Young Writers Society

Hey Kano,

Shady here with a quick review for you this fine evening. I've never really reviewed a character template before, but I can still give my thoughts, I guess. ^-^

So, I'll go in order. I like the name you chose, a lot, especially the first one (Ledan). It sounds like a nice, strong character name. So, I approve.

I'm not sure I like the appearance section so much. I mean, that's a cute picture, but we can't really tell much about him-- especially since it's a black and white drawing. What color is his hair? His eyes? His skin, even? Also, how tall is he? He's obviously fairly slim, but it's hard to tell his height since he's crouching. Is clothes preference is also fairly vague, seeing as we can't see much about them in this picture, and have no idea if this outfit is typical of what he usually wears. I'm not entirely sure what this character profile is for, I'm assuming your novel, so if you only have a few characters and happen to be able to remember that, then fine-- but the appearance is the section that I strive to get really, really detailed. Your character's personality can (should, even) change as they develop-- but if he randomly changes from green eyes to blue, you'd need a pretty good explanation for that, or you'd be making people raise a few eyebrows.

As far as the crime goes, I'd also recommend a few more details here. Accused? Is he actually guilty? And what sort of murder? I suppose 1st degree means premeditated-- but what weapon did he use? Did he hide the body?

As far as the history goes, I'd also like a few more details here. What caused the change? Why did loving parents suddenly turn abusive? That doesn't really make sense-- unless, like, they were going through a divorce and decided to take it out on him? I dunno, it just doesn't seem to add up. Be sure it's realistic.

As far as the "other" goes, I'm fairly interested to know why that's relevant information. xD

~

I hope this helps! As I said, I've never really reviewed one of these before, so I'm not sure exactly what the purpose is-- or else I could probably be more helpful. But, you've got my general opinion anyway, haha.

Keep writing!

~Shady

Hello! I’ve never seen a character profile submitted as a literary work, but I’m thinking it’s not too bad an idea. Then someone can say whether a character is too goody-goody or whatever.
First of all, unless you want him to have feminine qualities, I’m pretty sure that picture is of a female. Again if this is purposeful, then sorry, but there’s like, nail polish and everything on the ground. Plus the body shape and face shape and even the clothes are feminine. Just a warning in case this wasn’t intentional.
Since this is submitted as a literary work, I’ll also work on grammar and composition.

He is a young and quiet individual

He tends to only keep his comments to himself.

He never liked talking to others about his problems, or in general for that matter.

despite the fact he had an ugly past.

: Ledan is an only child to his parents, Valerie and Henrick Frienson.

which he taught himself to do.” This sounds awkward. Perhaps you could say “He enjoyed teaching himself to play the piano.”

Now, he is in jail for first degree murder of his parents, which he has no memory of.

on a mission of figuring out what has happened

He is a favorite type of donut, which is glazed with blueberry filling.

Hey Kanome.

I haven't read your new series, but you seem to be highly involved with it, so perhaps I'll give it a read after reviewing this. I have never seen someone submit a character profile as a work before, so I'll do my best to review this.

For his personality, in my opinion, he doesn't seem like the murderer type. Perhaps I really should read the novel now, so I understand... perhaps he was framed? Or maybe this fits the "it's always the quiet ones" stereotype? Is he secretly plotting world domination? >_>

But seriously, isn't there something more to his personality other than his quiet nature? You don't have to go into specifics, but something that contrasts it, something that makes him seem less generous and kind, might be nice to see. Maybe he has a temper and can change at the flip of a coin?

Ahhh, so it was his parents he killed. I would comment on the injustice of going to jail for killing your abusive parents, but I'll hold back on that. This isn't the time for politics. >_> The history has me interested more than the personality did. Why did they suddenly change, I wonder? Is this a family of bipolarism? I guess I'll find out...

Bahaha, that was a random way to end the profile. xD And ew, blueberry donut? I like blueberries but nah, that sounds like too much.

Anyways, I hope this helped. Somewhat.

~Iggy

This review courtesy of

Hey Kanome! You've been doing all sorts of great reviewing the past few days, so I'll try to write a good review for you!

I think it's interesting that you chose to put both his age "18" and then under personality you mentioned that

He is a young and quiet individual.

This review courtesy of

Hello, love. Aurora here with a quick review for you.

I like this. The only other thing I think you could have included (main thing, that is), is a list of his weaknesses. Also, make sure you know how he plays the piano. Is is good? Opus he a classical musician? How did he teach himself? Does he have a good ear? Does he have a history of any other crimes?

Also, most students grow bitter towards counselor so because counselor a ask question upon question upon question. I speak from experience. So what made Ledan unique like that? Did something happen to him to make him realize that the counselor is his friend?

You don't need to give me the answers to these. But make sure you know the answers to these question.

Aurora