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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Mature Content

The Pact, Chapter Two, Part One

by horrendous


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

Adre stood in a shallow pool of water.

The sky overhead was dark, yet he could easily make out his surroundings. He looked around, seeing that the pool stretched as far as he could see in every direction.

Where... am I?

He looked down and spotted his naked reflection in the still water. He was shocked by what he saw - his eyes were glowing deep red and a light trail of smoke was issuing forth from the sockets.

Is this what I bargained for? To become a demon? I may as well have died that night.

Suddenly his jaw was in agony and he slapped his hands to his face, doubling over.

Gods, the pain!

He looked at his reflection and witnessed with fresh horror his jaw begin to distend. He put his hands to either side of it and felt it growing beneath his skin.

Stop, stop, stop! I beg of you, stop this!

A malicious laugh then began to reverberate in the endless expanse.

Adre watched his teeth grow long and pointed, and his jaw continued stretching to make room for them. He started pressing against it, trying to hold it back from extending any further, but still it grew. Soon his teeth were like daggers and his mouth a wide, open maw.

Damn you, make it stop!

The laughing grew louder.

His skin began to darken until it looked almost decayed. His nose sank back into his face, leaving two large nostrils like those of a vampire bat.

PLEASE I BEG OF YOU MAKE IT STOP

His ears began to flatten and stretch, becoming pointed and membranous. His eyelids peeled away and fell from his face, leaving his glowing red eyes round and large.

Adre thought no more. He began to scream and the laughing became a cacophony under the dark sky.

2

Samuel Inari walked through the open gates of Typhor's western wall and surveyed the town square. When he passed the slain barbarians on the road, he steeled himself against the aftermath of a massacre. But there was no massacre here. Many weapons lay strewn about the ground, and several horses stood around, waiting for their owner's return, but no sign that Adre had lost control completely.

So, he's not too far gone yet, and he's resisting the hunger. There may still be a chance.

Samuel began walking further into the square, and in the very center, he came upon two bodies, one live, one dead. He knelt beside the corpse and examined the wound in its neck.

He took a bite after all. But just one.

He stood and walked over to the other body. It was Adre, lying on his back and tossing his head back and forth, as though he were in the midst of a nightmare. Samuel kicked him in the ribs and his eyes flew open as he sat up, looking around warily. He registered that Samuel was standing there and looked up at him.

"Where am I?", Adre asked in a breathless, panicked voice.

"You're in Hades," Samuel replied, deep his voice muffled by his mask.

Adre's face became contorted with fear.

"I'm kidding, you fool. Well in a way I'm not, but that's beside the point. You're in Tyfor's town square.

Adre looked as though he were recalling something horrific, his face first horrified, then tight with anger.

"I remember you! You're the demon I met on my way to Ophem!", he said, getting to his feet. "You let this happen, you bastard!"

Adre swung at Samuel, who easily caught his fist and shoved him away. Adre came at him again and Samuel raised his hand to him.

"I'm not your enemy, Adre. In fact I'm the only friend you have in the world. I have the answers you seek, so just shut up and listen."

Adre brought his hand down to his side and relaxed it.

"Then go on, demon, tell me everything. What's happening to me?"

"You're becoming a servant of the low king, a Slayer."

"A servant of Hades? No... if I had known..."

Samuel suddenly grasped the front of Adre's cloak and pulled him closer.

"I warned you, you ingrate! You didn't listen!", he shouted, then tore his hand away in disgust. He turned and stepped away from Adre, crossing his arms.

"So now we've got to deal with this. You have no idea how much peril you've just put this world in."

"Why? What is Hades planning to do with me?"

Samuel turned back to Adre. "Make you his slave. Take away your free will. Force you to kill the innocent. That's what you agreed to, isn't it? In your lust for revenge, you traded your soul for power. Was it worth it?"

Adre shook his head. "Nothing is worth this curse."

He looked resolutely at Samuel.

"But I will punish those who stole her from me. If I must use this curse to that end, I will."

"Idiot! Can't you see that there are bigger things at stake than your petty revenge?", Samuel shouted, raising his hands dramatically. He pointed at Adre. "If Hades takes control of you, the balance of power will tip in his favor and he'll have free reign to make this world his! The earth will turn black and the seas red! All innocence will be at an end! Think, Adre!"

Adre looked away. "I care not for this world. Not anymore. Without her, it's dead already."

Adre walked past Samuel toward the open gate.

"I've got to fetch my horse."

"Adremalech."

Adre stopped and looked back.

"I've made up my mind."

"We'll see."

Samuel placed his hand over his mask and pulled it from his face. Adre's look of terror and revulsion pleased Samuel.

That's right, face what you have feared.

3

Adre's mouth hung open and his eyes widened with terror

It's the same as my dream! Is that what I'm becoming!?

"Is this what you want, Adre?", Samuel asked, his arms held out to his sides. "Is this what you had in mind when you made the pact with Hades? Look closely, for it's your future you gaze upon!"

Adre felt sick. His body ached and his mind raced with thoughts of consuming, eating, devouring. His face grew hot and he lost his balance, collapsing to his knees.

"It can't be... I didn't know!"

"Enough!" Samuel commanded. "Stop your blathering and listen! It's not too late to reclaim your heart and take back your life. Your vengeance can be achieved along the way, for it is the Grand-Chieftain you must seek, leader of the barbarian clans. It's through him that Hades is given control in this world. If we kill him, your daughter will be avenged and your soul will be saved. But it will not be easy. If we are to have any hope of defeating him, you must become like me."

"Like... you? A monster?"

"That's as good a word for it as any, I suppose."

Samuel stepped in front of Adre and held out his hand. "Stand."

Adre took it and Samuel hauled him to his feet, then reached into his cloak and produced a shining blue stone.

"This will mask you from their sight and keep you sane. Carry it with you always."

Adre looked skeptically at the stone, then took it in his hand.

"This stone has the power to do that?" Adre asked.

"Yes. I don't understand its inner workings, but it has allowed me to keep my free will all this time. With it, you'll be able to resist his influence. But it won't stop the hunger. I see you've already succumbed to it, but it could have been a lot worse. There were many barbarians here. I was expecting a bloodbath."

"It's getting harder to fight it. Even now it speaks to me, imploring me to eat. I won't be able to resist much longer... it hurts so much."

"Then eat, and grow powerful. But never lose the stone. The stronger you become, the stronger his influence becomes over you. Remember that."

With that, Samuel turned and strode away from Adre.

"Where are you going?", Adre called.

"The stone I carry only helps me so much. I'm going home," Samuel replied, not breaking stride.

Adre watched his new ally depart, and looked down at the corpse of the chieftain.

now eat him devour so hungry

Yes... eat and grow powerful.

Adre knelt before his victim and ate.

4

Demon-Eye Slayer watched the exchange between Sharptooth and the mark from Adre's point of view, but when Adre took that blue stone into his grasp, Demon-Eye's vision was clouded. His black eyes returned their normal, perfectly human shade of bright blue.

So that's your secret. I must find out where that stone came from... but remote vigil is now impossible. How will I get away from the grand-chieftain...

He crossed his arms, pondering.

Yes... that will do just fine.

Demon-Eye arose and strode from his chamber in the direction of the grand-chieftain's hall.

5

Adam hammered on a red-hot piece of iron, folding it over, flattening it and folding it over again. The master blacksmith had explained to him why this makes a blade stronger, but that was useless information to Adam. He didn't want to know the why's of things. If it works, it works.

It was mid-afternoon and the street was bustling. A group of children ran by the smithy, giggling and laughing, and Adam looked up and smiled widely. Easily distracted was Adam, and it earned him a lot of grief from the blacksmith. But he was kind, and Adam liked him. In fact, there weren't too many people Adam didn't like.

He resumed his work and failed to notice the three horseback soldiers that galloped up to the smithy.

"You there! Boy!"

Adam continued hammering, oblivious that the call was directed at him.

The soldier dismounted and strode over to Adam. "I say boy!"

He looked up, squinting.

"What?", he said stupidly.

"There's been a murder and the suspect was last seen here. Who came to your shop after sundown last night?"

Adam froze. It was Adre.

"Nobody, sir," Adam said, trying to make his speech impediment sound worse that it really was.

"A lie!", the soldier barked. "Witnesses placed him here! Lie to me again and you'll pay!" Adam was frightened but continued playing dumb.

"I'm tellin' the truth, sir. I don't remember anyone comin' in after sunset. Honest."

"I'll have you hanged for your insolence!" shouted the soldier.

"Richard, calm down," said one of the other soldiers. "He's a simpleton, he probably doesn't remember what he had for breakfast. He's of no use to us."

"Shit," Richard said disgustedly, turning and mounting his horse. Adam looked blandly on. The soldiers rode off and Adam sighed heavily.

Oh Adre, I hope you're okay.


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87 Reviews


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Reviews: 87

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Sun Jul 27, 2014 2:42 pm
Alchemist wrote a review...



Heya, guess who's back! xD

I kinda didn't expect him and Samuel meeting up so soon. The reason is because it revealed to us so much. For an example, you had already revealed his source of resisting Hades. It's good that there's still some mystery to it, but it's not completely dark anymore.

Well the good thing about that exchange is that I was thinking "nonono don't give it to him, you will reveal your secret to Hades!" and that's just what have happened. So from now on we are waiting for Hades' counteraction!

All right, he is saved from his will, but he still needs to eat! That is a good thing to cover up your storyline. Samuel didn't find the complete way to free himself yet. They still have a bloody price to pay after all.

I'm kinda furious at Adre that he can't separete his personal revenge with what he must do. After all, his daughter would never want him to become demon or seeks revenge. Actually, to me at least, Adre is quite a barbarian himself.

Maybe this is harsh, but I don't see the point of the number 5. It is nicely written as always, but its nothing neccesairy to know at this point.

yosh, going for the last chapter out!

-Alchemist




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Sun Jun 29, 2014 8:55 pm
AdmiralKat wrote a review...



Hello! KatyaElefant here! Happy Review Day! Let us see what you have done here(I love this series so much right now!!!! I read the prologue and all of this makes sense)

NITPICK:

When he passed the slain barbarians on the road, he steeled himself against the aftermath of a massacre. But there was no massacre here.

Never ever start a sentence with but. They are used to connect sentences and not start them. If you do that, there will be problems..... XD

I love the story. The plot line is soooo good! Just everything about this story! Your organization is great, with your paragraphs stated correctly. The imagery is really good because I can literally "see the story happening". The daughters name actually reminds me of my name and so that is something I can refer too!

I have to say my favorite part in this part of the story would have to be, this part:
"Is this what I bargained for? To become a demon? I may as well have died that night.

Suddenly his jaw was in agony and he slapped his hands to his face, doubling over.

Gods, the pain!

He looked at his reflection and witnessed with fresh horror his jaw begin to distend. He put his hands to either side of it and felt it growing beneath his skin.

Stop, stop, stop! I beg of you, stop this!"

Anyways, great job with this story! I love it so much! Keep writing and have a great day! :D




horrendous says...


hey i'm really glad you're enjoying my story. thanks for pointing that misplaced "but" out, i'll get it in the next draft.

it's reassuring to hear i'm doing things correctly, and nice when when people point out errors that i miss. your reviews make writing worth it. thanks!



horrendous says...


hey i'm really glad you're enjoying my story. thanks for pointing that misplaced "but" out, i'll get it in the next draft.

it's reassuring to hear i'm doing things correctly, and nice when when people point out errors that i miss. your reviews make writing worth it. thanks!



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Sun Jun 29, 2014 8:41 pm
WallFlower wrote a review...



Hi :) WallFlower her for a review.

First off, I really like this story. The way you wrote Adre's transformation was graphic and gripping, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Your characters are well-formed and you seem confident in your plot and writing style. Well done!

I just had a couple tiny nitpicks.

Easily distracted was Adam, and it earned him a lot of grief from the blacksmith.


To me this phrasing seems awkward. It doesn't fit with the way you have written the rest of the piece. I think it would be better put if you "Adam was easily distracted," instead.

But he was kind, and Adam liked him. In fact, there weren't too many people Adam didn't like.


This pronoun is ambiguous. If the reader just glances over it, he/she can't tell if "he" is referring to Adam or the blacksmith. Only when you get to the next half of the sentence can you guess that it refers to the blacksmith.

Overall I really enjoyed this. Good job!

~WallFlower
Happy Review Day!




horrendous says...


yeah i noticed the ambiguity of that pronoun soon after submitting the piece. i'll fix it in the second draft.

i'm glad you enjoyed the piece, thanks for the review.



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Sun Jun 29, 2014 12:48 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



'Suddenly his jaw was in agony' - you could do with a little more description here. Even a more specific verb than 'was' would probably do the trick.

'fresh horror his jaw begin to distend' - there should be an 'as' between 'horror' and 'his'.

'PLEASE I BEG OF YOU MAKE IT STOP' - there should be a punctuation mark at the end of this sentence. My recommendation would be an exclamation mark.

'2

Samuel Inari' - I'm all for chapter separation in the middle of something but there is no '1' to go with this '2' anywhere that I can see.

'He registered that Samuel was standing there and looked up at him.' - I would stick an adverb in between 'registered' and 'that' just to add some tone or suggest how Adre feels towards Samuel.

'"Where am I?", Adre asked' - You don't need this comma. The comma comes before the speech marks always but in this case you've got speech marks so you don't need the comma at all.

'deep his voice muffled' - I think 'deep' and 'his' are the wrong way around.

'You're in Tyfor's town square.' you haven't ended the speech here.

'now eat him devour so hungry' - 'Now' should have a capital 'N'.

'returned their normal, perfectly human shade of bright blue.' - there should be a 'to' between 'returned' and 'their'.

'How will I get away from the grand-chieftain...' - there should be a question mark after the ellipsis.


Okay, plot stuff now. I haven't read the rest of this but I am intrigued by the idea of a shady area between mortal and demon. I was thinking it was kind of implausible for someone who I'm presuming was human to turn into a full on demon, so the Slayer idea makes sense. I also liked how you referred to Demon-Eye separately from Adre because I'm sure that will come in useful when Adre goes through different stages of the transformation.

Some of the jumps to different places were a little sudden. Perhaps a sentence or two to explain where characters are (just a little bit of setting) would help.

Well done! :)




horrendous says...


thanks for the nitpicks, i'll be sure to fix those in the next draft.

and i see yiur point about sudden POV changes, i'll be sure to add more description when these happen.

as for the grammar regarding Adre's thoughts, i'm keeping it that way. i did it intentionally to create a sense of panic. i've seen Stephen King do it so i think it flies.

thanks for the review!



ExOmelas says...


Ok, that's fine. You're welcome :)




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— blueca