z

Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

War is heaven (and heaven) Chapter 1-3

by ozzie281


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

War Is Hell (and Heaven)

21

War Is Hell (and Heaven)

By: Austin Gray Peters

Introduction

It is the year 1350 and the heaven is raining down. Just not in the way you are thinking. It is hell outside literally! The humans are making decisions on wither to serve a god who has protected them for most there lives or a harsh demon who promises them riches, fame and immortality. It is no choice easily made by any one man. This is the story of Ozmath and Aroun.

Two brothers who are very different in certain ways.

One is a weak minded and easily deceived while the other is very intelligent and also has a certain outlook on life that not many have now. They are both just regular men in their communities. They are helping repair and build fortifications to help protect their community. It is a hard life but someone has to do it plus it pays well. When you are in need of money like they are you will do anything. In their lives nothing has been easy. From a young age they dealed with hardship and also many tragedies. Can two normal men change the course of a war that will not only involve certain people, it will involve everyone? It will push people to their breaking point to where some will rise up to time and make a stand for what they believe in or some will be convinced that all they have known is nothing but a lie. It is for you to decide which you will go to. If you will pick the side of the creator or the side of the person who history has shown as the most evil person ever to exists in all time.

Chapter One- The meeting

Just a usual night in the world of men aye brother?’ asked Ozmath. “I myself think that this day is different than all others. The night is young and we have a pocket full of money from a hard day work making the fortification. It is a pleasant night. Now lets us go and waste it all on women and drinks.” Said Aroun.

They headed toward there favorite tavern in town, the floater. It was a nice place, it had 2 floors, the top was a hotel and the bottom was the tavern. The tavern was an open room with a row of 8 card tables with men ozmath and Aroun knew from the fortification. You are probably wondering what the fortification is, it is the castle they are making around castew. It is the main employment in castew.

Ozmath was a well known gambler in the tavern so it was hard for him to get a decent hand. Ozmath is a short man with long brown hair that went down to his shoulders. He had a scar across his nose thanks to a bad sword accident when he was a child.

Now Aroun on the other hand was a tall elegant man whose hair was as silver as a new blade coming from a knight’s scabbard. He was the brains of the pair. He was also the ladies man. While ozmath played his games of cards, he made some new friends at the bar.

After about 2 hours Aroun joined in on ozmath’s card game. “They say something is happening at hazelful.” Said haz.” Who is these they you speak of?” asked ozmath while discarding 3 cards from his hand.” He has just probably drunk of that good old ale we gave him the other Tuesday.” Said Aroun while laughing with his loud laughter.” No I have been talking to good old Marty” said the man.

The whole tavern fell silent.” You don’t mean the Marty that killed Fredrick do you?” asked Ozmath with a furious look on his face.” The exact same one” said the haz with a snarl.” There was a reason we outcast him” said Aroun.

The tavern was full of whispers. No one knew what had happened to Marty since he had killed Ozmath and Aroun’s father Fredrick. Marty had stuck him through the back with a dagger during a bar fight years ago.

It was against Prime Minister Charlie foxtent’s religion to kill any man so he banished him from ever returning. That was enough for Aroun but not for ozmath. He needed more so he vowed that if he got the chance he would kill Marty.

Where did you find him?” asked ozmath with a snarl.” Well it was an accident. I was hunting and he was in animal skins and I almost shot him. He stopped me before I could. We talked and he told me things were happening in hazelful.” Said haz. “Why would you listen to him” asked Ozmath.” Because what he said was scaring the hell out of me.” Said haz.” He said that the world was fixing to be in a war between heaven and hell. That we had a little time to make a choice either to join our god or go with the demon that represents hell. The one represents hell has made a deal with Marty to be his messenger to the people of earth.

A priest who had been sitting in the corner stood and said in a shaky voice “You speak for the devil himself you monster. I can’t believe that you would listen to a man who says that he represents the devil himself. You are as unholy as Marty himself”.

