Young Writers Society

I love this poem! It sounds like it would be an awesome movie!!

Once again this is not a review and just simply commenting now lets get on this shall we?

First off, I love the name of the sword. It oozes a warrior spirits and a blade that has been soaked in blood many many times.

Your word choice once again simple and brilliant and please keep continuing this. I love your fantasy articles.

Also I loved how you write that Hell fears Zalzaban it sort of pictures a giant demon cowering in a corner with a safty blanket muttering incoherently in absolute madness. Zalazban is a pretty sword, Zalalzaban punish bad bad demon. Im a good demon, no need to punish me. ;3

and lastly, I don't know what the other people are talking about your last line was awesome. It hits home and you should keep it as it is :3

Once more bloody brilliant mate bloody brilliant ( tiredness brings out the bloody brits :3)

Hello again! This was very good, personally I am a big fan of fantasy, so this immediately give you one massive piece of advice (which will be most of this review, but that's your fault for writing too good.)
This is, (drumroll) name the sword! I don't mean give it a name, I mean actually do some background research and find the perfect sword to match the type you want. I have books on the subject, what with me being a nerd and all, but the internet will work just as well.
Now what I think what might be a typo, "Maticore's bane till eternity, " I think you might have meant "Manticores' bane." I might be misunderstanding though.
Yours in reviewing,
The Fiend.

I thought the imagery and rhythm were very good. I felt like I was reading one of those old epic poems, and so you definitely achieved the 'epicness' of one of those.
I don't really see any grammatical errors and whatnot, so the the only problem was the last line. I liked the idea of repeating the 'the sword', but it just didn't feel right. Maybe try using an adjective or two instead of repetition to regain the rhythm there. Sorry if that didn't make any sense.

I was surprised to see this isn't a humorous poem.

Some suggestions:
I don't think that having the 2nd & 3rd to last lines identical really adds or emphasizes anything. Also (this is just my opinion) I think in the second to last stanza the semi colon should just be a colon.

The ending sort of lacked the punch line. I liked that it ended with the name of the sword, but the last line could have been wrapped up a little more dramatically I feel like.

Also some strange repetition:
You use the word "head" 3 times which is a little odd. You should maybe change this because there are already so few words in a poem.
Also in the first line you use the word "sky" twice.

I enjoyed the formal language it sort of reminded me of Beowolf with the story line and language.

This review courtesy of

"Soles saturated" Soles should be soul. Sole is like the bottom of a shoe.
"Night strikes morning, out like a candle" I feel the comma is unnecessary.
My favorite lines are "Sharp heads for meat, but not for game" and "Forged from the bones of martyrs in war"
What is Zalanzabar a reference to? Or did you make up the blade? It's a very interesting name if you did; I like it.
The piece has a sort of ancient feel to it; very regal, like a bard might be writing it about some great deed. It's a bit hard to follow what's happening in the first few stanzas, but as it goes, it becomes clearer.
Wonderful poem. I hope this review helped.
-tgirly

This review courtesy of