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by Brunnera


A/N: I'm not one to write poetry, this was really written on the spur of the moment. So, please be kind in critiques, I mean-- really, this is my first poem, obviously there's something in here that needs mending xD

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A ray of light,

seeps through the branches and leaves.

It kisses her skin,

and arouses her from sleep.

She wakes up in a vast meadow,

underneath a thick tree.

Wondering how and when she got there,

she notices her surroundings.

The sky was a mixture of colours,

absorbed in yellow, blue and orange,

with shredded clouds strewn in the sky,

creating a beautiful scenery.

A flock of birds chirp in the distance,

as a soft wind blew,

rustling the trees and bushes.

She closes her eyes,

enjoying nature’s harmonious events.

The torture and pain she had endured,

wanders into her thoughts,

and she tries to remember how she ended up far from ‘home’.

It was then she realizes she was meant to be there,

free from her suffering,

from the hell she was so used to.

Relief pervaded her,

and a faint smile formed on her face,

and she closed her eyes,

to fall asleep, once again.

In eternal peace and serenity,

forever, in Paradise.


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223 Reviews


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Sun Jun 29, 2014 12:02 am
Kelpies wrote a review...



Hola Brunnera!

I really like this piece, it has a flow that really feels good to read. I also like how you put that she needed that freedom, to be taken away from "the hell she was so used to." So many people feel that way at one time or another, I like how you wrote the poem about it. If there were anything else in the folder, I would read it. Keep it up!

~Kelpies




Brunnera says...


Thank you! :D



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Thu Jun 26, 2014 5:59 pm
Sweetie wrote a review...



This makes me so relaxed! I really want to go to a meadow now! That was really good. I liked your vocabulary. I don't really write poetry but I love writing short sentences and adding onto them. I really liked everything about this. I believe you should keep writing poetry because you are really good at it. It makes me think of blue jays for some reason. But I will most definitely read this when I having a bad day because it makes me soooooooo happy. :) Keep Writing.




Brunnera says...


Thank you! :)



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Thu Jun 26, 2014 3:57 am
megsug wrote a review...



Hey Brunnera!
I'm also someone who doesn't write much poetry, but sometimes nothing else will get those emotions out like a really nice poem to scrub out all the feelings :3

Okay, right out the door, one thing I really appreciate is that, unlike a lot of people who are writing poems for the first time, you put the rhyming away. Rhyming, unless done right- which is way harder than people think it is- can make a poem sound way off.

That being said, your capitalization detracts from this poem, I think. Here's a great article about what different kinds capitalization does to a poem. Capitalizing each line makes the poem choppy when you read it. Though your thoughts span across lines, capitalizing each line breaks that flow. This is an easy fix! All you have to do, in my opinion, is only capitalize where you would in prose, so that's after periods instead of every line.

What I really love about your poem, the part that hit me like good poetry does is your imagery when you're describing the meadow. I think it would do your poem good if you delve even deeper into that. We're creatures that rely on our senses. More emotions and ideas can be expressed through describing things than one would think. Maybe even add what the place she left looked like.

I really love how she just appears in that meadow. It adds a sense of mystery to the entire thing. It also makes her acceptance of her situation incredibly informative.

For a first poem, this is really good. If you write another poem, let me know ^-^
If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please feel free to PM me or hit up my wall or catch me on the chat bar if you see me.
Megs~




Brunnera says...


Thanks for your considerate review! It just made me leap with joy, you know since it's my first poem. :D I'll fix up the capitalization errors right now. And, if even do write another poem, I'll be sure to let you know! :)



megsug says...


I'm glad :)



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Thu Jun 26, 2014 1:39 am
Kanome wrote a review...



Hello, Brunnera.
Kanome here with a review for you, as requested.

Well, even though this is your first poem, I can honestly say that I love it.
You made a story of some kind into a poem form.

I love the flow of the words, the way you use words.
I also love the story line.
She seems at peace and tranquility, that it almost seems.. gentle for the readers to enjoy.

Other than that, I don't see anything wrong with it as far as I know of.
My only suggestion to you is.... keep writing more stuff like this. It's obvious that you have a knack for it c:

Keep up the good work.




Brunnera says...


Thanks so much Kanome! :)




If I find myself afraid or scared, that means I'm doing the wrong thing.
— Jack Hanna