Hi, Chips here with a review!
Well, what and interesting yet enigmatic poem you have here. Enigmatic, in the sense that it could have a whole range of meanings as there isn't one distinct theme, well the way I see it.
So let's go into the review now shall we?
"Big and small creations of God,
Were you created for expressing might?"
The reference to "Big and small", could refer to anything at all thats not man-made. I feel like you could have given the reader an idea of what the creations are, or along what lines they're on so we have an image in mind to follow the rest of your poem. The second line, "expressing might?" I'm not sure what exactly that means, I'm just interpreting as the comparison and relationship of humans and animals/nature.
"Sharp and flat builders of Lord.
Do they use you wrong or right?"
The first line, to me didn't make any sense. I understand its in reference to "builders of God" but nothing else linked to it, maybe thats just my ignorance but the assumed metaphor of "sharp and flat", in connotation to builders didn't connect in my opinion. And in the second line, I'm not very clear on who, "they", is referring to. Again, there is a comparison of wrong and right, opposite things alike, which could mean multiple things.
"Sink in water, oh heavy thing
What deep pains do you bring?"
Here, the "heavy thing" you mention is not very clear as to what you mean by it, is it an anchor? A burden? The last line suggests it may be along those lines.
Overall, your poem needed more clarity and cohesiveness. Seperately, the lines and phrases you used were beautiful. This review had good intentions, I hope it didn't come off as too hard, hopefully it was of help to you. Keep writing!
--Chips
Points: 7153
Reviews: 133
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