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Hellfire's Pryde: Chapter Four

by KnightTeen


I cried when I wrote the end of this. I'm not exactly sure why. It's not the real end, not yet. But it kind of feels that way. This is the point where it stops being so much based on the comics and starts to transition over to the films. And that's kind of weird.

Did I think that Kitty would be this popular when I first started writing her two years ago (yes, it's been that long)? No, I had no idea. It still amazes me sometimes when I log on and check my stats and realize that the entire series as a whole has gotten over 1K hits.

So thank you, to whoever is reading this, for sticking with me. Thank you for supporting me, because without people like you I wouldn't still be writing and this series would be shelved in some dark corner of my mind.

I want to dedicate this chapter to my friend Dakota. We haven't known each other for very long, but no matter what he always finds a way to tell me that I am beautiful and awesome even when I feel anything but.

Isn't it amazing how life is one thing, and then in an instant, it becomes something else?*

Because here I am, a year later. And so much has changed since that day.

We won the battle, naturally. Even with Xavier and Jean down for the count, once I freed the rest of our people, Hellfire didn't stand a chance. They left the mansion with their tails between their legs. I didn't go with them.

To my eternal surprise, my petition went through to the judge, who granted it after several court hearings. Carmen and Theresa didn't contest it, which must have helped the process. Carmen still calls me every week to check on how I'm doing, and now that he lives in Virginia I visit him sometimes whenever their is a holiday. Theresa hasn't spoken to me since our last court date, however. And honestly, I don't think she ever will.

It hurts. I know that it's my fault, but it still hurts me to know that I have finally done something that she won't be able to forgive me for.

There are days when I wonder what would have happened if I had never filed those documents. But I don't dwell on those thoughts for long.

I have things to distract me.

Kurt, for one.

We still haven't told anyone about our relationship. I'm surprised that no one has guessed yet, however, since we are either always touching or he is making faces when other men touch me. We're so close, that to not be touching when we are in a room together feels strange. When I am not with Piotr, I am with my brother.

Piotr.

With a year come and gone, I am sixteen now, and he is twenty-one. Many people have given us odd looks and said things to us when we are together, but we don't care. It's not like we are doing anything wrong. We're not having sex, hell, we're hardly ever alone together anymore. And we've never talked about our relationship. It's not a defined, I'm your girl, you're my guy, kind of thing. We're faithful to each other, sure, but beyond that we don't need clarification of what we are.

And when I say that we are rarely alone together, I mean it. In the past year, Xavier has been recruiting people from around the globe to come and attend his 'school for the gifted'. Hardly any of the parents know what we really are, and the majority of them, like Carmen and Theresa, have no idea that any of us are mutants. It will be that way for a while, until people become more accepting of us.

The mansion is as crowded and noisy as Hellfire now, but it's a good kind of crowded. And it's nice not to be the youngest official student anymore, although Illyana remains the youngest person at the mansion.

With all of the new students, the Professor had to hire new teachers, friends of his from 'The Old Days'.

Hank McCoy

Sean Cassidy

Alex Summers, Scott's brother.

His old flame Moria McTaggert comes in sometimes to assist with the science classes or help Hank in the medbay (he's a doctor), but for the most part she stays in her home on Muir Island.

Sometimes some of the Avengers come in to teach the students, although it's not often.

We're an actual school now, with classes and schedules and chores. Since I've already graduated, I help with the classes instead of studying for them. It feels a little weird to be teaching people older than I am, but they listen to me, so I guess it's okay.

Everything was perfect.

Too perfect.

Which is why when Scott and some of the others got called out on a retrieval mission, my senses started tingling, and I almost felt kind of relieved. I was aching for some action, some adventure, some anything to break the mundane cycle that we were currently living in.

And that something was the girl, who was either my age or a little bit older who was currently clinging to Jean like she was a life line. There was another unfirmilar mutant with her, but she was the key to whatever was coming next.

I walked over to stand in front of her and stuck my hand out in greeting. She immediately shied away, as if she were afraid of me.

I spoke to her gently, "I'm Kitty. What's your name?"

There was a brief silence while we all stood in the corridor waiting for her to speak. I could tell from the way that she was shuffling her feet that she was looking at her companion, as if asking for permission. Apparently whatever silent signal he gave her told her that telling me her name would be alright.

"I'm Rogue."

"It's nice to meet you." I replied.

Finis


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286 Reviews


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Sun Jun 29, 2014 3:04 pm
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AstralHunter wrote a review...



Guter Tag. (Same as earlier :D )

This chapter is much shorter than the previous one. *frowns* Oh well, more analysing, then.

I appreciate how you leave what happened after the battle open to the reader's imagination - mostly. I think you succeeded in portraying Kitty as content with her new life, but also thirsting for adventure. Many of us feel like that after completing something momentous, I think. Like when you finish a series.

I have no idea about what this petition is, but that is my fault,not yours, so do not worry about it.

As for Piotr and Kurt, I am hopelessly confused. You write like Kitty and Kurt (hmm, alliteration) are lovers, yet when you mention Piotr, it seems as if they are siblings and she and Piotr are lovers. How does that make any sense? Please clarify.

Carmen still calls me every week to check on how I'm doing, and now that he lives in Virginia I visit him sometimes whenever their is a holiday.

Another missing comma! Call the po- Wait, what? Isn't Carmen traditionally a female name? I know Carmine can be male. :s

...since we are either always touching or he is making faces when other men touch me.

How does Kitty know that if she's blind?

We're faithful to each other, sure, but beyond that we don't need clarification of what we are.

911, what's your emergency? A comma is missing!

Many people have given us odd looks...

I assume Piotr informed Kitty. If not... blind.

Sometimes some of the Avengers come in to teach the students, although it's not often.

:thud: The things with which you comic fans come up...

Everything was perfect.

Too perfect.

I literally sighed when I read this. Does she not know that saying that is just asking the universe to spoil things?

"It's nice to meet you." I replied.

For a concluding sentence, this is rather lacklustre. I assume only people who already know who this "Rogue" (never trust someone with such a name) is will understand. (I'm strictly a fantasy person, so I usually ignore Sci-Fi. Except when the two marry, have a child and call it "Science Fantasy". And no, I did not just make that genre up.)


This chapter was alright. I assume it will mean more to actual followers of the series, but anyway... Congratulations on finishing your novella!

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Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:13 pm
TimmyJake wrote a review...



Timmmy here for a review, and what seems like your last piece for Kitty...
...Unless you are starting a new one for this Rogue. She seems like a character that you could mold very well. And, even though I have not watched the movies, her name does sound familiar. From the movies, maybe? Or perhaps just the comics?

This was a shorter piece than the rest, and seemed to me more like an epilogue. More like the ending of Mockingjay. A short chapter to wrap up everything beautiful, ready for reading. Sometime to tie off all the loose ends. And you did it spectacularly.

This was more of a narrative piece, too. Unlike the rest of your pieces, really. In the others, its action, action, actions. Go, go go!. In this one, there seems to be a certain sense of calmness. But to me it seems like it is merely the eye of the storm, and there will be bad times coming once again. There always are. How else could we continue writing about our characters? If they were like normal people and lived normal lives, they wouldn't be as appealing to us, and we wouldn't write about them.
Soo... We give them something to do. :D


it becomes something else?*


That little thingy shouldn't be there after the quotation mark.

whenever their is a holiday


You are using the possessive form of their in that sentence. Use there, instead.

Theresa hasn't spoken to me since our last court date, however. And honestly, I don't think she ever will.


Now just bear with me here. This is totally stylistic nitpick, but I thought I would mention it anyway. However seems too much like a word used in an essay. Something that is used when stating a formal point, trying to bear the look of a professional. Not a teenager word. I think you could ditch that word and simple say those two sentences like this:
Theresa hasn't spoken to me since our last court date. But honestly, I don't think she ever will.


Like I said earlier. Just a stylistic nitpick. Feel free to ignore. ;)

It hurts. I know that it's my fault, but it still hurts me to know that I have finally done something that she won't be able to forgive me for.

There are days when I wonder what would have happened if I had never filed those documents. But I don't dwell on those thoughts for long.

I have things to distract me.

Kurt, for one.


So here I might ramble on for a minute, but just bear with me. :) Something that I found in this piece that I didn't find as much in your other pieces are short paragraphs. Not only short paragraphs, though, but incomplete paragraphs, where the other half is left on its own afterwards.

Think of a paragraph as its own separate idea. Almost like an extremely long sentence, in fact. Even thought the prescribed length for a paragraph is three to four sentences, one can range from one to fourteen thousand sentences. It all depends on the idea. How long it takes to express it.

So rambling on--out!

There are days when I wonder what would have happened if I had never filed those documents.


This sentence gives me the image of a small child and a spoon of icecream. You have just given the child one teensy taste of the ice-cream, and am now dangling it above his head--just out of reach. I want to know why she wondered! I want to know what she was wondering? Remember that if your paragraph seems too short, there may be a reason. Perhaps you need to express more of that idea?

