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18+ Language Violence Mature Content

The Pact, Chapter One, Part Three

by horrendous


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

1

Adre drew near the heavy iron gate of Typhor's western wall. He looked up the imposing structure, shielding his eyes from the bright morning sun. Crows flew overhead, as if something dead and rotting lie below them, just waiting to be picked apart.

A solution will present itself. I just have to think logically.

He approached the gate and examined it closely. Oak and iron, not something you could just break down. Adre scanned to the left and right of the gate - nothing but masonry wall for hundreds of yards in either direction. He stepped back and brought his hand to his chin, resting his elbow on his other hand.

Perhaps with my new power...

Suddenly Adre felt like a fool. The barbarians holed up inside Tyfor's walls had just tried to kill him without any provocation, sending a whole ten cavalrymen for just one person. Clearly they wanted him dead very badly.

Adre cupped his hands around his mouth and inhaled deeply.

"Barbarian scum!" he shouted with all the voice he could muster. "Your lives are forfeit! Surrender now or suffer!"

Adre heard, though mutedly, a great many people cry out from the other side of the wall. He crossed his arms.

They sound pissed.

He waited.

2

The remaining attack party came galloping through the gate at full speed.

"Close the gate!", the leader called as he reigned in his steed.

Chieftan Abrand rushed out of his tent in disbelief.

"Leave that fucking gate open!", he commanded. He strode over to one of the cavalrymen and grasped his leg, pulling from his saddle and onto the ground. He stepped on the man's chest, applying a considerable amount of pressure.

"Where's the rest of ya?", he spat.

"D-dead! He killed them!" replied the barbarian, a expression of vacant terror etched into his face.

"Run!", one of the cavalrymen shouted. "We have to get out of here! He's coming!"

"He's only one man! How did he kill so many of you!?", Abrand shouted at the cavalryman.

Suddenly the gates were in motion as panicked barbarians rushed to bar the lone rider from the city. Abrand flushed and hurried over to the men handling the gate.

"I said keep that gate open!" He grabbed one man by the shoulders and threw him to the ground.

"Stay your hands!", Abrand shouted in his voice of command. He was ignored.

"He's coming, Chieftain! We can't let him in!" said one despondent soldier.

The gates clicked heavily into place.

"Cowards!", yelled Abrand, looking around at his men. "We are the Clan of the Jackal! We rape! We murder! We do what we want! The bastard outside this gate is a weakling! An Alliance dog!"

Abrand grasped the handle of the great axe he carried on his back and held it over his head.

"We'll kill 'im and feed 'im to his own kind!"

"He's too powerful!", he heard from the crowd. The dissention was met with nervous approval among the soldiers.

"You damned pansies! Any man who flees will be burned! We're going to kill this maggot and put him on a stake! He'll see what happens when he picks a fight with jackals!

A great roar of approval issued from the gathering crowd of barbarians.

Just then they all heard their opponent call from the other side of the gate. The crowd hushed and listened.

Surrender now or suffer! they heard.

"Let's kill 'im!" Abrand called, and the crowd responded with a deafening rally cry.

The men at the gate began to draw the doors apart. Slowly the massive structure opened and revealed a man in a tan traveling cloak. On his back was an iron greatsword.

"So...," Abrand breathed. "It's him. Very well."

As the barbarians caught sight of their adversary, the rally cry died down and eventually was squelched. Replacing it was an eerie silence as the two opposing forces faced each other down.

"His eyes!", called a soldier. "His eyes are... glowing!"

Whispers permeated the crowd. Abrand stepped forward.

"So fucking what!?", he barked. "We're Jackals! We bring hell to earth!"

3

"We bring hell to earth!", Adre heard the big barbarian yell.

Enough of this. I won't give them time to find their guts.

In a lightning quick movement, he drew his greatsword in one hand and darted forward. The crowd of barbarians bowed inward in an attempt to put space between them and their adversary. Before Adre could reach the crowd, the big barbarian appeared before him and swung down at him with his axe.

Shit!

Adre skidded to a stop and the heavy iron head of the axe smashed into the cobblestone road at his feet.

Too close. I need to be careful with this one.

The barbarian tore his axe from the ground in a forward motion, causing bits of stone to shoot upwards. Adre shielded his eyes too slowly and bits of dirt and debris rocketed into them.

"Damn!", Adre growled. He staggered backward and ran his fingers over his eyeballs, clearing away the debris that was stuck there. When he looked again, the big barbarian was charging him, axe held to the side. Adre took his own weapon in two hands and prepared to defend.

