"Out oars! Back oars!" Stefan shouted. The Rolphin slid gracefully through the water creaking only a little more than normal. The Chaser along with two another merchant vessels copied its maneuvers. Soon the boats were pointing their prows toward the mouth of New Hackolm's wide harbor.
"Forward oars. Ulf and Harald raise the sails. Rolf and Rollin, standby to trim the sails. Point her head northeast at Catania." The crew obeyed instantly
The Rolphin, surged ahead of the three other ships. The Chaser fell in along-side them. The Ivan and the Sealion sailed behind them. The Ivan was a trader from Caspia. The Sealion was a Sardinian ship carrying goods from Elithia back to Sardinia. Both of them had hired the Rolphin as protection as far as Catania. The Chaser as you may already know had an agreement to supply the crew of the Rolphin with coffee in exchange for protection.
"Rolf and Rollin, trim the sails so that we are running parrallel to the coast."
"Yes sir." they replied promptly. They worked well to doing their task quickly.
"The two twins have come a long way in year and a half we have spent here in Elithia." Stefan remarked softly to Cnut who had walked over and now stood his side. "They never quarrel while they are on duty as was their habit before."
"Yes I was thinking the same thing. Perhaps our adventure has made them more mature. Loosing Arnulf and Wulf was enough to sober anyone. Gunther and Harald are fine fellows to be sure. But they haven't tasted battle so far."
"It was my fault Wulf and Arnulf died. I should never have had the crew walk into the alley. We were clearly at a disadvantage. But I can't change that now."
"Don't blame yourself. That is one of the worse things you can do. In fact it is a miracle more of us didn't die. If it weren't for the good discipline you kept we might have lost two or three more of our men. I say what is that? It looks like a whale of some sort or other though I can't quite tell at this distance. To bad we forgot the glasses. We could use them now. That might be a pirate ship."
"Nay. It isn't a ship. It seemed to disappear. That's impossible for a ship."
That night they pulled into a small bay along the Elithian coast. The next day the little fleet would had north to Catania. Rollo set about cooking dinner right away. He was a fabulous cook as was Sigberht. But Rollo was favored over Sigberht. That night Sigberht cooked a stew. It was made from a deer Sveyn had shot and a small store of vegetables they had onboard the Rolphin.
"The meal is fabulous as usual Rollo." Sigurd the navigator for the Rolphin said. "I wonder at you for refusing half a dozen jarls and even a king's request to be their own personal cook but instead chose to stay here and cook for us."
"I would much rather cook for my friends without getting paid much than work for some random person who I don't know and get paid lots of money."
"For that we should all be thankful." Stefan said. "Two cheers for Sigurd."
"Why not three?" Cnut asked. "Is that not the proper number of cheers?"
"Oh yes! Well who cares? After all giving him him only two cheers means our thankfulness is unique. Come on and give him and Sigberht two cheers each!"
The men cheered heartily with a good deal of laughing interspersed with it.
"Now why don't we all clean up for Rollo this evening to show him our oh–" "Perhaps thank would be the best word to use." Cnut suggested to Stefan.
"Yes. That, appreciation, and gratitude would be good words. Let's get to it."
With that the whole crew save those who were still eating got up and began to help with the tedious job of cleaning up. After that most just sat around the fire talking amongst themselves. Cut sat down beside Stefan on a rough log.
"Do you think we should set a watch tonight or not. We're in friendly waters."
"There's no need to set a watch. That's another matter when we get out to sea but for now we can afforded to be a little lax. The crew might need the rest later on in the near future. But look the Chaser is signaling something to us."
"What is the signal Edwin?" Cnut asked the Rolphin's unofficial lookout.
"They're sending three men ashore with our ration of coffee for tomorrow."
"Good! Bjorne, Cedric, and Alfred; I want you to go and pick it up alright?"
The three of them nodded their heads. When the small skiff was beached they rose and walked over to it. With the help of the three men aboard they were able to unload the coffee and take it into camp. Then they themselves transferred it into the hull of the Rolphin along with with all their other supplies.
"Well I think it's about time for me to hit the sack." Rolf said in a groggy tone.
"Good! Perhaps it will allow you to know what it's like when you hit me." said Rollin. This rejoinder was followed by a roar of laughter. Rolf's face reddened at the insult. He was about to retort but thought better of it when he saw the form of Gündar standing above him. He crawled over to his plaid blanket glan-cing around like a rat in a corner. He lay there a long time plotting his revenge.
One by one the crew members of the Rolphin decided to "hit the sack" until at last only Cnut and Sveyn remained awake. Sitting by the fire watching as it slowly disintegrated into ash. After a while Cnut rose to go gather kindling.
"I'll build the fire back up before I go to bed you may go to sleep now if y' like."
"I certainly will. I am dog tired. I was thinking of Sutem and Kutera. I guess I got lost somewhere on the everlasting "Train of Thoughts". I sure do miss them. I wish they could have stayed with us instead of going off back to their home."
"Yes. It must be harder for you because you were so closely attached to both of them; especially Sutem. By the way how has your archery and oh a was it knife throwing been going. I suppose you've been practicing them every day."
"Yes. I can shoot a running hare from at least eighty yards with my recurve. With the knife I can throw accurately up to twenty or thirty paces. Overall I am doing well enough. But I am still years away from getting as good a Kutera."
"Well even Sutem is barely as good as his mentor. So I don't expect you to be half as good as Sutem or Kutera. But it's getting late you'd best get to sleep."
With that Sveyn rolled up in his blanket to keep the cool spring breeze out, while Cnut picked up several logs and twigs to build up the fire. Soon the flames began to spring up again and the twigs crackled. But aside from an occasional crackle of the fire and the snoring of the men all was silent in the campsite.
End of chapter
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Hello again r4p, Wolf here for another review.
So I have just gotten finished reading your other work, The Secret Project. Now I am extremely confused. Are these supposed to be connected? I'm guessing they are since all the names are the same, but I am confused on why. If anything, you should finish which ever one comes first before you start the other. Who knows, you may decide to change something that will completely throw this out if proportion.
Now, I know in the last review I rambled on about commas (sorry about that, I get extremely passionate when they are under or misused), but I've seemed to miss a few points that I notice here. So here are two spots where commas are missing that need to be there:
Here, the comma in brackets is the one that was inserted by me. So, it was not there before. A comma is needed here, why? Well, add a pronoun in front of the verb and change the verb ending to past tense, and voila you have a sentence. Here, it is just changed up a little to become a dependent clause (something I explained in my comma spiel). In most cases, if a dependent clause goes right after an independent clause, no comma is needed, but here is an exception. Here, it doesn't really make sense without a comma.
Alright, this is another spot was is missing commas, only here was missing two rather than one. If the phrase inside the commas was removed, then the sentence still makes sense, right? Lets see:
The Chaser copied its maneuvers.
Ding, Ding, Ding! See, thats why the commas are needed. Be careful for spots like that. This is the end of comma spiel, version two!
Pretty much everything else that I mentioned in the last review applies here. Balancing actions with other aspects, adding descriptions, etc., etc. Though, I was quite confused. In the last portion (if these are truly connected) the people struck me as kids, eleven or twelve at the most. Though here, they appear to be grown men, and it only says two years have passed. I guess some editing to fix this might have to be done on the other work if this is really a problem.
Anyway, this was also kind of a dump of all this information. All these people in the story were just thrown at us, the readers. Though, again, we are given really nothing about their looks or personalities. They interact like they are robots, and well, their dialogue shows hardly any emotion. That's okay though! The first step to creating realistic characters is seeing how unrealistic the ones that are there are.
Please don't that this the wrong way, and think I'm being mean and trying to make you feel bad. Honestly, my intentions are only to help you. If I hurt your feelings, I'm sorry, but you have some potential. With some hard work and some addition, this could become something great! (Sorry if stuff is repeated, I wrote this a while ago) Keep Writing,
~Wolfare
The other chapter you read was the first chapter of the first book in this series. This is the first of the second. I don't plan on posting any more of the first one on here though I will keep posting this one. It may help if you were to read the first book to understand the character's personalities.
I find this story interesting. You clearly have a wide knowledge of boats and this almost reminds me of Moby Dick. But I think that Moby Dick was one of the most boring books on the face of this earth (no offense Herman Melville). There are certainly a lot of characters and I think one of the most difficult parts of the book for you might be juggling them. Also, I realize that this is only the first chapter and you did set the scene very well but I don't see much of a plot forming.
Keep up the good work!
-FluttershyFan
Hi there!
This is well written, and full of characters. But this chapter alone doesn't say much about your plot, which I would like to know. I mean, even most of the published books have a short plot summary on their backs.
So lack of anything interesting happening is what bothered me the most here. If I had the idea about the plot though, it wouldn't be nearly as hard to read this introduction chapter, which you've done very well.
Also, personally, I don't like the on-ship advantures very much in particular. It takes way too much time and is already worn out describing how the crew is steering the ship. If I had a ship story it would either be about a magical ship that goes by itself or a mysterious crew that doesn't need to talk about what they do; those descriptions are just used too much and too often. But you didn't overdo it, it was acceptable.
Nice job, keep writing
-Alchemist
Thanks for the review, Alchemist. There is something important that happens in the next chapter by the way. I am glad you liked the story
Good! It is sometimes really hard to judge by the one chapter, so I'm looking forward to the next one, you can also tell me when it's out.
It's out now!