Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » General


My Cornucopian Gift: Sonar

by dragonfphoenix


I twist the hem of my shirt as the platform rises up through the tube. My heart’s racing, but I still the tremble in my hands as I ride up into the arena. The lift glides to a stop, jerking me, and settles into place. I glance around at the other Tributes, and notice that I’m between defyingravity and ongoeslife. So, the Gamemakers have us in District order. That couldn’t have helped me more.

I glance at the other Tributes briefly, nodding at the others from my District, then focus on the Cornucopia, scoping the items within. I see little of interest, but then notice the cloak lying next to the rope. Invisible at night…so much terror I could inflict. They’d never see me coming, and I would just appear, strangle or smother them with the cloak, then disappear back into the night.

But then movement in the Cornucopia distracts me. A tail wags around the edge of the wall, and I’m torn in two. That’s the dog the instructors told us about. My skin prickles, and I sense that the Games are about to begin. I only have a split second to decide which item will help me most.

The gong sounds, and I make up my mind.

I race across the long grass towards the Cornucopia, and zero in on the dog. That animal will win me the Games, I think. I swing into the Cornucopia with my fellow tributes and grab the dog’s leash, then sprint away with the dog on my heels. We reach the woods safely, and I meander deeper, the dog brushing my legs as we march inwards. She’s a German Shepherd, I notice, a good breed. Protective, obedient, loyal…sensitive. Intelligent too, by looks and breed, but not a muttation. No, she’s purebred. A tough dog. She’s been trained to quickly identify poisons, and that’ll save precious time during the Games.

I worm past a fallen trunk, then pause. What should I call her? Her harness is black, and so’s her fur. That’ll be nice at night. I smile. Sonar. That’s perfect. I say the name out loud, and her ears perk up, her eyes bright. She knows that’s her name now. Grinning, I lash her to a nearby tree as I get my bearings and breath. She’ll counter all of the other major items except the celebrity, and who cares about them? I can sleep soundly with her by my side, unafraid of what I can’t see and she can smell. That’ll take care of the cloak. Her leash can function as any kind of short rope I need, and if it comes down to me or her I can eat…but only if I have no other choice. And she can distract and attack in a tight spot. Tribute plus angry dog versus lone tribute equals my odds, every time.

I look around, scanning for a water source. I don’t see anything, but I hear the trickle of a creek. I unwind Sonar’s leash and lead her towards the sound. That’s another added bonus. When I don’t have time to test the water for poison, she can sniff and give me an instant evaluation. And her sixth sense can warn me of more than just poison. She’ll sense dangers from the Game Makers or other tributes long before I will (animals always see it coming). And her hackles will warn me if the tribute’s seeking an alliance or trying to kill me.

We break through the tree line, and stumble into a stream. Sonar sneezes the water off her snout, then sniffs the water and starts drinking. Good water, at least. I scoop up a handful and drink the cool, clear water, letting it spill down my throat. Her drink finished, Sonar shakes herself, spraying me with droplets. Her ears snap ramrod straight, and she whips her head upstream. A soft growl grumbles through her throat, and her nape rises. I tighten my grip on the leash and step across the stream, heading back for tree cover. Whatever’s up there isn’t good, and I’m not ready to face other tributes just yet.

The wind chills my damp pant legs, and I wonder about the temperature at night. Of course, I’ll have Sonar, so that will take care of a blanket and heat source, but still…I don’t know what I’m up against yet. But with my dog, I stand a good chance of surviving these Games.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
179 Reviews


Points: 15489
Reviews: 179

Donate
Thu Jun 05, 2014 3:09 pm
View Likes
r4p17 wrote a review...



Squire (will be knight) r4 here to review.

I am happy to find that this is in first person. I have tried to write in first person once or twice though so far I haven't been very successful. What makes this even more unique is that you wrote in the present tense. The way you chose to ride made me feel like I was actually there, which is a good sign that you are showing the story not telling it. One good thing that you used to your advantage was using thoughts. The reason u say this is because you don't have your characters thinking much aside from the dragon story you wrote (or are writing).

I really like how you implied a feeling of friendship between yourself and the dog. I find it interesting that you named the dog Sonar. I first I thought you might name him Blackey because of how you described him. But I am glad that you came up with something more orig-inal.

At the beginning I was confused by your description. I thought that the Games were taking place in some arena since that is pretty common. I also thought that the dog was your opponent. :D You may want to correct these things (make them more clear) though it isn't that important since this is more of a short story.

All in all the bulk of this was a good story though. Happy writing! :)






Thanks for the review!



User avatar
286 Reviews


Points: 16319
Reviews: 286

Donate
Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:00 pm
View Likes
AstralHunter wrote a review...



Salutations, my fiery friend.

We tributes from District Two must watch out for one another, and so, I have heard and answered your call to arms! :smt027


That couldn’t have helped me more.

I apologise if this sounds like a stupid question, but is this genuine, or are you being sarcastic? :$

The gong sounds, and I make up my mind.

Some people make the mistake of incorrectly placing sentences in their own paragraphs, thereby placing emphasis on them for an inadequate reason, but this sentence is emphasised with sufficient reason. It also increases the overall tension and suspense. Nicely done.

Intelligent too, by looks and breed, but not a muttation. No, she’s purebred.

I can appreciate your pun when muttation is read along with the following sentence, but some people might think it an error in spelling. Who cares what this omnipresent and omniscient they think, though? Write mutation however you like - either way it serves a purpose, so either way, I'm content.

I can sleep soundly with her by my side, unafraid of what I can’t see and she can smell.

The first time you reveealed your rough draft, somebody commented that they think you're referring to poison here - I knew otherwise, but it's good that you provided some clarity nonetheless.

Her leash can function as any kind of short rope I need, and if it comes down to me or her I can eat…but only if I have no other choice.

:O How could you even consider that?! Also, on a less appalled note, you should add a comma after the second her.

Tribute plus angry dog versus lone tribute equals my odds, every time.

Who needs luck, anyway?

And her hackles will warn me if the tribute’s seeking an alliance or trying to kill me.

Were I to encounter you, definitely the former. (I value my life, thank you very much.)

The wind chills my damp pant legs, and I wonder about the temperature at night.

Aren't pants usually referred to in the plural?


I am confident that you will excel in the Games and "floor" (excuse my colloquialism/slang) your opponents from the other districts. Mine is, arguably, a biased opinion, but it is based off previous works you have written as well as your evident skill in writing this one, and opinions are supposed to be biased anyway.

I wish you luck, though you will certainly not need it, and may the odds be ever in favour of our beloved District Two.

Rating for this text: four stars (excellent)






Thanks for the review!




Does anybody else passive-aggressively refresh the page to see if anything you said made it into the quote generator?
— RavenLord