Hello! Katya Elefant here to review! Let me see what we have here.
The thing that makes me so mad about this piece is that you didn't capitalize anything! Why didn't you? Are you just lazy(sorry for yelling but oh my gosh! XD). I mean you could have at least captialized the beginning of the sentences, let alone the I's! Come on! You can do better than that! Were you typing this on your phone, is that it? XD Also if you have something is parentheses, you should actually put it into the story. Don't make a small note(unless this is 2nd person then that is fine with me) make us figure it out!
I feel like this part actually could become a poem! Do it! Also when you format this into the story. I feel like you need to make some type of effect to make it stand out!this is the song we listened to when you first met me, hiding in the library stacks. this is the song i learned to sing for you, alone in my room. this is the song you will remember me by, i hope, tears springing to your eyes when it comes on the radio. i hope that one day you are lying down in your college dorm staring at the ceiling with someone else when this song comes on and you will smile because you'll know then what you don’t know now
All in all, you did a great job! I enjoyed this piece and I hope I wasn't too critical on anything. I love the idea of this piece and I am curious did this actually happen? I see narrative for one of the things so I would assume so! Keep writing and Happy Review Day!
Points: 279
Reviews: 240
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