Young Writers Society

I know completely how this feels; the moment you realize your relationship is going to end. Your righting also holds a lot of emotion and I love how this is put together. You have really good writing skills because when I read this it reminded me of something almost exactly in my life and kept me reading. Overall I really like your writing and I can't wait to read more of your pieces.
Keep up the great writing!
-Roxie Rain

Hey BlockedWriter21! Welcome to YWS. ^^

Is this your first poem? If it is, then it's super good for your first. Okay, onto the review

Since this was a short poem, I think that your format was acceptable, but if your poem was longer, then I think you may want to separate it into stanzas and such. Your description was good, but personally I think that you should add in some metaphor and simile; like, instead of, "He says as he stares at me with his intense blue-green eyes," maybe say, "He says as he stares at me; his blue-green eyes calm like the sea, as if the waves do not have yet to come", or something like that. I don't know, play around with it a little bit.

"Who's to say that tomorrow you will wake up." Did you mean to put a period at the end of that? If it doesn't have a specific meaning to the poem, then I would advise you to change it to a question mark, just because it is a question, if you know what I'm saying (or maybe it's not a question at all! Maybe she knows that he's not going to wake up? WHOA I totally got it now if that's what you were going for! O_O Love it).

As for the idea of the poem. I am absolutely in LoVE with it. On the surface, it can be interpreted as a girl's significant other wanting to know if she is aware of his love for her, and she is living the moment in slow motion; she is afraid that they are going to break up and then it would be all for nothing. On a deeper note, the narrator is realizing that the very concept of love coming to an end is inevitable. I mean, even logically, if you think about it, there are three ways that (at least physical togetherness) love has to end as a result of; death, divorce/breakup, or forced separation caused by some kind of catastrophic occurrence. The narrator (presumably a girl) is coming to the conclusion during this tender moment with (presumably) her boyfriend that, however much they agree that they "love" each other now—assuming that they even actually love each other; many times, teenagers really exaggerate the concept of "true love" because, at a young age, most people feel like they are invincible, whether that actually admit it or not —at some point, pinky swears aside, their love is going to end at least by default.

The girl in the poem is saying to herself, that who can even predict that worst can't come to worst and her love may die in his sleep? I mean, it could happen. And this is where the idea of your poem gets a little bit blurry; the narrator is admitting that life is unpredictable and therefore anything is possible, and therefore (on an obviously exaggerated note) love never has to end because what if people just live forever and love each other and everybody's friends so nobody kills anybody? XD XD Haha, just mentioning it.

And then, at the end, the narrator just gives up with her internal conflict and agrees that, yes, she does love him, and basically procrastinates and decides not to think about the ending for awhile; she throws herself into the "falling" aspect of falling in love, instead of the landing, which I think is an interesting ending. However, you say,

"Facing inevitability, I turn my grey eyes to him and say
"Right.""

The "facing inevitability" part totally throws me off, because she is doing the very opposite. She admits (indirectly) that she will allow their love to continue DESPITE the inevitability of the ending. So that is one thing that I would absolutely change.

SO wrapping it up; I think that this was overall a nice poem. The fixes and corrections are minor. Therefore I'm giving you a like ^,^. Oh, and by the way, this is NOT an example of writers block! Haha, I loved your poem.

See ya around, YouDoNotHaveWritersBlock21.

Yours,

Sav

Hey Blockedwriter! Strange here and I have a review for you!
First of all, welcome to YWS! Based on this poem and whether you'll stick with us, you're going to be a great fit!
This is a good observational poem. You say something a lot of other poems about this subject says, how "love" ends before our eyes. The narrator obviously realized this, and you can see that it's breaking her down. She wants to collapse, but all she can say is "Okay." The use of inevitability is a tad bit overused, as it seems like this poem relies on the word. This is still a good poem, so you don't have to worry that much about it. I enjoyed that the narrator realized that they are extremely close, but they're going to separate. She doesn't want that, but she has to let that be.
This was an impressive piece for a new member. I honestly hope that you write more poems like this, and keep consistent. With this poem, you have garnered a follow from me!
Overall, really good job.
Strange gives you...
8.7/10
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend