z

Young Writers Society



the optimist

by Percybeth


Take it from a glass of water,

half full

or half empty?

Indecisive in its own body:

e v a p o r a t i n g,

condensing,

r

a

i

n

i

n

g,

crashing

onto black umbrellas and cold windshields.

.

Caught in the palms of a little boy

full of wondering

why God's crying.

.

Running home to find it

tinkering on the roof

and drumming the windows.

.

Then turning to the faucet

to see an inverted geyser

exploding towards the drain

splashing onto his soft face.

.

Ripping open the cabinet door,

pulling a stool

to climb and grab a glass cup.

.

Oh so carefully, the little boy

disrupts the flow of the water

with the glass cup.

Cool water streaming down his hand

filling to overflowing.

.

The geyser has stopped.

No music is playing.

No water left,

but what's in the glass.

.

He tips it to the left,

watching it rush over the edge

escaping from the cup

till half is gone.

He pours the rest,

becoming sadder

as more and more

disappears into the drain.

Then all is lost.

.

None more in the cup,

but on his face waterfalls

bloom from his eyes.

For sunny days

don't fill him with delight anymore.

It's when the rain comes back

to drum the windows

and fill his cup,

he is happy.

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52 Reviews

Points: 467
Reviews: 52

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Sun May 25, 2014 12:08 pm
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catcha01 wrote a review...



Hi Percybeth!
First off I have to tell you something. Your poem was absolutely astonishing, astounding, breathtaking, just plain out FABULOUS!! (Sorry for the caps).
What I loved the most about this piece was how many roles you gave rain, you began with the cycles water goes through, described it in the boy's hand as he wondered why God was crying, then on the roof and in the faucet.
I also liked how you gave the word optimist with the glass half empty or half full a deeper more elegant meaning to it then just if you see the glass full you're and optimist.
I have no issues with this poem and your imagery, message, everything was just lovely. I loved this poem and it was real pleasure to review it.
*goes on to like*
Keep Writing.
~Catcha01



Random avatar
Percybeth says...


Awwwww, thank you so much! Exactly what I was going for. And 'FABULOUS' is always a word that needs to be capitalized. :D



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476 Reviews

Points: 561
Reviews: 476

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Sun May 25, 2014 12:53 am
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Apricity wrote a review...



O.o oh my god, as a fellow pluviophille I think I just fell in love with your poem. This has got to be the most wonderful poem about rain I have ever read. I love how you have formatted the words so that it suits the actions in the first stanza too, is lovely, I don't know much about poems I will admit, but I can tell you that your poem balances show and tell very nicely and all the stans connect with each other. The pace is smooth and the rhythm is steady, not to mention the ending stanza. Pure genius.

The only nitpick I have is actually that this poem doesn't have any punctuations. I would advice you to punctuate your lines be because it would make your poem to be understood more easily as well make it more tidy.

Just one question,

'why god's crying' I assume the god here you mean is the God, so is the lower case intended? If not, make it a capital G otherwise it can be confusing.

I just really want to say that I love the descriptions used in here and just the poem itself. Is a very calm, yet thought-provoking poem. Keep it up!

-S.s




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42 Reviews

Points: 100
Reviews: 42

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Sun May 25, 2014 12:49 am
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ElectraHeart wrote a review...



Hello, here to review.
Okay, Happy Review Day!
I like this poem. But I do have some problems, it could use some punctuation, I think that it would make the poem flow a little better. With punctuation comes capitalization, but that ideal thing should only be decided after you have laid out punctuation. Also a evaporating and raining in the first stanza bothers me. Maybe it’s just me but it makes me stutter and stop.
Happy writing, don’t stop!
~Sarai Rayne





That awkward moment when you jump out a window because your friend jumped out a window, then you remember that your other friend can fly.
— Rick Riordan, The Ship of the Dead