Where will he strike? Adre kept his eyes focused on the axe. The barbarian swung.

From below! Adre turned his sword so it would block the incoming strike. The axe neared, then faded into nothingness. Adre's eyes widened as he watched this happen, and then the axe was on the opposite side of the barbarian, stabbing forward seemingly of its own volition.

how

Adre's normally excellent reflexes faltered momentarily, and the axe impacted his chest full force.

what just

He was thrown backward and his wind was knocked from his chest. He landed on his back and then the big barbarian was again upon him. He stood over Adre with his axe upraised.

shit

Adre looked up, facing his own execution. Then time seemed to slow down, further and further until it stopped, and the world took on blood red and deathly black hues. Adre was frozen in place, save for his eyes, which darted to and fro in panic. The silky voice of his mysterious benefactor returned in his head.

I had high hopes for you, soldier, and it seems you're determined to disappoint. Perhaps you need to taste the power of a fully formed servant of the low king. Prepare yourself, soldier, because this isn't going to tickle.

Time suddenly returned to normal and Adre's body began to convulse. Veins stuck out from skin as he shook uncontrollably, his eyes turning up in his head and his back arching. The big barbarian looked on in confusion, his axe still poised to strike.

Adre loosed a deep scream that echoed from the walls of the city and reverberated back. Then his body went still. His eyes closed and he released the hilt of his greatsword.

4

"A seizure... what a weakling," spoke Abrand, then swung down. The axe made it to just above the Alliance soldier's chest when his eyes opened. His hands became a blur and then were on either side of the blade, pressing inward and stopping its momentum completely. Abrand looked on in stunned silence.

Impossible... I had him dead to rights. The soldier's back began to lift off the ground and he levitated to his feet, his hands still pressed to either side of the axe head. Abrand tried yanking it away, but it budged not an inch. It was as solid as if it were buried into a stump.

The soldier's eyes glowed red and smoked drifted from them lazily. His teeth were bared and his face was contorted, as though he were struggling hold back a great force.

What is this?

Shocked gasps ran through the crowd of barbarians, and then they were stampeding away from the soldier, screaming and yelling. Abrand looked around.

"Cowards!" Abrand looked back and saw the axe head begin to crack under the pressure of the soldier's hands.

"No... no!" howled Abrand and began to stagger backward. He watched the soldier crush the head of the axe between his hands and it crumble to the ground. He was groaning loudly in many voices which overlapped and harmonized. Abrand was awestruck; he froze in place, unable to tear his eyes from the horror before him.

5

Adre knew much pain as his body struggled to contain the massive influx of energy.

What's... happening!? This is... too much!

He felt the strength of a thousand men flowing through him, and he thought that somehow, he was drawing it from many souls. He felt them vie for control of his body and, although he was able to quell them, it was only with great effort.

Adre brought his hands down and gave one final howl, and many of the souls now inhabiting his body joined in, creating a terrible chorus.

Finally Adre was able to assert control of his body. He made tight fists and breathed slowly, deeply.

hungry

He looked up and saw the big barbarian watching him.

eat him

No! I can't!

hungry eat him devour

Adre recalled the taste of his own blood and was simultaneously excited and disgusted. His eyes focused intensely on the big barbarian, who was now picking up a halberd left by one of the fleeing soldiers.

must eat so hungry

I won't!

The big barbarian turned and faced Adre.

"Hark, demon! This is the end of you!", he called.

Adre look down and saw his great sword lying at his feet. He knelt and picked it up, then stood.

The big barbarian charged. Adre looked at him and let his arms hang limply, a loose grip on his sword.

I can see his every movement.

The barbarian ran full force with the halberd held in both hands at his side.

Adre analyzed every detail of what his eyes were taking in and realized he could easily predict his opponent's next move.

His arms... he's going to stab upward.

The barbarian was within melee distance and swung his weapon. Adre watched and understood what was going to happen next.

The halberd faded from sight in mid swing. Adre's eyes darted to the opposide side of the barbarian and watched the halberd materialize, thrusting at his face.

It's so clear now.

He swung upward. The head of the halberd disappeared into the air and the barbarian was left holding a pole out at his adversary.

now eat him must eat it hurts

Adre realized that his body was aching and had been for some time. The pain was getting worse with every second.

eat EAT MUST EAT

I...I...

I will eat!

Adre's face became that of a predator, his teeth bared and his eyes focoused. He sprang forward, pushing the pole out of his way and tackling the barbarian.

yes... now devour

6

Abrand landed on his back with the demon on top of him.

