z

Young Writers Society


12+

Chasing Dragons 3.1

by StellaThomas


Nathaniel read the message three times before he understood. George’s writing was a scrawl, on a minuscule scrap of paper that was tied to his hunting falcon’s leg. But even when Nathaniel had deciphered that that word might have meant ‘gone’ and not ‘qovl’, his disbelief got in the way of working it out any further.

“What is it?” asked Charlie, who had been trying to read the message the entire time.

Nathaniel struggled to find words. “Alicia,” he finally said. “She’s vanished.”

His mind jumped to the last time he had seen her, just two weeks ago as she came to the palace to survey proceedings in Parliament and afterwards to stand with her family and greet the dignitaries. The scent of a spring day had wafted off her hair, so different to the world outside as the leaves were just beginning to turn. She had floated from lord to lady, and Nathaniel was only a knight on duty in the hall, but at every interval she would turn to smile at him like it was the first time she had ever seen him.

“Vanished where?” asked Charlie.

“Well if they knew that there wouldn’t be a problem,” Nathaniel said, hitting Charlie lightly on the head. “Honestly.”

Charlie rubbed the place where he had been hit. “Only I can see you moving towards the horses and I figure that means we’re going to go for an epic ride and I’d like to know in what direction.”

“We’ll go back to Cadoras first, and see what the story is, but George seems to think we should head on to the Academy from there, together.”

“Well of course he thinks we should go to the Academy, he wants to see Gen, and who knows what they’ll get up to!” Charlie whined, but he was still moving to his horse’s side and beginning to mount.

“We’ll keep a close eye on him,” Nathaniel muttered, kicking Leonard into motion.

The two of them had been half-heartedly heading home to Iron Holdings, since Nathaniel had finished his round of guarding the King. The King had six permanent knights as guards, which included Sir George Sigrid, and six more would rotate to complete his personal elite bodyguard, separate from the bog-standard palace guards. Having finished his duty by the King’s side, Nathaniel was supposed to return to the land of his liege lord and continue training Charlie. But Lord Ribbon himself was in the palace, and there was nothing to do out East. While his heart was still hammering at the thought of Alicia’s disappearance, a small part of Nathaniel was delighted not to have to go home just yet.

The city gates were shut as dark fell, but Sir George was waiting for them outside the gates, leaning on the wall, or perhaps the entire city was leaning on Sir George. He was certainly big enough to support it.

“What happened?” Nathaniel asked.

George shrugged. “I was on duty outside the King’s office, and he got a bird to say Alicia has gone missing. Vanished. Gone. That’s all I know.”

“And the King let you go?”

George nodded. “Queen wasn’t happy. Kept saying that she was sure Avery’s had it under control and that they shouldn’t be ‘understaffed’ if she had gone missing and they were out for the rest of the family. Selfish idiot.” George rolled his eyes. “So she convinced His Majesty to only send one knight, and that one knight was me. I figured they wouldn’t mind me calling on a few of our favourite freelancers.”

“Two,” Charlie mumbled. “Two is not a few.”

“And technically only one and a half, since you’re not a knight, right Charlie?” George thumped Charlie on the back. Charlie winced and said nothing.

“Let’s just go,” Nathaniel offered instead.

They rode west from the city and as it got dark they approached the Glistenfell Woods, and land belonging to the Avery family. They turned up the laneway that would lead to the house. Charlie slipped off Monty’s back less than five minutes into their journey through the woods, and Monty went to nibble on a nearby bush. Nathaniel halted and dismounted to help his friend up.

“How did that happen?”

“I don’t know,” Charlie said, running a hand through his hair. “There was a branch, and I ducked, and then all of a sudden I was on the ground and Monty was going on without me.”

Monty seemed quite content without his rider. George had stopped a good way ahead and was looking back at them.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

Charlie hoisted himself up, rubbing a bruise on his backside and possibly his already much dented dignity.

“Come on,” said Nathaniel. “Don’t let George get to you.”

“Get to me?” Charlie’s voice was unnaturally high. “Why on earth would you think that? George and I are great friends! Monty, get back here!” He grabbed at the black gelding’s mane in the dark, but missed spectacularly as Monty took another step forwards to a new grazing patch.

Nathaniel sighed and took Monty’s reins himself, and once Charlie was up, they rode to meet George. George rolled his eyes, dug his heels into his horse and kept going. Charlie was staring at the ground.

“Look up, Charlie, you won’t be able to tell where we’re going,” Nathaniel said as brightly as he could. Charlie looked up, his face a picture of misery. Nathaniel could understand Charlie’s dislike of George. If George married Gen he would become Count of Iron Holdings, something Charlie had always so desperately wanted but never been afforded. For George to simply waltz in and take it without any preparation, Nathaniel knew, must be torturous.

The gold gates of Avery’s Academy for Future Female Rulers came into sight, firmly shut against the three of them. Nathaniel dismounted and shouted into the grounds, drawing a sleepy looking guard from the hut further down the wall.

“Who are ye?” The guard squinted at them all. Nathaniel moved as best he could out of the shadows of the wood and removed his helmet so the guard could see his face.

“I’m Sir Nathaniel Bolt of Brushbridge and this is my squire Charlie Ribbon from Iron Holdings. Behind us is Sir George Sigrid of the Northern Edge and personal guard to King Sinclair. We were sent when we heard the news of the missing princess.”

“Didn’t get notice.”

“There wasn’t time.”

The guard grunted but all the same produced a key and unlocked the gates for them. Nathaniel rode in front all the way up to the house. Even as they approached, two figures appeared on the steps.

“What are you three doing here?” Gen shouted. George gave a sort of roar, jumping from his saddle and picking Gen up, twirling her around in the air. Nathaniel glanced at Charlie, whose lips were pulled into a thin grimace, but nevertheless clambered down from Monty’s back to go embrace his cousin.

Nathaniel was glad to see Genevieve but for now, his attention was focused on the other figure on the steps. Taller and straighter than Gen, Astrid Race looked almost ghost-like in the long white nightgown, holding an old green jacket close around her. Her yellow hair was loose and lying on her shoulders. Always more reserved than Gen, she walked straight down the steps without moving her arms and into Nathaniel’s embrace.

He held her close, clasping her head to his breastplate as her arms unfroze and snaked around his back. Her body was surprisingly hard for all her soft face and hair, and warm like a fire compared to the chill of the autumn night.

Wordlessly, he let her go again, and she allowed a quick smile, bashful smile. Embraces like that were not commonplace for Astrid but this was not a commonplace sort of night.

“Nat, come here!” Gen interrupted that perfect silence that Nathaniel always associated with Astrid, and demanded a hug from her old friend. Laughing, Nathaniel obliged, but then let her go and turned straight back to Astrid, meeting her serious brown gaze. “Tell me everything.”


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118 Reviews


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Mon May 09, 2022 9:31 pm
Coffeeboyjay wrote a review...



Hi there Stella

1. What do i like the most in the story Stella is that The two of them had been half-heartedly heading home to Iron Holdings, since Nathaniel had finished his round of guarding the King. The King had six permanent knights as guards, which included Sir George Sigrid, and six more would rotate to complete his personal elite bodyguard, separate from the bog-standard palace guards. Having finished his duty by the King’s side, Nathaniel was supposed to return to the land of his liege lord and continue training Charlie. But Lord Ribbon himself was in the palace, and there was nothing to do out East. While his heart was still hammering at the thought of Alicia’s disappearance, a small part of Nathaniel was delighted not to have to go home just yet. Stella i see you came up with a new character in your chapter when i was reading the whole entire chapter

2. What do i think needs to be improved Stella reading chapter 1 and read it up to chapter 3 is giving me sleeping beauty and that's how i feel about reading to chapter 1 to 3 Stella

Have fun writing!

