Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
His eyes propelling perfectness with every lusicous glance, I winced abruptly trying to fixate my eyes on something else. It was the one boy though, he just took my breath away. His hair was a Hazel nut colour, curly and obstract like a lions maine. Pondering brown eyes to match his hair. 'Hey,I'm guessing your new since you've been staring at me for a while,' Lion boy asked leaning back on a locker. 'Well observerd, I have been. Do you want a sticker?'I mocked sarcasticly. He winked charmignly but I quickly pushed him to show him I just wasen't that kind of girl. 'Hey Brad,' A posh girl said kissing the boy on the cheek. 'Find a room, it's just wrong. And who are you? Some Lady Gaga Queen,'. Her skin was perfect, like her slickly tied back hair. My flexen mop stuck out wildy, it was very messy I acknowledegd that. 'Brad, I diden't know you had been doing charity work. Maybe I should go get you a coffe, it looks like you need some caffeine. Don't worry though dear, when you work with mentaly unable people it can be tiring,'. The girl looked into my eyes, a smug smile playing on her perkish lips.
OKayy....as far as first paragraphs, that one was a little hard to follow there, I think potentially its the fact that paragraph is a bit too bunched up there...all those bits of dialogue at least needs to be split up into individual parts and potentially a couple of those dialogue tags need to be redone a tiny bit to make things a little more clearer as to who speaks when there.
That aside, their personalities are pretty plainly displayed their through their actions and the things they say, so that's a definite plus there right at the start in a prologue. On the whole, I really do like the character interactions here, you get a definitely voice for each person here, and you can instantly see them forming opinions about each other and acting accordingly. It's just some pretty neat scene of an interaction here.
'Pathetic, like your and boyfriend. Why don't you hug a bin? Look a little sad and flusterd, maybe it's because I'm so much better than you. Oh and say to lady gaga, a.k.a your mom she needs some friends,'I said before spitting my pink bubblegum into the bin. A few gasps echoed around the hallway, but the girl still stood strong ready for war. 'Pathetic? Really
Well, things turned into an all out trash talk war of sorts there...with this person really moving in for some serious insults there...and it looks like the other one is about to give back just about as good as they got. At any rate, an interesting end there, with the brewing of a serious storm...and well it certainly makes ya want to read on and find out more here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I'm not really a speller or punctuater, I'm 10. So.. yeah I'm quite young! (Y)
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