How did he know!? He wasn't that fast before! Oh fuck fuck fuck.

He watched the soldier open his mouth, as if he were preparing to bite down.

"You won't taste my flesh, maggot!"

Abrand brought his legs to his chest and shoved them forward, connecting with the demon's chest and pushing him away. He rolled backward and stood. The demon landed on his back, lifted his legs and shoved himself off the ground, landing on his feet. The look of intensity in the demon's face sent chills down Abrand's spine. He looked around at the ground and saw a longsword lying at his feet. He snatched it up, and when he looked back up, the demon was rushing him.

I've got to time this right!

He reversed his grip on the sword, brought it over his head and slammed it downward. He saw it sink deep into the demon's back as he crashed into him. Abrand was thrown onto his back with the demon straddling him and howling in that awful chorus. He knocked Abrand's hand loose from his grip on the sword and reached behind him, grasping the pommel and ripping it from his back. He looked down at Abrand, his eyes burning a deep crimson.

"Eat... must eat..."

This thing can't be killed... so this is it.

Abrand spat into his killer's face. "I'll see you in Hades, demon spawn."

The demon smiled. "Yes."

He opened his mouth and lunged downward, biting Abrand's neck and severing the major arteries and veins. Abrand screamed and felt his consciousness slowly fade.

this is it the end hades take me i'm ready to go ho

7

Adre ripped flesh from the barbarian's throat and lifted his head up, snapping it into his mouth. He chewed quickly, ravenously, and swallowed.

yes food it tastes so good more MORE

He looked disgustedly down at his victim.

No more... I can't...

MORE

NO!

Adre stood and backed away from the corpse.

NO MUST EAT SO HUNGRY

Adre put his face in his hands, feeling dizzy and struggling to keep his balance.

"I CAN'T!", he screamed, and then he was in blackness.


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87 Reviews


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Sun Jul 27, 2014 2:19 pm
Alchemist wrote a review...



Heya! I'm finally here on this beautiful review day to give feedback on a novel I've adopted! :D

There is one thing that bothers me though: what are barbarians doing inside the city? This is an indeed strange thing, they are usually only rampaging around and never settling down. You sure about that. Also, the other barbarian-servants doesn't seem very barbarian-like at all.

Abrand on the other hand was awesome. I'm so sad he was killed so fast, his personality was strongly displayed here and I actually really connected with him.

First he was a real leader. He woudln't bow down before the demon for the sake of leading his own people. He was also a real barbarian. I can see him rushing with an insanely large axe towards a being with gleaming eyes who just slaughtered his brothers. He was just a picture of how barbarian should look like. Well, the best of all, he was real, almost touchable. I'm so sad you killed him. Well, maybe you had some plans for him anyway? XD

He was even graceful in defeat. "See you in Hades" oh that was beautiful too.

Well, this new influx of power was also good. I can almost hear thousand souls screaming from an arching demon with gleaming eyes. Also, all the itallics were awesome.

Last, I think the structure of your work is rather good for a fantasy novel. The thing you did here: giving us the insight on both sides was really good and fun to read instead of a one sided protagonist picture that we usually have.

Well, the plot here was interesting too, a guy singlehandedly sieging the fortified town full of barbarians. This was original and fun to read!

-Alchemist




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Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:05 pm
WallFlower wrote a review...



Hi :) WallFlower here.

Just like the last chapter, I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter as well. Your writing style is gripping, and I love it. i also love your characterization. Great job!

I found no grammatical errors, but I did have one question.

In between 6 and 7, what happened? I felt like the story skipped over a whole section. One moment Adre is about to die, the nest he is devouring Abrand. I don't understand how that happened.

Other than that, I love every aspect of this story and hope to read more. Thank you.

~WallFlower
Happy Review Day!




horrendous says...


Adre had the upper hand at the end of 6. Abrand had stabbed him in the back but it wasn't enough to even slow Adre down, since Hades had granted him temporary full Slayer powers.

i'm glad you enjoyed the story, thanks for the review and have a great day!



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Sun Jun 29, 2014 8:58 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



'as if something dead and rotting lie below them' - 'lie' should be 'lay'.

'pulling from his saddle and onto the ground' - there should be a 'him' between 'pulling' and 'from'.

'as though he were struggling hold back a great force.' - there should be a 'to' between 'struggling' and 'hold'.

'He watched the soldier crush the head of the axe between his hands and it crumble to the ground.' - 'crumble' should be 'crumbled'.


Okay, I understand the grammar stuff in Adre's thoughts a lot more this time. I didn't realise this part was in the green room or else I'd have read them in the right order :P

I love your characterisation. You make the reader feel sympathy for both characters which then made the reader simply furious at the injustice of it all.

I honestly don't have a fault for this except: You keep putting a comma after speech marks. That is not necessary. Stop comma splicing. Stahp it! ;)

Well done! :)




horrendous says...


oh haha, woops. my grammar is crap sometimes, i'll get rid of those pesky commas in the next draft. and thanks for all the nitpicks.



ExOmelas says...


You're welcome :)



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Sun Jun 29, 2014 8:56 pm
MaryEvans wrote a review...



I'll start off with a few nitpicks:

“He looked up the imposing structure, shielding his eyes from the bright morning sun.” I feel it should be the other way around. He shielded as he looked up.

I don’t think his thoughts are really necessary. You can say them just as easily through the general narration.

“He approached the gate and examined it closely.” You already implied he approached it earlier. Just say he examined it with a gaze or something, though he did that too. So yeah you kind of covered that up above. You can just add examined somewhere in there and you’re set.

“He stepped back and brought his hand to his chin, resting his elbow on his other hand.” Too detailed. Just say brought a hand to his chin. You tend to do that a lot, write too elaborate about every movement of every limb. It’s good to give detail but keep it moderate. Same for dialogue. Read it out-loud and see if all is necessary.

I think 2 is a bit too long. You can cut down a lot on the back and forths of screams and yells and arguments.

The fight scene is good (again a bit too detailed here and there), the only issue is his outlined thoughts interrupting it. Include them, just as part of the text. Like “he wondered where the strike would come from. Down.”

Else cool. I like demons. And you have a steady dose of action. Just try to not be too... elaborate. And look over the dialogue, not all of it is necessary I feel. Finally the thought bubbles. Too many of those and since they are outlined/stand out from the rest of the text it tends to break up the flow. And you don't want that in the middle of your awesome fight scene. Just say them through narration instead.

So that's it. Keep up the good work.




horrendous says...


alright, thanks for the tip. i'm still learning how to narrate fight scenes so i'm glad you commented on that, i'll try it in the next draft. and probably clean up some uneccessary dialogue.

as for being too detailed, i've never heard that and never noticed it before so thanks for beinging it to my attention. i'll try to be more concise from now on.

thanks for the review!



MaryEvans says...


Your fight scenes are actually pretty good. I think I said that. It's just the character thoughts that get in the way sometimes. As I mentioned, thought bubbles stand out, which breaks the flow, and you really want the text to flow smoothly in fight scenes.



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Sun Jun 29, 2014 1:56 am
AdmiralKat wrote a review...



Hello! KatyaElefant here to review! Happy Review Day!

NITPICK 1:

Spoiler! :
Chieftan Abrand rushed out of his tent in disbelief.

I believe that chieftain is spelled wrong here.


NITPICK 2:
Spoiler! :
Slowly the massive structure opened and revealed a man in a tan traveling cloak. On his back was an iron greatsword.
Separate great and sword here. If you want it to be combined then you need to capitalize it. I understand the effect you are try to make here.[spoiler]

NITPICK 3:
[spoiler]
Adre's eyes darted to the opposide side of the barbarian and watched the halberd materialize, thrusting at his face.
Opposite is spelled wrong here.


NITPICK 4:
Spoiler! :
Adre's face became that of a predator, his teeth bared and his eyes focoused.
Focused is spelled wrong here.


NITPICK 5:
Spoiler! :
this is it the end hades take me i'm ready to go ho
You need to capitalize this sentence, Hades and I'm. (just because this is a thought doesn't mean grammar does not apply..)


I love this story just as much as the last one. The imagery as usual is amazing! I just love LOVE it! Yesh! The cannibalism is perfect! I have to say you have created a masterpiece up and here. I enjoyed this piece. (favorite part is part 7) Thank you for making this. Keep writing! Tell me when the next piece comes out! :D




horrendous says...


thanks so much for the great review. have you read the previous chapter?

i love it when people give me nitpicks, it helps me find errors i miss in editing.

about Abrand's final thought, i intentionally used improper grammar because i wanted to create a sense of panic and desperation. i've seen Stephen King do it and i kinda just started doing it myself.

i'm so happy you love this chapter! it's great getting such positive feedback, reviews like this encourage me to write more. i'm about halfway through writing the first draft. i sometimes lose interest but then someone like you comes along and gives me the spark again. thank you!




In any free society, the conflict between social conformity and individual liberty is permanent, unresolvable, and necessary.
— Kathleen Norris