You are crazy Haz” said Aroun.” Is that so? Well is this not proof enough for you?” said haz handing Aroun a piece of paper with a crest about the size of a quarter on the top that had a demon like creatures face. When Aroun grabbed the paper the demon crest moved and bit him on the thumb. The whole tavern nearly jumped out there seats.” It is a magic letter I suppose” said ozmath with a weak laugh.

Aroun opened the letter slowly; the ink on the paper was a blood looking color. When Aroun touched the ink it was actually blood. Then he read it to the whole tavern:

Dear reader of this letter,

I am starting an army that can revolt against a man who you all see as a god. I see him as a dictator controlling of your lives. I wish to free you from this and make you all wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. I will grant all your wishes. It is all yours if you just join in my army. It will be a short war trusts me.

Sign,

Your new god

The whole tavern was silent and a woman in the back of the room stood up.” It sounds like a very interesting offer”.” Are you crazy? You want to trust a demon who wants to go against the all mighty god? That is crazy. I for one will not have it.” Said Aroun.” I don’t know Aroun it might actually be worth it” said ozmath while scratching his head.

Chapter 2 Brothers apart

What the hell do you mean it might be worth it” asked Aroun. Most the people in the tavern had left after hearing the letter. It was only a woman, a priest, haz, and of course ozmath and aroun.”Rember our dream as children, we wanted to be wealthy beyond out wildest dreams that letter says it all. All we have to do us fight for this demon for a short while” said ozmath with a sigh.” I will not stand for you to say such things, you are my brother and that is something I will not allow. We are fine the way we are, I mean we are not starving, we have friends and we have our talents and jobs” Screamed Aroun who was nearly about to collapse when he heard his brother say that. Then all of a sudden haz jumped into the conversation “Marty told me that he who sent the letter said there would be non believers”. “Shut your mouth Haz, you have done enough for one night you little weasel” said Aroun with a snarl.

I think I should make my own decisions now. I am thinking that you are just thinking of this all the wrong way. Just think what has this god done for us? He took away our father. That is all and that isn’t much.” Said ozmath.”Let us leave the tavern and talk about this back at home.” Said Aroun and turned and walked out the door slamming it behind him.” Meet me at the edge of durkinwood forest when you decide you want your dreams to come true” said haz with an evil wicked smile.

When Ozmath caught up with Aroun he had to run to keep up with him.” Haz is such a little weasel I despise him very much, telling you all that rubbish that a young man would believe to start his mind to thinking.” Aroun yelled. Right when ozmath was about to respond a sudden ball of fire fell on the ground before them. A figure dressed in all white rose from the ground where the ball fell. The man who rose had a suit of chain mail on with a cross in this middle of it. He looked like one of the Knight Templar. He had long brown hair and wore red gloves made of the finest silk know to man.

I wish to speak to anyone who would like to listen to me. Many may ask who am I and I shall answer them I am your lord and savior Jesus Christ.Aroun had a look of amazement on his face. He was standing there with the actual Christ. Ozmath was also amazed.” I understand that you two men have heard the demons evil promise. Now can you please tell me one thing what do you think of his offer. Ozmath was the first to answer “I think it is a great offer and he said that the war would be short so it is wealth in little time. Besides what have you and your father ever done for me”?” Please forgive my brother the man who was at the tavern was pretty convincing. I myself think that his offer is ridiculous cause with the demon as god who will be happy.

I like to listen to all the things my brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers. We are all entitled to our own options” said Jesus with a smile on his face.” Then why are you here” asked ozmath with a snarl. “My father told me that there is a storm coming and we have not the power to stop it and it will strike with the thunder of all storms combined. We are here to ask all his children to please help us. We ask this of you as a father asking his children to fetch water from a well. We have no riches in our treasury to give all of you but what we do offer is the action to insure your seat at the right hand at my father” said Jesus with still a smile on his face.

I for one will serve with you and the rightful god anywhere you need me. I am a servant of god and only god.” Said Aroun with a smile on his face.” But Not that I doubt you my lord but do you have any proof that you are who you say you are?”

Then all of a sudden Jesus started laughing. His laugh was hypnotizing to all who stood now before him.” I don’t mind my brother. I understand your doubt, it has been a weird evening” Said Jesus. Then Jesus pulled off the gloves and showed the holes in his hands.

Aroun almost fainted when he could look through the holes in his hand.

Ozmath had already left while the commotion was still going on. He made his way to Durckwood where he met haz.” I see you have chosen the right side.” said haz with a scary smile that made ozmath get a chill up his back.” I have taken it into account. It is a good offer so… I am in.” said ozmath.”Well the master will be proud.” Said haz with a half-smile half frown. They walked a little in the woods and then haz stopped.” I hope it is not too inconvenient but I would love to see what kind of skills you posses if you don’t mind.” Said haz.

Ozmath had been waiting for this opportunity since they first talked. He reached in his tunic and pulled out 10 little throwing knifes.” I mostly use these knifes, a bow and a sword occasionally. I hope the demon has a smith where ever we are going.” Said ozmath.

Don’t call him a demon anymore. It is master now.” Said Haz with a growl. Ozmath ignored him and cut a square in a tree. He put 9 of the knifes in a tree about 6 yards away from the square. Then he threw the first one and it stuck deep in the bark. He did the same with all of the 10. Haz looked impressed.” Looks like I recruited a good one. Let’s continue walking.” Haz said.

1 hour later they stopped at a small hut and haz looked very pleased with himself.” Now do you have any weapons on you other than the knifes.” asked haz. Ozmath pulled out 2 hunting knifes from his wrist and 5 from his boots, and a dagger from his thigh.

Haz put them all inside the hut and then looked ozmath up and down.” So you wish to serve the true god?” asked haz. “Yes I do” said ozmath. “You have proven your worth to me. You will be a great general to the army.” Said haz.” Thank you.” said ozmath. “Now who do you serve?” asked haz with a crazy look on his face.” I serve the demon” said ozmath with a blank look.” I told you I don’t like being called that!” screamed haz.

It wasn’t haz though. It was some man who had dark black hair with the word exiled on his forehead and his teeth were all pitch white also. He was very tall.” I suppose I shall introduce myself. I am your new master. The so called demon. You serve me now so get ready for a war that will change all others.”

Chapter 3- His lord savior

Aroun was so caught up that he was with the real Jesus that he didn’t notice ozmath was gone.” I hope that you will join me. I will take a special 12 up to make preparations for the others.” Said Jesus.” I volunteer” yelled aroun.Jesus accepted his volunteer and picked 11 others.” Where are we going my lord?” asked one of the 11.” We are going to a place where the demon will never find us. A place my father and yours will protect you. We are going to Aropeon.” Said Jesus with a smile.

Ozmath stood there in the forest in shock. He had been addressing the demon the whole time.” Now, tell me what you saw after you left the tavern.” Said the demon as he went inside and pulled out a chair.” I saw a flash of light and a man crawl out and of course he was crazy.” said ozmath lying out his teeth.” Now I know that is not what you saw. I just wanted to see where you stand on the telling the truth issue.” said the demon with a snarl. The demon stood up while his red eyes darted around the room. He wore a red jacket with a black tunic under it.

He had a long sword with a black sheath, the hilt was a hand grasp around a ball of black marble.Ozmath couldn’t keep his eyes off it.” I see that you can’t take your eyes off my sword here.” Said the demon. He grasped the sword and pulled it out slowly.

Each and every part of the blade was as dark as the night. The blade seemed to never end. When the entire sword was out it was at least 4 feet tall. In the middle of it was written in dark red letters OUTCAST.

