Hi there!
He did something between a whimper and grunt in reply
I think it would work better if you said Mousse 'made a sound somewhere between' instead of saying 'he did something'. Saying he did something makes it sound like he actually did something. Which he didn't, he just made a sound.
Everyone below me already mentioned everything, so I'm just going to tell you how I feel about this chapter.
I think it's so cute In a good way of course. I like how you showed the emotions that Ember is feeling when she's reunited with Mousse. It's such a short scene, but it really shows a lot. I think it's because you set it all up in earlier chapters. You did a good job developing the relationship between Ember and her dog. It's adorable, really.
The thing about Goal Ball is really interesting. I think it's sweet that Jason was explaining this game to Ember. They obviously have their differences and everything, but he still cares enough to talk about a game that Ember could play. Even if it's fake, which I'm not sure what to believe about it, it's still a nice sentiment.
Alright, onto the next chapter!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
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