z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Leopard Girl

by SpiritedWolfe


A/N: I hope you enjoy this short story I came up with for a contest. Any reviews are appreciated! I know it looks intimidating with its over 3,000 word length, but I promise you, you won't regret the read.

* * *

The large beast stares at me from its hiding spot in the lush, forest brush. Its large, gray eyes scan me, and a soft growl rumbles from its throat. Well, at least I think it’s a growl. Slowly, the leopard creeps out from the bushes, its haunches raised slightly. Though cautious, its movements are graceful, each one filled with purpose.

I only stand there in awe, watching the gentle beast approach me, carefully balancing its weight evenly on both its massive front paws. The way its golden fur gleams in the sunlight is enthralling, and yet it stays almost to the shadows with its numerous, black spots. Without thinking, I reach out, holding out my hand as an offering to the creature.

To my surprise, it eagerly bounces over and nuzzles my hand. Laughing, I gently pet its neck. The fur feels like silk, since it’s so surprisingly soft. In mere seconds, this large hunter of the forests has turned into a kitten, purring contently as I stroke it.

Suddenly, a gunshot can be heard in the distance. The beast stiffens, its muscles turning ridged. Nudging me with its head, the soft purr that once came from it has turned into a raspy snarl. A man appears in the entrance of the clearing, holding up a large rifle.

“Lookie here,” he chuckles, “I’ve finally found an Amur Leopard. Its fur will go nice with my collection.”

“No!” I shout. Before I can react, the leopard lunges forward, its great paws outstretched to strangle its aggressor. However, its efforts are in vain, for the man pulls the trigger, shooting it through the heart.

Smiling deviously, he turns to me, and says, “Sweet dreams, boy.”

* * *

A scream emerges from me as I wake. Rivers of sweat run down my back. My breathing is quick and shallow, and I shiver thinking about the dream. Heart and mind racing, I pull myself off my straw bed. In the other room, I hear the soft swishing of water.

“Ma!” I call, fear apparent in my voice.

“I’m busy, Cheng,” she replies, “What is it you need?” Quickly pulling on a loose shirt, I sprint into the other room. My mother kneels by a stone wash basin on the floor, furiously scrubbing a stained shirt. When I enter, she looks up at me, annoyance apparent in her gaze.

“I-I dreamt about it,” I murmur, “I dreamt about an Amur Leopard.” Almost instantly, I hear a clang as someone drops something outside. My mother shakes her head and stands up, carefully placing the shirt at the bottom of the basin.

“Cheng,” she says, sternly, “You better not be pretending to get out of work.”

“I saw, one,” I protest, “I really did. It was huge and-and gentle, and a poacher came, shooting it through the heart-”

She cuts me off, “Cheng, your Neinei’s superstitions are just getting in to your head, that’s all.”

“But, Ma! Pa had a dream about them, and he died only days later.”

“That does not mean it’s a sign of bad luck,” waving her hand, she switches the topic, “You still need to go boar hunting today. We are running low on meat.”

“He will do no such thing!” my grandmother appears in the doorway, “He must rest today, so he won’t upset the Forces.”

“Muqin,” my mother sighs, “Would you rather upset ‘the Forces’ or starve?” Not waiting for a reply, she motions behind her towards a table pushed against the wall and kneels down continuing her washing. Hesitantly, I walk to the bamboo table, picking up and slinging a small linen pack over my shoulder. Under my grandmother's stare, I carefully lift a spear off the wall.

"Lihua," she hisses, "If Cheng goes hunting, then we won't have a hunter, and we'll stave anyway."

"He's almost seventeen," she retorts, without looking up, "He can care for himself."

"And I can defend myself too," I mutter under my breath. Before I get caught in the middle of another one of their tiffs, I snatch up a bow and arrows by the door and sprint past my grandmother.

“Bye, I love you!” I yell over my shoulder, “I’ll be careful!” Thoughts of my dream resurface in my mind. It’s an omen, it has to be. What it’s warning me about, though, is something I can’t seem to understand. After running for several minutes, I finally slow and begin searching for a large boar, delving deeper into the forest.

Large, leafy trees tower over me, their thick branches blocking the view of the sky. Carefully, I push aside brush, trying my best to stay silent. My heart pounds as loud as a roaring waterfall and I’d be surprised if any prey didn’t hear me miles away.

Trudging through the thick shrubs, I eventually lose track of time. I’ve been our here for an hour at the least, maybe an hour and a half. At this rate, I’ll be lucky to find a boar by midnight, let alone catch one. I sigh; large creatures such as boars and deer have been getting harder to find lately. With all this poaching, I’ll be surprised to find one in a week.

Suddenly, an earsplitting shriek emits from somewhere not too far from me. I sharply inhale and pause for a second, hesitant to move forward. As my mind finally gains a grasp of the situation, I bolt forward, my pack bouncing on my back. It feels odd to me, since my feet sound like thunder as they pound on the ground and shrubbery.

Quickly, I skid to a stop at the edge of a clearing. A girl stands in front of an Amur Leopard. It snarls menacingly, reaching forward to grab her. Foam bubbles from its mouth, and its once elegant behavior has been reduced to one of a savage nature.

Dropping my spear, I grab an arrow and knock it in my bow, screaming, “Move out of the way! I’ll put it out of its misery!”

The girl turns to me and sees my draw my bow, “No! Don’t shoot her!”

“What do you expect me to do?” I snarl, “Watch it maul you?” The leopard lunges forward again, but this time I notice what’s stopping it. It seems that it has its leg caught in a bear trap, the metal teeth clamped around its leg. Blood pools around it, staining its once glossy, golden fur.

“Help me free her,” she snaps, bravely moving toward the trapped creature. Slowly, I let down the bow, taking the arrow from its place. As I carefully drop the bow, arrows, and my pack, I quickly replace it with the spear and move forward. With another shriek, the girl jumps, the leopard’s claws occupying the space where she once was.

“How about, I distract it, and you can pull the pin out,” I instruct her, pushing her aside.

It is a female, smart one,” she grumbles.

“I don’t care. It- she’s a leopard,” I retort. Holding the spear sideways firmly with both hands, I lunge forward. Once again, the leopard swipes, pulling her lips back in a snarl. Without even trying, I par the blow with the spear, lightly jabbing the creature with the dull end of it.

Shaking her head and hissing, she angrily swats at the spear, hitting it out of my hands. I’m prepared to wrestle with the large cat with my bare hands, but the girl has pulled out the pin by now. Throwing my arms up in front of my face, I brace myself for when the leopard will launch itself at me.

Seconds pass and the pain never comes, and I eventually hear the rustling of leaves. Looking up, I barely catch a glimpse of the leopard’s tail as it flees into the safety of the forest.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone like you,” the girl smiles, “Especially since you were so eager to fist fight a giant cat. Kind of obvious who the winner would be.”

Clearing my throat, I respond casually, “Well I only learn from the best.”

“You actually know how to fistfight a cat?”

“Of course,” I grin at her disbelief, “All the best huntsmen must know how to defend themselves.”

She laughs, “Well I know who to go to if that ever comes up. I’m Monica, by the way. Who might you be?”

“Ch-” I start, but pause. I’ve never really thought of my name as a suitable one for me. Running my fingers through my hair, I try to think fast.

“Ch? Really? Interesting,” she smiles.

“No,” I laugh with her, “It’s Zach.”

“I thought you were a huntsman, and I don’t recall that being a regular name.”

“Well, Monica’s not that common here either.”

“Hey, I just moved to China a month or two ago. It’s not like I was born here.”

“I could tell. Not many native Chinese have blonde hair and white skin.” She blushes and falls silent. Self-consciously, she twirls her hair around one finger, lowering her gaze towards the ground. Being so caught up in the moments of action, I never really got to examine her.

I notice that she’s not too short, since she’s almost my height, and I’m almost the height my dad was before he died. Her hair is almost the same color as the leopard’s pelt, and its tips are dyed a midnight black. Her hazel eyes are soft and have a sort of tamed fire in them, if that makes sense. Carefully, she balances herself with her legs crossed, having an esteemed posture.

“Um,” she says, turning shy now, “You live out in the forests, right?”

