What if the life we lived in was a dream?
When you’re dreaming, everything you do feels real until you wake up. You feel each tear as it slides down your face, each breath as it leaves your lips, hear each flutter, each scrape of leaf on twig as if it were truly happening. The awakening is as harsh as it is peaceful. First, the edges become fuzzy as you start to realize that you’re in a fantasy. Once you come to that realization, the world rushes in around you and you wake up on your bed, or on your couch, or on the ground.
But every moment spent in that fantasy land feels like it is actually occurring.
I had a thought once, a daydream, about a girl with raven hair who had a best friend named Roger. She and Roger had been close ever since they were babies, but on the girl’s 11th birthday, there was an accident. The girl fell into a coma, and when she awoke a year later, her mind was still in her own fantasy world. She had a family, loving parents, close friends, even a puppy named Sprout.
In the real world, the girl moved and talked and laughed with the people that no one else could see. Roger stayed with her throughout this, of course. He often responded to the things she said to her friends in her fantasy, because he couldn’t bear the silence that he could hear when she heard a loved one’s voice. And sometimes, because their bond had once been so strong, she could hear Roger’s questions and answers in the form of one of her friends.
One day, while in her fantasy land, the girl had a strange thought that she voiced to her father (who, of course, was actually Roger sitting with her in the real world). She said, “Father, an idea has come to me.”
He inquired as to what it was.
“What if my whole life is just some dream? What if you don’t really exist and are just some figment of my imagination and I’m actually talking to wall in an asylum somewhere?”
In her fantasy, the girl’s father laughed gently, taking his daughter’s hand. “We all have strange thoughts sometimes. It’s best not to let them bother us too much.” The girl smiled and nodded in satisfaction.
But in the real world, Roger wept. He wept, for every word his friend said was true.
He wept for her happiness and the life she would never again know.
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
This story was amazing and after I read the whole thing, I wanted more. I absolutely loved your beginning and how it ended. I do hope you make more like, if she finally wakes up and realizes all of the joys that she had fantasized about were just that-a fantasy. HAve a good day and continue writing!
~Insanity
Wow. I'm agreeing with the reviewers below. Engrossing. Truly engrossing. You just sucked me in. I really loved this, I really did.
Now, I'm going to explain further about why I love it. I'm glad you incorporated a story or thought into here, one that made the reader feel just so connected to this little story you have here. And the ending! Oh, my holy friggin gosh it was amazing! It just seemed like it settled down beautifully. Okay, it wasn't happy, but it was still beautifully written.
I have a small problem though, and maybe I'm just not getting it straight, but I don't really see how it's marked article/essay? Maybe I'm just stupid right now or something... I guess you're trying to get it all down that a dream won't ever come alive? I don't know, I would just think to tag it as other instead of article/essay. Maybe just explain it to me. :p (not trying to be mean or anything, by the way).
Most everything though, was just... POOF! Mindblow. Like, everyone thinks about fantasy, but actually reading something this powerful is great.
I hope this helps in future writing!
WillowPaw1~
Thank you, that's incredibly nice of you to say
I'm kinda new here, so I'm not really sure how I should tag some of my work (some exploring should fix that right up) but I chose article/essay because I didn't really intend it to be story when I started writing, just a way to express a thought that I'd had.
That's okay!
Honestly, i think that if you continue a little bit more it wouldn't hurt. It's just so interesting, so i think that people would read more. Also, since this is a website for true writers, length shouldn't be an issue.
All right, I will. (Thanks for replying)
This is soo cool!
Thanks
I absolutely adored your beginning. I love beginnings that just make you want to keep reading, and you have "nailed" it. I enjoyed the style of the writing. It had great fluency, and the emotion was prominent. It's hard to explain, but the words just had a certain sweetness in the fluency and word choice. They just all seemed to fall out and come together nicely, if that makes any sense at all. It is altogether amazing.
Is it a prologue? Is it a beginning? Is it a first chapter? I really couldn't find that labeling anywhere, and i think that it should be in the title.
If not, i think that you should go a bit more into detail about her old life. But, if it is, i think that we should find out later.
I strongly suggest continuing for my own selfish purposes. (I wish to read more).
Oh, thank you so much! I never really considered continuing it (it was honestly just a thought I had and wanted to write down)... but now that you mention it, I might.
Alright Holy cow that was freaky cool, now that the spasm is over lets get over. First off I liked the emotion you sent through the characters and I liked the tempo of your piece. you didn't keep it slow and annoying to read but also not rushed you did a good job. Now the negatives while your imagery were spot on I think you could describe more go into the accident, go into the fantasy she lives in while in the coma. What dose it look like? dose she live her could be life in there? Can roger enter this fantasy some how? will he always be there for her or move on? Will she ever wake up? these are a few questions that are left unanswered. Overall, the last sentence was my all time favorite it was the most emotional, beautiful part of the story because it showed the emotion full force the grief and love rogar shows and you nailed it. Well done jeep it up
Thanks. You actually bring up a good point. I was considering going into more detail but didn't want to bore people with an extremely long piece. Do you think people would want to read something that long? Because, if you do, I'll have to think about making my works longer. Please reply!:)
I think if you keep writing the way you are keeping it interesting then yes. you know what your doing from what I read