Published May 16, 2014
A silent gathering under the moon,
We found the number of the rune,
To choose for who to rise
For good to be defeated,
Though their wickedness was left ungreeted.
When we roll from under your fury
And escape from this the ruthless jury.
* This is about society, and how even the best people may be defeated by the wickedness that surrounds us, but they can still escape and continue to spread their light of goodness. It was inspired by the song, 'This Little Light Of Mine'.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
I liked this one. It was short and sweet, and had a rather strong message in it. I must admit, the subject matter was a little hard to decipher, but once you understand it, it's quite powerful. Especially because it does speak a lot about what society is.
I do not see any errors that are worth noting, which is a very good thing. I really enjoyed it.
~Patchwork Study
Thank you! I'm quite glad you enjoyed it.
I thought this poem about society was good. You are also correct. The best people can be defeated by the wicked that is surrounding us. Anyway I thought this was a very good poem.
Nitpicks.
Number 1.
There is nothing wrong with this except with one thing. This is a very common mistake and I know lots of people that do this. So don't feel bad. I do this too. I think everyone does.
Anyway. In almost all of you stanzas when you used a comma before going to the next line you capitalized the next line. You only capitalize the next line if there is a period after the previous line. So you don't have to capitalize we, to and so on. I think this is a common mistake. You don't have to fix it, but just saying.
Well I think that's everything I saw.
I really liked your poem.
I will talk to you later.
Love,
Dogsrule5
Hi, Tulip here to give you a review.
First this was good. The rhyme was good, but that is simply not something that I concentrate on as I don't understand that rules behind them.
This is good. Poetry doesn't have to necessary follow the correct rules of grammar- the lines above seem to just be one continuous sentence- without end till the last line. You have several different thoughts above, and it may serve you well to break the lines into more than one sentence. Force your readers to stop and think over the idea before they go onto he next idea that you introduce. I don't think that you need to listen to me about that, for it is just a suggestion and you are your own person and you don't have to follow the advice of someone who just started to write poetry less then a year ago.
My favorite lines out of all of them are these two:
"When we from from under your fury
And escape from this ruthless jury."
Thought the thought seems kinda unfinished. Like you left things out.
Good write, Good work. Keep going at it.
~Tulip.
I understand, and thank you for your words, because this is my first try at poetry, and I'm not that good at it.
Not bad Annette, but you might want to put a period at the end. Also, the meaning was a bit foggy, so you might want to explain that better. And the name of the poem is boring. If you named it something different, then it would explain the meaning. But I'm kind of relating this to na na na na na Batman! That's right, Batman.
I will punish you by taking your book!