I nod. Her hands have moved down to her waist, carefully smoothing out her sky blue skirt. Barely reaching her knees, it has different navy blue birds imprinted on them, each looking like they are soaring. Her bright yellow blouse is simple, though the sleeves are slightly puffed out.

“Would you stop staring at me like that?” she growls, quickly pulling her arms around her chest.

“Oh, no,” I quickly respond, “I didn’t mean- Well, uh. You look nice.”

Rolling her eyes, she scoffs, “Nice save.”

“No, really,” I assure her, “Your hair reminds me of that leopard, and it looks nice.” Cringing slightly, I realize how stupid that just sounded.

“Finally, someone gets it.”

Nodding again, I rub my arm nervously, “Uh- so… Why’d you move here?”

“Oh, that. My dad’s working for an organization to help stop poaching of endangered animals, and so, he got transferred here to help crack down on Amur Leopard poachers. Hence my hair.”

“Sounds very interesting,” I conclude. For another moment, we stand in silence, each of us looking at each other. My heart thumps wildly, though I’m not sure why. I’ve never really noticed how beautiful she looked, especially with the sun illuminating her outline.

“Well, I should get going,” she says, eventually.

“Don’t,” quickly, I pause, “Don’t do anything too rash, alright? You won’t have me to save you.”

Laughing she turns to leave, and calls behind her shoulder, “I wouldn’t worry about it, pretty boy.” Quickly, she slips into the brush, and I already miss our little chat. Sighing longingly, I collect my items. A growl emits from my stomach, and I smirk a little. Saving pretty girls from leopards can get a man hungry, I think and open my pack to delicious smelling rolls, carefully wrapped in cloth.

* * *

“A girl!” my mother and grandmother screech at the same time, each for different reasons.

“Oh, Cheng!” my mother smiles, hugging me, “I’m so happy for you!”

“Now, Cheng,” my grandmother hisses, “You stay away from her. Love only leads to disaster. And don’t you remember the Amur Leopard dream this morning?”

“Muqin, can’t you be at all supportive of your grandson?” my mother growls.

“Love is a dangerous thing, Cheng. You should know, Lihua.”

Pushing my mother away, I retort, “I don’t love her.” Though, my argument sounds weak, and I barely convince myself that. Just thinking about her makes my heart skip a beat. Even though it’s been two weeks since we met, I feel attached to her already, and maybe she feels the same way.

“Well look at you,” my grandmother comments, disgusted, “You’re sulking around like a lovesick puppy. You didn’t even bring home a nice sized deer that night! Let alone the boar you should’ve been hunting, rather than prancing around with this girl.”

“I couldn’t find one then,” I protest, “Unless I wanted to stay out in the dark.” Angrily, she rolls her eyes and stomps off, making it obvious that she’s annoyed with me.

“Don’t listen to her, Cheng,” my mother soothes me, running her fingers through my hair, “You’ll be fine, and if you run off with this girl, your Neinei and I will find a way to live on comfortably. She just loves you.” Solemnly, I grunt to acknowledge what she said and stalk into my dark room. Accepting the fact that I can’t fight my feelings, I vow to myself silently that I will find Monica again tomorrow, and hopefully I’ll know how to win her over when I do.

* * *

“Come on, Zach!” Monica calls, sprinting through the trees, “I thought you were a hunter!”

“How can you run so fast in sandals!” I huff as I run after her.

“Well, I’ve had plenty of practice running around with you for months,” she laughs, dodging another tree, “Now you can’t catch me!”

“I most certainly, can!” Ducking under another bare branch, I quicken my pace into a full on sprint. She lets out an adorable squeal and pushes herself faster. Together, we race through the leaf-littered forest. When I eventually catch up to her, I wrap my arms around her chest, skidding to a halt and pulling her with me. She shrieks playfully, squirming in my grip.

“I told you,” I whisper into her ear.

“Yeah, yeah,” she snickers, “You always have to be a show off.” Carefully, I walk backwards towards a tree, pulling her with me. Her joyous laughter is music to my ears, and when I slump down against the tree, I allow her to sit on my lap. Sighing contently, she lays her head on my shoulder, fumbling to get a good grip on my hand.

