Young Writers Society

Thanks for your review earlier. Don't have anything newer here to review. I hope you're still writing!

I do like this sonnet. It made me think of my own rebellious days.

One line that bugs me is:
"It's great at first, believing that you're free"

To me it seems to break the flow, and "great at first" just seems to conversational to me.

Though I do love when you talk about:
"You know, my dear, I understand too well
That sunsets only lead to blackened nights.
Young love is but a fickle sort of spell"

Those few lines are really good because they flow really well. I don't know if I would describe young love as fickle, but that is more of a matter of opinion.

This poem is almost like a mother lecturing her daughter, but in a more caring way like as from experience. It made me smile when talking about the freedom.

Overall, it generally has a good flow and describes the situation well.

I don't know why I am giving you a review when I truly know nothing about what should or shouldn't be but I guess no one really does with writing.
I guess I can comment on is how your sonnet sounded to me; I like that you haven't used commas, it's interesting, like we were left to think and then stopped suddenly in the following line - to me reflecting the way we can really believe in young love and let ourselves free with it but it always gets caught back by reality - young love can't always 'flow' - so, I really love the way you set it out with punctuation to finish every second line (obviously excluding the second from last line).
Also, I loved the imagery the poem inflicted, at first exciting 'ride into the setting sun' quickly snapped up and changed by the boundaries we are always against 'blackened nights' (time, 'responsibility' etc).
The only thing that stopped the poem being perfect for me is the line 'but never mentioned that you would go blind'. I think I'm being fussy about it because its such a cool and clever opening; realistically, it represents how kids in love can just be so 'blind' to reality, doing things which at the time seem like such a perfect idea - getting so carried away, 'ignoring sense'. Anyway my problem was the 'you' - in my head using 'we' or 'I' flows better, 'but never mentioned that we would go blind'.
Sorry for the ramble, reviewing is good practise for my English exam so thanks for posting your amazing poetry!

Hi! Toboldlygo, here to review!

I really like this piece, it's creative and different from much of what I see here. Good job, bonus pointes for that!

A few little nit-picky things:

1) Go over the entire thing, and make sure all the grammar is correct.

2) I could be wrong, but I think you should have commas at the end of each line, unless there's some other punctuation mark there.

3) Towards the end, the piece starts to lose it's flow. I recommend reading it aloud to listen to the way it sounds.

Otherwise, I really like this! Great job!

Toboldlygo