Jay"




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Thu Jun 12, 2014 11:27 pm
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Kelpies wrote a review...



Hi! Me again, this one has one thing I would like to poke a finger at. And that is when Goerge said "gone missing. Vanished. Gone". I'm just not sure about you using the word "gone" more than once in that fraise. Otherwise, the same praise I have previously offered all your other chapters. I am greatly looking forwards to reading your next half of the chapter. And from there on out, I will be waiting for chapter four!


~Kelpies




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Tue May 27, 2014 5:06 pm
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Deanie wrote a review...



Hey Stella! Yup, it's me again :3

You do make it very hard for me to review your chapters, seeing as you write them so well! I think I am liking Astrid's character seeing as she is somewhat like me in a way, kind of distant and refined. She doesn't sound like the type of person who would tell all from a first glance. And it's good to see that the princess has a group of friends who are willing to go trotting into who knows what to find her :) I wonder what they'll find as they travel their journey... a dragon is what I am guessing, with this title...

something Charlie had always so desperately wanted but never been afforded.


Do you mean afforded? Or offered here?

and she allowed a quick smile, bashful smile.


I think it would be better here if you said a quick, bashful smile instead of repeating smile in the same line twice.

One thing that is hindering me most about this story though, is the emotion. I am not sure about other people reading it, but I am not really getting it. I feel like it is just skimmed over in the story without it really touching base. I am seeing the characters doing things and feeling a bit of Charlie's misery but nothing is really tugging at my heartstrings yet. I'm just feeling distant from their innermost thoughts. Maybe if you let us dig a bit more deeper into what they are thinking as to what is happening around them, then it would become clearer. Because now we can see Charlie doesn't like George much and he is sort of an impatient person... but what of Nathaniel's opinion. Does he care about the relationship between George and Gen?

I did really love the scene when he hears she has disappeared and immediately thinks of the last time he saw her and describes her being all pretty and attractive. :3 So sweet!

Also, one thing that would've been nice would be to see a bit more of the scenery and layout of the kingdom. You've got this lovely ride here as they are going to the school and plenty of time. Yes, you do get a bit about the characters and their relations in there but I am sure you could fit some setting description too ;) This, though, is a mere suggestion, not something necessarily needed!

I am going to keep reading!

Deanie x




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Tue May 27, 2014 2:06 am
Shady wrote a review...



Hey Stella!

I haven't read the rest of your story (at least not yet) but you got me interested, so I'm here to read and review your chapter. :)

Okay, so, review~

I like how you started this chapter. Even though I haven't read the rest of your chapters, so I didn't really know who Nathaniel or Alicia were to begin with, you set up the action nicely so it felt like I could be involved in it-- rather than feeling lost, like something big was in the previous chapters that I didn't know about, and so was missing something important in this chapter. It definitely drew my interest.

“Well if they knew that there wouldn’t be a problem,” Nathaniel said, hitting Charlie lightly on the head. “Honestly.”

Charlie rubbed the place where he had been hit. “Only I can see you moving towards the horses and I figure that means we’re going to go for an epic ride and I’d like to know in what direction.”
~ D'aww, they're adorable. I love this interaction you have between the two guys. <3

The two of them had been half-heartedly heading home to Iron Holdings, since Nathaniel had finished his round of guarding the King.
~ You don't need the comma here, or the 'had'.

Wordlessly, he let her go again, and she allowed a quick smile, bashful smile.

~

Okay!

Wow, I really liked this chapter. You've got such realistic, adorable character interaction. I love how Nathaniel is trying to stick up for Charlie-- and how Charlie made a few probie-ish mistakes. I also really like your crisis-- how it's something bad, and makes us wonder, but doesn't bash us over the head with an unrealistic problem. Your grammar was also very good, as was your pacing, which really added to the appeal of the piece. Overall, you just had an awesome story, and I would love to read more of it!

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)





Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
— Chinese proverb