandoned. The world, its lights, its noise, all faded as my bare feet slapped against the cold, damp cement. I turned briskly into the busy street almost smacked into someone. A curse followed me as I pressed on, weaving by the people roaming the downtown streets.

It was over. Everything was over. I'd get home, pack my bags and leave. I had to leave. I had no choice now. But where would I go? What was I going to do? Especially now? When the oldest, nastiest of forces were stirring?

My vision blurred and I wiped an eye, realizing that I was crying.

Damn it all to hell.

Faster, I ran, turning corners and crossing streets with no real direction in mind. I could still feel them, somewhere far behind, but nevertheless close. I had to get away, and so I broke into a run again, rushing across the consecutive street.

I never saw the light turn red. Nor the car approach, its tires skidding.

No, I saw nothing though my tears, but I most definitely felt it.


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209 Reviews


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Sun Jul 27, 2014 8:26 pm
artemis15sc wrote a review...



Once again, your pacing and tension was amazing. I was pulled through the entire chapter, and that ending! it's good thing you've posted more already or I might kill something. You also did a great job with your fight scene, not everyone can do that. now to the nitpicks.


He gazed at me for a while longer, frozen in his spot, and then his lips came stretching into a thin smile.
I might've mentioned this before, but you need to keep your sentences as concise as possible. Too wordy sentences are less impactful and lose their meaning. For example you could change, "Came stretching" to "stretched" so it flows better.

He gazed at me for a while longer, frozen in his spot, and then his lips came stretching into a thin smile.

What now?

“It’s been a long time.” he said. I was silent. “Perhaps you can reconsider your alignment.”


I'm not sure how I feel about the transition "what now?" It's effective, but also a little weak, considering how violently she reacted to him. I think you could show us more of what's racing through her head right now, or maybe that she's freaking out too much to think clearly, or flesh out what a scene like this would feel like, just to amp up the tension. Maybe it's that you usually so awesome at this, this one line feels a little out of place :).

So now going down like this
So not going down like this.

"Good job." she mocked him and he answered with a pained stare.
What does she sound like when she mocks him? And what does a pained stare look like? Answering these questions would make this sentence a little stronger.

“I don’t know what in hell made you THINK it was a good idea to show yourself before me,” I continued eyes narrow.
Should be narrowed.

"You have to come with us." she said dead serious, heavy gaze locked on me.
I don't think you need the dead serious, the gravity of the situation is implied. if you want to stress her seriousness though, you could try describing what she's doing or what he face looks like.

And that's it, let me know if you have any questions!




MaryEvans says...


Valid points. Thank you for pointing them out, I am amazed how some of those slipped past me.

Anyhow, really appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you liked the story.



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Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:37 am
Renard wrote a review...



Hello.
This work is quite long. as I was reading through it, there was one particular sentence that stood out for me:

If I could only finish this in one blow… His air, I had to knock his air out.
This one. I don't know why, maybe it's the determination of the character and the narration? Not sure, but it did. :) You held my interest over what was a VERY long chapter. But I liked the way it was more dialogue-motivated at the end. You have a goo knack for description too, well, when your description/narration follows the action with such good pacing:

I followed the path across the breakfast area and then through the “Employees Only” door. It led to a small kitchen and there had to be a back door somewhere there from where they stocked supplies. I weaved past the silver cupboards and stoves until I found it. I was right, it led out into a back alley. I smiled, half the mission was complete. Now I only needed to find my way around and to the parking. My smile froze when I felt the presence.


Overall, this was very impressive; and without having read the previous chapters, I was still able to understand this work. Jolly well done. :D

Keep writing

~R




MaryEvans says...


Thank you for the review.



Renard says...


You're welcome. :)



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Tue Jul 01, 2014 6:05 am
BreeTaylor wrote a review...



I like it. your main character is interesting.
My critique is this: You suffer the same dreaded flaw 90% of fiction/fantasy/action/supernatural/ etc. writers do. The issue is "show, don tell."
Im sure you have heard of it. The idea is that instead of telling the readers that your main character is upset , you describe his reactions of being upset. For example, a character's boss just told him he was fired. Instead of saying he stood up quickly, face burning angrily, you tell what that 'angry' looked like : 'He leapt out of the chair across from his boss, his ears burning red and jaw clenched.'

The other thing is your action scenes are wordy. Action scenes are meant to make a heart race. Sentences should be short and simple. Also, after a character is introduced and his or her personality is shown, the use of a possessive nouns and pronouns are less needed in certain scenes or descriptions of physical feelings. For example, we already know (especially in first person) that if a character gets punch in he gut, they are the one feeling it. saying 'His hand flies out, connecting to my gut. I FEEL the ache rush through every nerve in my body.' The 'I', believe it or not, slows down the sentence and takes away from the quickness of the actions.




MaryEvans says...


Thank you for the review.
Only one little thing. It is first person, but she never got hit, he did, and I can't exactly narrate his pain. Her punches weren't that strong either so he didn't show much reaction as a result.



BreeTaylor says...


I see. :) good luck with your writing.




People say I love you all the time - when they say, ‘take an umbrella, it’s raining,’ or ‘hurry back,’ or even ‘watch out, you’ll break your neck.’ There are hundreds of ways of wording it - you just have to listen for it, my dear.
— John Patrick, The Curious Savage