Young Writers Society

Knight Dragon, here to review on this glorious Pokemon Review Day!

I'm still trying to grasp your choice of capitalization. The first three stanza, no capitalization, and the last two, you do. I feel like that's because there's a transition in perspective from the object viewed to the observer.

I think the object was the observer's shadow/reflection. I'm not sure, though, which one you're going for, because you have lines like this:

a distended figure glints,
dances her way out from the bulge
of doorknob

When the sun catches
just so, some shade of me so malign
absconds over wall and floor.[/qutoe]
and

she laps at my feet with
each moment, but she's
not me

that seem to point to their shadow, but then those like:

the mirror bores and beguiles
and never forgets the waking moments
or tearstained stumblings


glassiness of water body deludes with
colors leeching away and refracting

and

Gazing up into your eyes,

allude to being able to see a reflection of sorts. So though both of those work, I'd recommend picking one of the two and really honing in on it to strengthen the poem. As is, it's like you're refracting the reader's attention between the two.

Regardless, the message that you can learn a lot through your reflection (shadow) was really well done. And the last line takes the image of a shadow bouncing away from someone's feet as they walk (from "she laps at my feet with each moment") and drives home the feeling of belonging when the shadow returns. Good job.

Hope this helps!

Hi.

The title of this work suggests something powerful about perspective and I felt that when reading it.
I love the fact there aren't many capital letters in this work, although I don't understand why there's the random placement of them at the ending stanzas:

Gazing up into your eyes,

bit odd, but I guess it's artistic choice.

It's very interesting this work, because the lines all run into each other with their meanings (enjambment and all that.)

You could do with some more detail on the characters though:

she laps at my feet with

just so the reader has someone to connect with. But that's just my opinion.
I like the way you've written this.
Keep writing

Great poem rhiasofia!

Your imagery and word choice was incredible! You knew what you were talking about in the poem which is important to get the reader engaged.

Nitpicks:

The poem is a giant run on. There is only two periods throughout the entire poem and thats the last stanza.

absconds over wall and floor.

feels like she's home there.

The narrator also after a period didn't have a capital letter, I know that poetry has its own rules to grammar but you should always capitalize the next letter after a period no matter what.

Another thing the narrator did was capitalize the first word in some stanzas and not in others.

Stanza 1:

a distended figure glints,

Stanza 2:

the mirror bores and beguiles

Stanza 3:

glassiness of water body deludes with

Stanza 4:

When the sun catches

Stanza 5:

Gazing up into your eyes,

In stanza three it could be part of stanza two but that's truly the poets decision.

Other than those critiques great poem and keep writing.
~midnightstars