I never want this perfect moment to end. Her heart thumps in sync with mine, along with our breathing. Staring up into the cloudless sky with her is just perfect, even with all the branches in the way. I can hardly believe it’s only been a few months since I stumbled across her in the forest. Our connection is so strong that I feel like I’ve known her my entire life.

Silently, I stroke her hair affectionately. It’s still the same color it was the day we met, and her strong feeling towards Amur Leopards haven’t changed either. She’s been so stubborn about them that they’ve grown on me, forcing me to cast aside the silly superstition that they were bad luck.

The moment is destroyed just as quickly as it was created. A loud boom can be heard, and I know it’s close. Instantly, Monica sits up, cocking her head to one side. The boom repeats itself, and my throat tightens. That was a gunshot.

“Come on!” she whispers, jumping to her feet and sprinting off towards the direction of the sounds. Pulling myself to my feet less eagerly, I follow her, lagging far behind. Cringing at the sound of another gunshot, I see Monica disappear from view.

“Stop!” I hear her yell.

“What do you want, kid?” another voice sneers. Quietly, I make my way towards where she slipped into a clearing.

“It’s illegal to poach endangered animals,” she roars, “especially critically endangered animals!”

“Why would I care, kid?” he chuckles, “Now why don’t you just move aside before I shoot you as dead as that leopard you’re standing over.” At that, I stop in my tracks. Monica, don’t be stupid! I think.

“No!” she protests, “I won’t let you take this poor creature!”

“It’s already dead,” he says, “I’ll give you to the count of three to move. One.” Urgently, I fumble around with the branches, trying to quietly part them and sneak up on the man. Through the shrubs I notice the man pointing the gun straight at her. My heart drops. 

“Two.” Finally, I have access to the clearing, and I watch as the man cocks the rifle he’s holding. On his face is a devious grin, and his hands are steady, hinting his deadly accuracy. 

“Three.” Before he has a chance to pull the trigger, I charge in, attempting to tackle the man. As I grab his shoulders to bowl him over, I hear the gunshot go off. A loud scream echoes around the small clearing, and my heart stops.

“What the hell was that!” the man growled, shoving me off of him, “I wasn’t going to actually shoot her!” I’m in too much shock to move out of the way as the man slams the butt of the rifle into my face. Barely catching a glimpse of her lifeless body, my misery is greeted by darkness.

* * *

I wake to a rough surface rubbing against my cheek. Opening my eyes, I expect to be in my room again, sprawled out on my straw bed, and that all of that was just a dream. That Monica would be in the doorway like she was in the morning of ‘the dream’, smiling happily.

Though, when I do, I’m dead wrong. A large leopard leans over me, carefully nudging me with its paw. Suddenly screaming, I instantly sit up. It recoils back, but soon comes back and presses its flank against my arm, a purr vibrating in its throat.

Confusion runs through my mind, is this another dream? Looking past the strange leopard, I notice two others, one lying down on its side. Right next to it is a figure, and I’m slightly worried that this, or even what I thought before, is not a dream.

“Moni?” I ask into the silence. When I recive no answer, I pull myself up to my feet. Seeing her mangled body makes me choke on tears. It’s been a while since I last cried, if I ever did, but her appearance forces it. A pool of blood has collected around her head, and her once neat blonde hair is coated in it.

“No, Monica!” I wail as I run over to her. Her cloudy, hazel eyes stare up into the sky, similar to how it was right before the gun went off. Maybe, if I close her eyes, she’ll wake up fine, like this never happened. Though, I can’t force myself to move, the loss too great. Tears stream down my face.

My grandmother was right. I should have never gone out the day I had the dream, it was a bad omen. If I had stayed in, I wouldn’t have met her. Then again, I wouldn’t have shared those beautiful moments of when we were both together, happy and in love. 

Carefully, I lift a small necklace I’m wearing off my neck. My father gave this to me in his will, and it’s all have left of him. I was planning on giving it to her as a gift soon, but the time never came. Slowly, I lower it onto her heart, in hopes that I will always be in her heart like she is in mine.

Turning my attention to the leopard lying beside her, I notice it too is dead. I don’t notice any holes in its pelt, but blood still drips from its skull. Similar to the way I touched the leopard in my dream months a ago, I reach down as stroke its fur.