It was official everything the demon owned had outcast printed on it somewhere.” Why does everything you own have outcast written on it” asked ozmath as he sat on the ground. The demon put his sword away and sat down “I remember the day god gave me these marks. I was talking to some of the other angels about rebelling. I got a few and we did just that, except we lost. My father exiled me and the others that survived. The most surprising thing about it was that god actually cried when he was marking me”.

Ozmath was amazed at this story. It seemed impossible but yet it was true. I mean he was sitting there with the demon.” Well we can’t sit and chit chat all day. We must be on our way.” Smiled the demon. Before ozmath could ask where they were going the demon grabbed him and stuck him with a needle. The world was swirling and he fell asleep.

When he awoke he was in a strange place. It didn’t seem dead or alive. It was sort of like a purgatory. Everything was dull. There was no bright color but yet there wasn’t anything dead. It was a very depressing place. Ozmath was cold all over.”I thought hell was to be boiling hot” Ozmath said.

Oh yes, I am supposed to have a pitchfork and a pointy tail also. Haven’t you learned that everything that you have learned about the divinity is wrong” the demon said. Ozmath looked around for the voice. He didn’t see anyone. ”You can’t see me. This is my realm, I can do anything here. I can be invisible, shape shift, and also kill whomever I wish”.

Well if the person is down here aren’t they already dead. How can you kill that which is already dead” ozmath asked. ”See there is not just heaven and hell ozmath. There is a strange place after those. Even that so called god and myself don’t know what it is like. Everyone assumes that once you reach heaven or hell that you live for eternity.

Well what about when eternity end. Where will you go then? Will time end? Will it be creation in reverse? No, the world will end like it must on earth.

Knowing that would you rather spend your days working hard and trying to do the ‘right thing’ or would you rather spend them being your own god and doing so many fun things that so many people find so very sinful” The demon replied.

So I strive towards doing the right thing so I can spend a certain amount of time in a place like heaven and then suddenly I go into the unknown” ozmath said.

Exactly my friend. Now see god didn’t tell you about that. He just said that you will live forever in his kingdom. It is a deception worse than anything that I have ever done in my entire existence. I have opened the eyes that have been shielded by a tyrant. I have brought the salvation of human kind to them. All they have to do is accept it and it will be theirs.

If they turn away then I have no choice but to let my wraith come down upon them. To bring salvation things have to be changed and also people will die. I am not going to lie about these things. It will be as painful and anything that human kind has have to go through. The result will create something…..something more beautiful than anything that the world has seen before. The real freedom of mankind.” The demon preached to ozmath. Taking his mind little by little. Twisting him into a man that he wasn’t really.

That short period from the tavern to hell had changed him. It had not only corrupted him, it had twisted his judgment. He was a man who was about to help the devil make a full on assault on the kingdom of heaven.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
767 Reviews


Points: 26330
Reviews: 767

Donate
Sun Jun 29, 2014 3:26 pm
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hello Ozzie, Wolf here for a review.

So I see I've stumbled upon yet another three chapter piece, and I will format the same way I handled the last one. Every new chapter will have it's own section and I will review it exactly after I've read it. Most of the grammatical errors have been pointed out, but another read through wouldn't hurt.

Now, I found the introduction kind of interesting. Really, I don't think it is needed. The information provided there be very easily added into the story itself, revealing itself as it is needed. Not only that, it felt really choppy and the flow was a little awkward. If you plan on keeping it, it is your call, I would recommend a more vague rewrite.

Chapter 1:

Before going into content, I will point out, every time there is new dialogue (or a new person starts speaking), a new paragraph should be started. It makes it much easier to follow a conversation. If its a conversation of two, eventually you can take off the dialogue tags, since we understand who is speaking. Also, sometimes Ozmath isn't capitalized when it should be.

Whoa, that was intense. The concept is pretty interesting, about a holy war between the devil and God Himself. I see you incorporate some history in there, about a banished man who comes back as the messenger for the devil, and I like that, since it gives more depth to this place, whether you created it or not.

Chapter 2:

Alright, so we're introduced to the two battling 'powers' as I will call them, who are both trying to take claim to the world. Or well, we meet Christ and the devil. It's quite interesting that Ozmath chose to leave so quickly. I mean, it's his brother after all. Wouldn't he feel some kind of connection to him to want to stay, or convince his brother to come with him? Seems odd to me.

Also, I feel like you're trying to develope too many characters, and they keep getting jumbled up together. First we have the brothers. Then we have this Haz character, and finally we have Christ and the devil. For the most part, I can barely tell a difference in personality between Ozmath and Haz, and the two brothers seem too different. They're brother's after all and they should have at least some of the same traits.

Here's an example: I have a sister who is almost nothing like me. I have long, blonde hair, and she has short brown hair. She is very short and not that intelligent, and I am very tall and a straight A student. While our physical traits are different, we both have the same morals and views and are both extremely stubborn. Trying making that brotherly connection between them like that.

Chapter 3:

Wow, that was some deep trickery right there. You really take a play on religion here and I find that really interesting. You kind of tug at a deeper meaning to it, and I like that. I can see where Ozmath is coming from, but being the 'super religious person' that I am, it makes me want to fight the devil harder.

Though, this was really hard to follow. Quotations aren't in the right spots, and I get confused on when someone is talking and when they aren't. You might want to go through and fix that. Up until this chapter, I was kind of confused about where they were. You don't that much descriptions on their surroundings, which I would recommend, since everything seems so dominated by dialogue, so try balancing this out.

Overall, this was an interesting read and I quite enjoyed it. Though, I would recommend in the future, you lengthen your chapters and post them separately, it makes it easier on us reviewers. Anyways, Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare

Image




User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 266
Reviews: 8

Donate
Wed Jun 25, 2014 3:02 am
ozzie281 says...



Thanks for your feedback. I started most of this when I was like 9 so the beginning has a lot of spelling and grammer mistakes.




User avatar


Points: 1049
Reviews: 3

Donate
Sun Jun 22, 2014 7:23 pm
LoganArnold wrote a review...



Okay, First some criticizing


"The humans are making decisions on wither to serve a god who has protected them for most there lives or a harsh demon who promises them riches, fame and immortality."

I don't know how to do quotes. Forgive me please. I think you mean "whether" instead of "wither".

"Two brothers who are very different in certain ways."

This sounds like it is a fragment. It should (and remember that this is YOUR story. You can ignore anything I say) say, " They are two brothers who are very different in certain ways."

"From a young age they dealed with hardship and also many tragedies."

The past tense for deal is dealt. "From a young age they dealt with hardship and also many tragedies. Also, the sentence sounds strange. The word "and" and "also" mean about the same. It is a strange style of writing to put them together. "...with hardship and [and]many tragedies." You can keep it that way, but it is ...different.

"Now lets us go and waste it all on women and drinks.” Said Aroun."

The capital S should be lowercase.

"They headed toward there favorite tavern in town, the floater."

Shouldn't it be ["their" favorite tavern...] and you should capitalize the tavern name, The Floater.

"The tavern was an open room with a row of 8 card tables with men ozmath and Aroun knew from the fortification."

If Ozmath is a character, then it should be capitalized.

"You are probably wondering what the fortification is, it is the castle they are making around castew. It is the main employment in castew."

Did you mean castle in place of "castew"?

"Ozmath was a well known gambler..."

It should be "well-known"

"While ozmath played his games of cards, he made some new friends at the bar."

Capitalize his name again.

"After about 2 hours Aroun joined in on ozmath’s card game. “They say something is happening at hazelful.” Said haz.” Who is these they you speak of?” asked ozmath while discarding 3 cards from his hand.”"

Capitalize his name... If hazelful is a town or something, capitalize it. Capitilize Ozmath's name again.

No offence, but if I try to correct everything, we'd be here all day. Put your paper into Words Document and all the corrections will pop out. Good luck! It sounds like a good book in the making!





I'll actually turning 100 soon
— Ari11