Young Writers Society

Hey! Here to get you out of the Green Room! I like your thoughts behind this poem; they're very...thought-provoking. Great description, huh? So, I read that this is a "midnight poem" and to be honest I can kind of tell... No offense intended! First off, something that often bothers me with poems is that so many times they don't have rhythm. Now yours does, of course, but it is a little awkward. It's just not an easy beat. Yes, this is free verse, so it normally has less of that regular rhythm, but still... I always thought that poems should just kind of read themselves, if you know what I mean. When read aloud, the beat and rhythm should come easily without even having to think about it. But that's just my opinion. I love your descriptions. They're so easy to see, but (like I've told a lot of authors) you're not wordy, which is good. The formatting is great. One other complaint though. You have a lot of grammatical errors, mostly involving punctuation or capitalization. Those things, while small, can make a huge difference in the piece. I just feel like you have a lot of fragments or comma splices because of it. But over all, this poem was definitely an interesting read! Keep writing!

Sincerely,

PeanutPhoebe

Hi there Pompadour! Niteowl here to review a fellow Ultramarine this fine Review Day!

First off...you wrote this with a migraine? I can barely function when mine hit, let alone write something this amazing. Color me impressed.

'cause no-one likes headaches and the world likes them less,

and when you cause trouble -- oh man, you cause a lot of trouble --
you turn to me and blame me for all your troubles.

First off * applauds* well done on tis thought provoking poem. I honestly see noting to tear apart so I apologize for not being any help there. But I will say what I enjoyed about this poem. I enjoyed how the speaker sounds to be annoyed that the thoughts of the world and of people keep bombarding them. I also enjoyed your clever imagery such as, " this doesn't make sense!" they scream. "tell us what to do!
we've got shards of glass five-inches deep in the wall.
we're breaking down -- we're caught, in a web that's burning up
and burning down and carrying
our remains with it."

I liked this because the imagery was intense yet amazing. I liked how you pretty much nailed the thoughts of people at their lowest in an absolute brilliant way. I also enjoyed this line, " and i like these migraines less with every passing day. " because it aided in the inner workings of the speakers mind and their thoughts instead of the surrounding thoughts around the speaker. No typos that I saw and your formatting was good. aiding in the annoyance an depression(?) that the speaker process. overall, well done and keep it up