Eventually, I see a small bump in the fur on its leg. Parting the fur in the area, I notice scars running down it. Smiling slightly, I remember this was the leopard that we rescued. At least Monica died for one with a memory with us. Feeling something brush against my side, I turn a see one leopard head butting me.

Sighing, I understand what it’s trying to say. As I stand up reluctantly, I look back at the two laying peacefully beside each other. It nudges me again, and I can almost hear it telling me in my mind that it’s time to move on. Leaving the painful memories behind me, I walk out of the clearing.

However, what I don’t notice is that even though everything is as clear as day and the sun is still out, the stars shine brightly in the sky. Even every leaf or blade of grass I crush that pops back up into place is oblivious to me. Taking one last look, I see three mounds, but it means nothing to me that I had left my body behind.


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166 Reviews


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Sun Jun 29, 2014 10:03 pm
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Cheetah wrote a review...



Hey Wolfare! Cheetah here to review your piece!

First of all, I really liked this. It had a lot of detail and just the right amount of dialogue. Well done!

Onto the review.

Under my grandmother's stares, I carefully lift a spear off the wall.

I feel like it would be better here if instead of 'stares' you put 'stare'.
“I don’t care, it- she’s a leopard,” I retort.

This sentence is a little confusing to me. I get it now, but I had to read it over twice to understand. I would make it, "I don’t care. It- she’s a leopard,” I retort. But it's up to you.
She’s been so stubborn about them that they’ve grown on me, forcing me to cast aside the silly superstition that they were da luck.

'da' = bad?
Eventually, I see a small bump in the fur on its leg. Parting the fur in the area, I notice scars running down it.

Perfect. I love this paragraph and how we find out it was the leopard they rescued. :)

Overall, this was very good. Great job and keep writing!

~Cheetah




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Sun Jun 29, 2014 12:01 am
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Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!

Smiling deviously, he turns to me, and says, “Sweet dreams, boy.”

I'm not so sure about this sentence. It seems strange that the man would tell Cheng 'sweet dreams'. I mean, I know it's a dream and everything, but it still seems weird. Instead he would probably say that to the leopard.

Not waiting for a reply, she motions behind her and kneels down continuing her washing.

Just a small nitpick here, but what is she motioning to? Reading on I realize that she was motioning to the table, but I feel like you could clarify that and mention the table in this sentence.

Okay, so I'm debating whether I think it'll be better to describe the girl upon first sight or not. On one hand it seems a bit cliche. Boy meets girl and automatically is struck by her beauty. On the other hand though, we go through an important scene and we don't know what this girl even looks like. So I guess think about that. You get the final say, obviously, but I think you should at least think about it.

Wordlessly, I nod.

'Wordlessly' is not needed here. He nods. It doesn't really matter if he does it without saying anything or not. We'll know that he does it wordlessly if he doesn't say anything.

“You’re hair reminds me of that leopard, and it looks nice.”

Wrong form of 'your' here ;)

I really like Cheng's family. It's small and not like many normal families, what with his father dead, but it's close-knit. And I think it's cool that you had the grandmother be against almost everything Cheng's mother says. It would be boring if they got along all the time, ya know? One thing though, I'm not sure if you mention if the grandmother is Cheng's mother's mother or his father's mother. I mean, it's not that big of a deal, but I feel like it should be mentioned in there somewhere.

“Come on, Zack!” Monica calls

Oh boy, I'm full of nitpicks with this review! His name was actually spelled 'Zach' he first mentioned it.

Oh gosh, what a story! You had me hooked from the beginning. Yes, it's true that I'm not all that into romance, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. The relationship between Cheng and Monica is adorable and I can really feel the love between the two of them. You descriptions are great, very thorough and concise. I could imagine everything just the way it was happening.

One thing not too clear though is the part where the man shoots at Monica. I went back and read again and I didn't catch a part where the man was shooting at her. Or even a part where Cheng sees the man point his rifle at her. All there is is the line where he cocks back the gun. Honestly, if you hadn't explained it all to me already, I wouldn't have known that Monica was in any danger. I would've just thought that the man was pointing the gun at the leopard again. Make sure to go back and clear that up.