When I am not with Piotr, I am with my brother.


Kurt is her brother, right? I think you should switch around the names here. Make it something like this:

When I am not with Kurt(or my brother, you choose. :D), I am with Piotr.





hell, we're hardly ever alone together anymore.


I think that this should be its own individual sentence.

Hank McCoy

Sean Cassidy

Alex Summers, Scott's brother.


This part seems like she is just reading off a list, like an essay. Perhaps not three lines but more like three individual sentences? Perhaps:

Hank McCoy. Sean Cassidy. Alex Summers--none of whom I know.


Again, stylistic nitpick. Feel free to ignore.

Sometimes some of the Avengers come


Two Some make some redundancy. O_o Avengers? Captain America is teaching a class? Awesome. :)

and I almost felt kind of relieved.


Not only did this part seem not very smooth, but it also sounded like she wasn't sure about that. She said, kind of relieved. Not relieved. Kind of, like she wasn't sure. And then you said almost, too. Is she relieved or is she not? The way it is worded makes it seem very confusing.

some adventure, some anything to break the mundane cycle that we were currently living in.


I would simply put adventure a double hyphen thingy(don't know its actual name. :P) and make it something like this:

Some adventure--anything to break the mundane cycle that we were currently living in.


Another stylistic nitpick, which you can feel free to ignore. :D

that we were currently living in.

And that something was the girl, who was either my age or a little bit older who was currently clinging


The two "currently" installs redundancy.

who was currently clinging to Jean like she was a life line.


There is that... And then there is.

she was shuffling her feet that she was looking at her companion, as if asking for permission. Apparently whatever silent signal he gave


The first part refers to a woman as her companion, or at least the person she is with. And then in the second part, she asks permission from a man, who you state that he is her companion. I may just be reading this whole thing improperly, but it sure sounded confusing to me. Is her companion a man or a woman? And who is Jean? Wait... Is she a character I met in the other chapters? I am sorry. I have remembered the big characters, but its been a while since I saw the others, so I may have forgotten them. But anyway, there needs to be a sense of continuation through this part, not like there are two different pieces.

signal he gave her told her that telling me her name would be alright.


Gave her told her doesn't roll off the tongue very well. Perhaps pull out the first her?



Finis


And that is the end? No more Kitty Hyde? She is going to remain in your brain forever, with only a small part of her actually showing herself outside? Come on, am I gonna get more of her? :D

I am excited now. She is starting to teach, and stuff is starting to happen again. For a minute, I thought her life had turned to paths of roses, but now I have found that the roses have thorns on them. She is going to have to fight her way through, just like she always did.

Something tells me that she is gonna have an apprentice, or someone similar. Rogue, perhaps? You don't tell much about her, only a small glimpse of her character. It is almost as if you want to save her personality for something else. Like you are introducing us to the character, so that we want more when you write something on Rogue. Am I right?
Please tell me you are gonna post more of this! :D

I love how you dedicated your writing. I think all writers should dedicate their works, so that they have someone they are writing it for.

One small thing that I though didn't look quite right. I always see the first few sentences of my fiction kind of like those of an essay. Something to hook the reader immediately and draw them in. Now your first sentences do that perfectly, but not with that long Authors note there to block the path. Perhaps put it in a spoiler so that it will be read by those who are interested?

You cried? Of course you did. Finishing this was probably like saying good-bye to an old friend. One that has been there for two years now. I thought I was a weirdy by sticking to my piece for about that long now, but I am not the only fish in the sea with that syndrome! I was very happy to find out that you stuck with Kitty. To tell you the truth, I am a little fond of her as well. :)

And don't thank me for reading it...
Let me thank you for writing this. And if this is truly the ending of Kitty Hyde for me, just know that you brought her to life in an amazing way. Thank you for writing this beautiful story. :)

I hope this longer review makes up for its delay. ;)

~Darth Timmyjake




KnightTeen says...


Kitty is still going to be my main character, but I am introducing secondary ones now.

Thanks for all the helpful comments, I can't wait to tackle the editing for this one!

The asterisk on that one thing is supposed to be there, since that is a direct quote from another work that is not mine (I forgot to mention that.)

You are soooo going to get more of Pryde. In fact, I am already writing the next book, which I hope is going to be longer than the previous ones.

Thanks so much for sticking with me Timmy, you've been a great friend and an even more awesome reviewer!



timmyjake says...


Awww.... you're welcome. :) I love reading your stories.
I am going to get moreeee!!! :D




You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author