Dali ekphrasis poem

Hello! Scarlet here for review!

I really love the painting, I've never heard of the artist but now I love him!

Disappointingly, the poem was short and I wish I could've read more.
Otherwise it's really good.

There are no grammar issues but maybe a few punctual so I suggest going through there and fixing it.

The lines

'With constant momentum

As death takes what is his.

The sky cracks as the world tumbles'

Stand out to be, I really liked how they sounded and rolled off the tongue.


Thumbs Up!



Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde


Writer, Artist, Student and Reader

Um, yep, came here because I am a big fan of Dali. I know this clock painting is very famous, but I'm more of a fan of his long-legged elephant creatures. Anyway, with a love of Dali in my heart, I jump into your poem.

(by the way, is the little poem at the end supposed to be part of it, or is it paired with a different picture that you forgot to include?)

I have to agree with the previous reviewer that one of the best moments in this poem is your set of three lines about the sun rising and setting and death taking what is his. The painting, though full of different objects, seems very empty because of the big landscape, and when paired with your line, it feels like death has come in and taken everything out of the picture and left us with what we see.

The other part I really appreciated was the last three lines. I feel like you didn't need to say "ruins", because you are describing the barren place in the previous lines, but I liked the way the wind opened the image of the poem and made it feel even MORE open, and also how you trickled to an end the way it feels time is trickling to a stop.

The other lines, however, could all definitely be stronger!

I don't think just saying the word "dream" evokes the dream like quality of Dali's works. You'll have to be more subtle than that. It's like showing v. telling. Right now you're telling us it's a dream, but can you show us it's a dream using different words and images?

As for "the sky cracks", that would make me think of thunder and rain, which is kind of out of place in such a dry painting. Maybe the word "crumble" would work nicely, and it would also rhyme with the end of that line -- tumble. Again, with the phrase "barren waste land", I'm wondering if you could SHOW us that -- what makes a place a barren waste land? Instead of just telling us and expecting us to fill it in for ourselves --would make a much richer poem, I believe.

Anyway, I like this attempt! I hope my suggestions are helpful for you, too~
PM me if you have any questions/comments about my review.
Good luck and keep writing!
Hannah

I like this a lot. Salvador Dali is one of my favorite artists, and this is my favorite painting that he has done.

Your interpretation of this work was amazing, really captured the feeling of the painting. Great word choices. These lines really stood out as capturing the essence of the painting for me:

"The sun sets and rises

With constant momentum

As death takes what is his."

It gives a feeling of stasis within movement, of the inevitability of the cycles of life and death. Also a certain sense of meaninglessness in the context of a single human life. The world is vast and moves without regard to the individual.

I was left wishing this piece was longer - really enjoyed it! I would be curious as to whether you have done any similar pieces inspired by other works? It makes me want to try this as well.

Please let me know if you have any other pieces like this and I look forward to checking out more of your writing!

Keep up the great work : )