What I really liked about this though is how you incorporated the folklore into the end of the story. It was a nice touch at the beginning with the dream and all that: Cheng's father dying after having a dream about the leopard. So that's stuck in the reader's mind as they read on. But then nothing happens to him and we all think he's safe. Then in the end we realize that this folklore is most likely true. He met Monica that day, fell in love, then lost her a few months later. Maybe it's not just death that the folklore predicts, maybe it's just bad luck.

Overall a great read. There are some things I pointed out that you could fix, but other than that don't do anything different with this. It's a very enjoyable piece. Good luck in the contest! :)

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




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Sat Jun 28, 2014 2:39 am
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Zontafer wrote a review...



Zontafer here! ^^

Nitpicks

...purr emitting from it. Laughing, I gently pet its neck. The fur feels like silk, since it’s so surprisingly soft. In mere seconds, this large hunter of the forests has turned into a kitten, purring ontently as I stroke it.


I noticed the use of 'purr' twice here, will anyone else notice it? I do not know. You're the author. :3

Smiling deviously, he turns to me, and says, “Sweet dreams, boy.”

'Not a nitpick.'
I loved this 'ending'. Excellent! ^^

Large, leafy trees tower over me, their large, thick branches blocking the view of the sky. Carefully, I push aside brush, trying my best to stay silent

Tall could work as a replacement to the first. Or just dropping the 'large' at branches. Remember to not get too overdescriptive about small stuff, so the readers is distracted from the actual action. ;)

Content
Amazing! I really loved this piece! ^_^

The plot and words seemed pretty well-thought out, and the story was original. At least unlike anything I've read before!

I'm not pretty good with words, so I'll just tell you that the imagery was clear, dialogue at top, descriptions pretty good, but as I said earlier, watch out so you don't get too descriptive.

I believe this is 'contest-ready', and I wish you good luck in your contest! c:

- Zontafer




Wolfare1 says...


Thank you so much for pointing those out! Glad you liked it :D



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Sat Jun 28, 2014 1:02 am
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Wolfi wrote a review...



Woah.

That was incredible.

Seriously, Wolf! Wow!!!!! This is one of the better stories that I have ever read. And ohhhhhh that last sentence!!
Ok. There were about three very small errors that I probably won't even be able to find because they're so minor. Here's one that was at the beginning:

The way its golden fur gleams in the sunlight is enthralling, and yet it stays almost to the shadows with its numerous, black spots.

"It stays almost to the shadows-" Do you mean that the spots helped camouflage the leopard? It isn't too clear in this sentence.
Like I said, there were about two other things that I remember reading, but I can't find them and they aren't that big of a deal. I'd rather just get to the praise now...
I can't even tell you how awesome this was!!!! All those plot twists... You had a perfect level of everything: dialogue, action, suspense, thoughts. And you incorporated the Amur Leopard so gracefully and meaningfully into the story so that it had an immense impact on the reader. You showed us that the setting was in China before telling is, which I thought was really neat.
Wow. That ending.... It was totally unexpected. I immediately saw that Monica (her hair was awesome by the way) had died, and that was very sad. But it was also sweet because she had died with the same female leopard she had saved earlier. And then the narrator looked back and saw three lumps... I was very confused, until that very last part! Wow!
Your imagery was wonderful and intriguing and flawless and amazing!!! Great job, Wolfare! This was just an awesome read and I'm glad I got to read it first!




Wolfare1 says...


Glad you liked it! :) Seriously, the plot twist at the end came to me as I was writing the third to last paragraph. Glad it worked well.



Wolfi says...


Now it's featured! Mainly because you liked it yourself... Congrats!



Wolfare1 says...


My friend told me to xD Don't judge me ;P



Wolfi says...


Haha well let's just say I wanted to like it twice but I couldn't so you had to like it for me. ;)
~WOLF POWWA~



Wolfare1 says...


That works xD



AdmiralKat says...


I didn't tell her to like it...........Well she was bragging all about it when she wrote it, so I made her like it! XD




But answer me this: how can a story end happily if there is no love?
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane